Monday, December 15, 2008
Update
I am sorry I am going to stop the "comments" section on here for now. I honestly just need my friends around me right now to give me feedback that isn't negative. I do appreciate the comments... and most do help me... but at the same time some of them can be taken as negative when you tell someone they are a miserable person or even as simply as someone being negative. I have been working on being more positive and am trying to get my life where I am happy being me. I need positivity to be positive in my life right now. Sorry for anyone this may upset.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Snap out of it!
I am not sure what this week meant overall... I took it to mean calm down... slow down... take a deep breath and realize what's important. I know I have been a little over whelmed... what with a freelance job most nights... and the holidays here in full swing... I am just not sure how I lost my phone and wallet like that. It sucks and I am trying to stay positive and not let it pull me down... but damn it... everytime I use the my new phone I get sad... and want my old one... I got lost today TWICE... because for the last 6 months I have used the GPS to help me... now I'm back to writing it the old fashion way. As I said... I am trying not to call my self every name in the book and just move up and on... I can't do anything about it now... just move on and try to NEVER do it again... and to learn to calm down enough to remember...
I am slightly taken aback by the Friday night guy... since tonight he never said it wasn't him... just "Don't you remember me... we did fool around." and I said... "Yep... and I swear it was you." He just did the "LOL" Maybe I am wrong... but I feel like it was him... and he is denying it... is it me that he is embarrassed of or is he embarrassed that he was the one who didn't know me... or was it not him at all?
I am slightly taken aback by the Friday night guy... since tonight he never said it wasn't him... just "Don't you remember me... we did fool around." and I said... "Yep... and I swear it was you." He just did the "LOL" Maybe I am wrong... but I feel like it was him... and he is denying it... is it me that he is embarrassed of or is he embarrassed that he was the one who didn't know me... or was it not him at all?
Friday with no date...
BUT... I went out on a pub crawl instead... it was super fun!... well... it was until I saw someone I knew super briefly... after a drunken date... as he walked in he looked right at me... no one but me... we had that brief "oh shit" moment... and he then walked in... I wasn't sure who he was just that he looked familiar... and yea kind of hot... and then as the night wore on and we kept glancing at each other... I kind of remembered the drunken night... more alcohol was consumed then should be allowed... he never did see a home run... just saw second... I am embarrassed and didn't know what to write so I never mentioned him when it all went down. We met online... so he will still IM me from time... wanting to hang out... not date... sex! SO I said no... date first...
As the night progressed to him coming up to me multiple times asking if I knew Matt something or other... I laughed and said nope... to the point where after following me to the bathroom and staring at me the whole time he rubbed up against me to go by... we ended the night by him coming up to me and asking me if I was positive I didn't know Matt... nope... no idea who Matt was... but I didn't want to say that Remember me the girl who was soooo forgettable!
So I said nothing... until I saw him online tonight... confronting him... he said he was not at cherry tree and then said you were? I said yep... and you lie... he then disappeared... nothing...
Yup... That wasn't my whole night out... two many beers and hits... and I found myself at IHOP... I don't think I mentioned I lost my wallet earlier this week along with a freelance 100 dollar bill... well I am figuring it dropped out of the coat... so I didn't get to over whelmed... just canceled and kept on going... and then last night happens... and here I am sitting at IHOP... half asleep mind you... and proceed to somehow leave my baby... my IPhone... yup... gone... so... to end a decent night with some drama added in... and me spending a night watching the sun come up... it was a night to remember!
As the night progressed to him coming up to me multiple times asking if I knew Matt something or other... I laughed and said nope... to the point where after following me to the bathroom and staring at me the whole time he rubbed up against me to go by... we ended the night by him coming up to me and asking me if I was positive I didn't know Matt... nope... no idea who Matt was... but I didn't want to say that Remember me the girl who was soooo forgettable!
So I said nothing... until I saw him online tonight... confronting him... he said he was not at cherry tree and then said you were? I said yep... and you lie... he then disappeared... nothing...
Yup... That wasn't my whole night out... two many beers and hits... and I found myself at IHOP... I don't think I mentioned I lost my wallet earlier this week along with a freelance 100 dollar bill... well I am figuring it dropped out of the coat... so I didn't get to over whelmed... just canceled and kept on going... and then last night happens... and here I am sitting at IHOP... half asleep mind you... and proceed to somehow leave my baby... my IPhone... yup... gone... so... to end a decent night with some drama added in... and me spending a night watching the sun come up... it was a night to remember!
Sunday, December 7, 2008
I'll call you!
What a day... I woke up this morning smiling and feeling thinner by the day... yea did I tell you? I have been looooooosssssiiiinnnnngggggg weight.... jup.... 45 pounds... only have to loose 55 more pounds... hmmm maybe I will looooose 75 more... or maybe 100 will loose to me... hmmm did I say loose or lose? Anyway... off on a tangent... they're how did that feel huh... oh wait? was there spelled correctly? Hmmm maybe!
Today started out good... but it was one thing after another of things going wrong. Honestly the morning went fine... even though what I had planned didn't really pan out...
I had a meeting with a new job that I got... which ran later then I anticipated causing me to be late going to meet up with friends. After running there, no one was there... I wasn't sure if I was at the wrong place or maybe the wrong time... but I left...
I had plans for that night with a guy who had responded to my ad with CONSTANT texts all yesterday and today with 2 phone calls added on. He convinced me to meet him tonight... although there were a few hints to maybe he wanted just sex... but maybe I was reading to into it so I gave him the benefit of the doubt...
We met at the bar near my place... he came in... saw me and pretty much ran the other way! OK... well not exactly that way... but pretty near close! We sat there... awkwardly... he was pretty hot... a lot hotter then the pic... but he was kind of dumb... at first I thought he was shy... nervous? He kept giving this nervous laugh... but I realized when he kept glancing at the TV then his watch, that maybe he wasn't nervous... more that he was uncomfortable... until he answered his phone... and then I realized he was trying to find an easy way out! I felt like saying wow... am I really really that bad? huh... so he then proceeds to tell me that he needs to run... his ex called and said that his son had fallen and was going to the hospital... sorry... "you have to work right? so it works in both our favors!" I gave a half laugh... "sure..." I should have said whatever you need to do to take yourself off the guilty book..." but whatever! He then says..." Well Ill call you sometime!" ha... isn't that the same thing the last guy said to me? noooo... he said maybe I will run into you some time..."
He then proceeds... to throw down enough money for his beer... and ran out... the beer had been more then the 3 bucks he had gave me... so I had to cover the rest. Its weird... cause isn't this the second guy who I had made run away from me... what the hell is it?
Today started out good... but it was one thing after another of things going wrong. Honestly the morning went fine... even though what I had planned didn't really pan out...
I had a meeting with a new job that I got... which ran later then I anticipated causing me to be late going to meet up with friends. After running there, no one was there... I wasn't sure if I was at the wrong place or maybe the wrong time... but I left...
I had plans for that night with a guy who had responded to my ad with CONSTANT texts all yesterday and today with 2 phone calls added on. He convinced me to meet him tonight... although there were a few hints to maybe he wanted just sex... but maybe I was reading to into it so I gave him the benefit of the doubt...
We met at the bar near my place... he came in... saw me and pretty much ran the other way! OK... well not exactly that way... but pretty near close! We sat there... awkwardly... he was pretty hot... a lot hotter then the pic... but he was kind of dumb... at first I thought he was shy... nervous? He kept giving this nervous laugh... but I realized when he kept glancing at the TV then his watch, that maybe he wasn't nervous... more that he was uncomfortable... until he answered his phone... and then I realized he was trying to find an easy way out! I felt like saying wow... am I really really that bad? huh... so he then proceeds to tell me that he needs to run... his ex called and said that his son had fallen and was going to the hospital... sorry... "you have to work right? so it works in both our favors!" I gave a half laugh... "sure..." I should have said whatever you need to do to take yourself off the guilty book..." but whatever! He then says..." Well Ill call you sometime!" ha... isn't that the same thing the last guy said to me? noooo... he said maybe I will run into you some time..."
He then proceeds... to throw down enough money for his beer... and ran out... the beer had been more then the 3 bucks he had gave me... so I had to cover the rest. Its weird... cause isn't this the second guy who I had made run away from me... what the hell is it?
response!
Hi, I'm considered a nice looking,well built guy who has always treated women special by giving them the most relaxing,stress relieving foot pampering experience of thier lives.This is just something that comes naturally to me.Do you think you would enjoy having your sore,tired feet lovingly worshipped after a long,hard day?I'm not looking for sex either just a little innocent foot fun to start with.Let me know what you think?I promise if you give me a chance you'll be so glad you did.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
What do I say?
I am not sure what to write about... I haven't gone on any more dates... and I went out twice this week, which was a nice switch to my last few months. It wasn't so bad... I feel like the last few months I have been anti-social... I just haven't been up to going out... is it my job or my social life?
I also realized something by going... not just that I am realizing maybe I am boy crazy again... but that I can go out and not spend any money. I could go and get nothing like last night... and I was starving too! But I resisted... I'm sooo poor!! And it’s the weight watchers... I don't want to JUST loose 45 pounds... I want to say I lost 100 pounds! So when it became two reasons not to drink... I decided I felt weird going out and not drinking... but I realized it’s not so bad... and I kill two birds with one stone!
I haven't been dating much... I will be honest and say the last time the guy once again had me convinced he could have been into me… I didn’t think it was a definite NO. He wasn’t a look anywhere but AT ME guy... BUT obviously something happened... but what? Something I said? Did? Looked? RIPPED PANTS? I noticed later on that I had a slight rip... ha... how embarrassing!!
So instead of dating I have been yoga-ing and trying to stay healthy and loose my final 55 pounds! But I have to say, after going out the last two nights and then that night a few weeks ago... Yea, have gone a little boy crazy. It’s interesting how when you finally do open up your eyes how many guys could be a maybe. I'm not saying yes for sure... but I wonder... that's all :)
I did do another ad on CL. dumb but damn fun! Ha... I love the responses... interesting if nothing else... I might start going to more meetup events (now that I know I don’t have to spend much money)... meet more people... who knows what will happen! I have a hard time though... and need to work on it. I am fine with dates because you know that's what it is! You meet online... chat... email... text...call... then meet! You know this person by now... and when you out and about... what do you talk about? Seriously? On an online date you ask the normal stuff... where are you from? Family? Friends? But when you are not sure if he is even someone who is single or not… interested or not… friend or not… so you cant just be like... "Hi, Joe... so how many brothers and sisters do you have?" or how about? " Hey Sam... what do you do for fun?" It just sounds so lame... so help me... what do I say?
I also realized something by going... not just that I am realizing maybe I am boy crazy again... but that I can go out and not spend any money. I could go and get nothing like last night... and I was starving too! But I resisted... I'm sooo poor!! And it’s the weight watchers... I don't want to JUST loose 45 pounds... I want to say I lost 100 pounds! So when it became two reasons not to drink... I decided I felt weird going out and not drinking... but I realized it’s not so bad... and I kill two birds with one stone!
I haven't been dating much... I will be honest and say the last time the guy once again had me convinced he could have been into me… I didn’t think it was a definite NO. He wasn’t a look anywhere but AT ME guy... BUT obviously something happened... but what? Something I said? Did? Looked? RIPPED PANTS? I noticed later on that I had a slight rip... ha... how embarrassing!!
So instead of dating I have been yoga-ing and trying to stay healthy and loose my final 55 pounds! But I have to say, after going out the last two nights and then that night a few weeks ago... Yea, have gone a little boy crazy. It’s interesting how when you finally do open up your eyes how many guys could be a maybe. I'm not saying yes for sure... but I wonder... that's all :)
I did do another ad on CL. dumb but damn fun! Ha... I love the responses... interesting if nothing else... I might start going to more meetup events (now that I know I don’t have to spend much money)... meet more people... who knows what will happen! I have a hard time though... and need to work on it. I am fine with dates because you know that's what it is! You meet online... chat... email... text...call... then meet! You know this person by now... and when you out and about... what do you talk about? Seriously? On an online date you ask the normal stuff... where are you from? Family? Friends? But when you are not sure if he is even someone who is single or not… interested or not… friend or not… so you cant just be like... "Hi, Joe... so how many brothers and sisters do you have?" or how about? " Hey Sam... what do you do for fun?" It just sounds so lame... so help me... what do I say?
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Back in again
I went on a crazy blind date last night... I haven't been on one of those in a long time... and for the first time in awhile they hit a double. He was cute... maybe a little young... more in the still have major dreams stage of his 20's rather then the immature young. We talked... laughed... ate and had a beer. We had a lot of similar things around us... similarities I wasn't sure on... but more about the similarities of daily life things. He works within throwing distance from my place... stepped on the same treadmills as I... worked near another place I worked as well... went to school and graduated around the same time as a good friend from Iowa...
I thought it was going well... he paid... we walked out... and as I neared my car... he turned and hugged me and said, "maybe I'll catch you at Second St." I laughed and said sure... hmmm... Ill be honest and say that didn't sound so great... that didn't sound like hey lets get together again sometime... so I waited until just now to send the only email I am allowed until and only if he emails back. Then we can chat... but not until then can we... he was nice enough... but for once I am not going to take it personally that he doesn't call back... I had a great time and I am taking it for what it is... maybe I am at the beginning of a new me!
I did go out tonight as well... and there are times when I hang out and I wonder... I am not saying with everyone... but usually one guy of the group would make me wonder... tonight I did and I wondered even for just a little bit... was he wondering too?
I thought it was going well... he paid... we walked out... and as I neared my car... he turned and hugged me and said, "maybe I'll catch you at Second St." I laughed and said sure... hmmm... Ill be honest and say that didn't sound so great... that didn't sound like hey lets get together again sometime... so I waited until just now to send the only email I am allowed until and only if he emails back. Then we can chat... but not until then can we... he was nice enough... but for once I am not going to take it personally that he doesn't call back... I had a great time and I am taking it for what it is... maybe I am at the beginning of a new me!
I did go out tonight as well... and there are times when I hang out and I wonder... I am not saying with everyone... but usually one guy of the group would make me wonder... tonight I did and I wondered even for just a little bit... was he wondering too?
Monday, November 17, 2008
Shy and sweet and curious about being submissive?
Above all else he cherishes his submissive, in the knowledge that the gift she gives him is the greatest of all. He can be demanding at times and may take full advantage of the power given to him, but knows how to share the pleasure and show the respect that comes from that precious gift.
He is in control of himself first and foremost, so that he may control others. As a stern and demanding Dominant, he can cause his sub to cry real tears. As the consummate lover, he will then kiss the tears away, without ever stepping out of character. His goal is never to hurt but to be able to control their emotional situations.
In times of trouble, a Dominant will leave the roles behind, to be a supportive friend and partner, never forgetting that this is still a loving relationship between two caring individuals. He is quick to understand the differences between fantasy and reality. He would never ask a submissive to put him before her career, or family, just to satisfy his own pleasure. He is kind and wise.
To win his sub missive’s mind, body and soul, he knows he must first win her trust and heart. He will show his submissive humor, kindness, and warmth. He must also show her that his guidance and tutoring is knowledgeable and deserving of her attention, that this is a man she can learn from, and trust his direction.
He is romantic enough to be protective and chivalrous. When called upon, he will fight for his ladies' honor. He proves to her that he is someone she can lean on, and depend on. He makes her feel safe.
He is old-fashioned enough to be a bit of a chauvinist, yet modern enough to respect his woman. Quick to point out the differences between them, he also knows there is no inferiority in those differences.
When it comes time to teach his submissive her lessons of obedience, he is a strong and unyielding professor. He will accept no flaw, nothing less than perfection from his student. Never does he use discipline without good reason. When he does, it is always with a knowledgeable and careful hand. And discipline is always followed by forgiveness and love. And then we move on.
He is a careful guide, with safety always his main concern. He knows how to use pain to extend the bounds of pleasure. He is a mentor who can bring her to the edges of her envelope, and gently show her the inner courage to reach new heights.
He is always open to communication and discussion, always ready to hear her wants and needs. He is patient, taking the time to learn her limits, and knowing that as her trust of him grows, so will they.
He never has to demand ritual behavior by her. She responds to him out the want of pleasing him. Compliance comes from the wanting to please, not the fear of punishment. He understands the fragile nature of mind and body, and never violates the trust given to him.
He is secure enough to laugh at himself and the absurdities of life. Courageous enough to accept assistance. Open minded enough to learn new things. Strong enough to grow. His tools are mind, body, spirit and soul with a little help from rope, paddle and blindfold. He understands that each partner gains most from pleasuring the other. And both of them know that love is the only binding that truly holds.
Do you want the training of a caring Loving Dominant Man?
Remember the only way I can lead is if his sub follows willingly.
We both have to give to each other completely to create the proper environment.
If this interests you let me know.
Possibly "your" new Loving Dominant
He is in control of himself first and foremost, so that he may control others. As a stern and demanding Dominant, he can cause his sub to cry real tears. As the consummate lover, he will then kiss the tears away, without ever stepping out of character. His goal is never to hurt but to be able to control their emotional situations.
In times of trouble, a Dominant will leave the roles behind, to be a supportive friend and partner, never forgetting that this is still a loving relationship between two caring individuals. He is quick to understand the differences between fantasy and reality. He would never ask a submissive to put him before her career, or family, just to satisfy his own pleasure. He is kind and wise.
To win his sub missive’s mind, body and soul, he knows he must first win her trust and heart. He will show his submissive humor, kindness, and warmth. He must also show her that his guidance and tutoring is knowledgeable and deserving of her attention, that this is a man she can learn from, and trust his direction.
He is romantic enough to be protective and chivalrous. When called upon, he will fight for his ladies' honor. He proves to her that he is someone she can lean on, and depend on. He makes her feel safe.
He is old-fashioned enough to be a bit of a chauvinist, yet modern enough to respect his woman. Quick to point out the differences between them, he also knows there is no inferiority in those differences.
When it comes time to teach his submissive her lessons of obedience, he is a strong and unyielding professor. He will accept no flaw, nothing less than perfection from his student. Never does he use discipline without good reason. When he does, it is always with a knowledgeable and careful hand. And discipline is always followed by forgiveness and love. And then we move on.
He is a careful guide, with safety always his main concern. He knows how to use pain to extend the bounds of pleasure. He is a mentor who can bring her to the edges of her envelope, and gently show her the inner courage to reach new heights.
He is always open to communication and discussion, always ready to hear her wants and needs. He is patient, taking the time to learn her limits, and knowing that as her trust of him grows, so will they.
He never has to demand ritual behavior by her. She responds to him out the want of pleasing him. Compliance comes from the wanting to please, not the fear of punishment. He understands the fragile nature of mind and body, and never violates the trust given to him.
He is secure enough to laugh at himself and the absurdities of life. Courageous enough to accept assistance. Open minded enough to learn new things. Strong enough to grow. His tools are mind, body, spirit and soul with a little help from rope, paddle and blindfold. He understands that each partner gains most from pleasuring the other. And both of them know that love is the only binding that truly holds.
Do you want the training of a caring Loving Dominant Man?
Remember the only way I can lead is if his sub follows willingly.
We both have to give to each other completely to create the proper environment.
If this interests you let me know.
Possibly "your" new Loving Dominant
What can I say? another ad:
I am bored with my life... what can I say? I am 30... and am in the midst of couples everywhere I look... causing me to be the third wheel.
I have been spending a lot of time at the gym... at work... and just would like to have some fun too! I am in the midst of loosing weight... am a size 14... so if you want a tall thin thing... hmmm well sorry folks... cause that is just not me and will never be since I am only 5'3"!
I spend a lot of my free time going out with couples and seeing the rings and hearing about the babies... and I think... hmmm I don't even care about marriage at this point... just someone I can invite to my holiday party... someone who gives me a wink from across the room... maybe just maybe I could find someone to smile at me and make plans for the up and coming new year!
I have been spending a lot of time at the gym... at work... and just would like to have some fun too! I am in the midst of loosing weight... am a size 14... so if you want a tall thin thing... hmmm well sorry folks... cause that is just not me and will never be since I am only 5'3"!
I spend a lot of my free time going out with couples and seeing the rings and hearing about the babies... and I think... hmmm I don't even care about marriage at this point... just someone I can invite to my holiday party... someone who gives me a wink from across the room... maybe just maybe I could find someone to smile at me and make plans for the up and coming new year!
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Last Sunday
I met a new Match guy last Sunday... he was nice... much better looking from his pics then in real life. But maybe that was because he seemed super nervous. I always talk way to much when someone is nervous around me...
He was nice thought and bought me my coffee and seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say. We went for lunch after coffee at another place next door. After spending a few hours... we went our separate ways. I am not sure what will happen next... he did email the next day saying he had a nice time and this that and the other. We said we would hang out again some night... not sure when... but I'll keep you updated.
He was nice thought and bought me my coffee and seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say. We went for lunch after coffee at another place next door. After spending a few hours... we went our separate ways. I am not sure what will happen next... he did email the next day saying he had a nice time and this that and the other. We said we would hang out again some night... not sure when... but I'll keep you updated.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
and the response is...
well I have heard thatmen come from mars ..we are physical so I think you are beautiful, therfore I'm sold on you ...although I would love to keep my chops up singing songs to you and getting kissses in between..I work as a bill collectore but I should be in politics and /or emtertainment...although if I had a sweet lil' hunnie like you I may be able to pass up the fame and fortune....so call me or give me your # so I can caqll you...what d'ya think?
Ok
So this morning I awake with a new email from the same guy as below... same email... so I emailed back... haha... something new to write about right?
I am not sure what to write here... umm... what would you like to know about me? what interests you and what do you do?
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Match: "Can you blame me for wanting you?you're wicked cute"
this is from one guy... I didn't respond because... wow!
Hi KT
how are you?! I wanted to say hello and tell you how devastatingly heartachingly beautiful you are, and very interesting as well.....as long as you are still available for dating and maybe even marriage, feel free to call my cell 617 555 1234 so as to help me expedite the process of courting you..
we could chat over the phone and maybe meet to see if there is a mutual attraction, physically and otherwise, and if there is, we can then proceed accordingly, like maybe I can try to get a kiss after singing you a song and tugging at your heartstrings...sound like a plan?
..I don't have all the answers..I have a few suggestions, ;)..
..and lastly, can a guy look at that pretty face and not fall in love?
your humble suitor,
xxx
What can I say?
I want to do things I’ve never done before... which is a lot... after concentrating on my career for the last 10 years, I thought it was time to concentrate on other parts of my life that I have let fall through the cracks. I woke up the other day and realized all my friends are couples and I just turned 30! Yokes want to do things I haven't done!
I would love for someone who can make me laugh everyday no matter what. I want someone to do things with and to have fun with. I want a person who will do the things I want to do and try.
I joined Match a few weeks ago. I haven’t really had much luck as of yet… but did get a nice email from a guy tonight… responding to one of my dozens of winks I have put out there. I have been busy… I made the mistake of drunk texting "You Alive?" to Mr. Friday last weekend. He called seconds later… and with my state I missed it.
Ok… so on Tuesday he calls again. I never called back… I kind of forgot about him to be honest as I was healing from Friday’s wounds… so yea, on Tuesday he calls and says
Blah blah blah. I didn’t call back… what would I say? I think he might gross me out… except when I am drunk… which is weird! Then I get a text Sunday morning at 7:30 AM!
Ok, I didn’t respond once again… I am not sure what to say, and I think it’s for the best if I don’t say anything at all!
I would love for someone who can make me laugh everyday no matter what. I want someone to do things with and to have fun with. I want a person who will do the things I want to do and try.
I joined Match a few weeks ago. I haven’t really had much luck as of yet… but did get a nice email from a guy tonight… responding to one of my dozens of winks I have put out there. I have been busy… I made the mistake of drunk texting "You Alive?" to Mr. Friday last weekend. He called seconds later… and with my state I missed it.
"Hey Katie, I just got your text, but am traveling so I decided to call instead. I am alive… just busy with the economy nightmare (he is in finance). I will call you later on this weekend and maybe we can plan something to hang out”
Ok… so on Tuesday he calls again. I never called back… I kind of forgot about him to be honest as I was healing from Friday’s wounds… so yea, on Tuesday he calls and says
“Hi, I was going to call this weekend, but got super busy and I slept all day Sunday due to my the last few weeks of stress”
Blah blah blah. I didn’t call back… what would I say? I think he might gross me out… except when I am drunk… which is weird! Then I get a text Sunday morning at 7:30 AM!
“Wake and Bake”
Ok, I didn’t respond once again… I am not sure what to say, and I think it’s for the best if I don’t say anything at all!
Sunday, September 21, 2008
I wouldnt want to be her!
YUCK!!!
A response the my ad!
A response the my ad!
She stood silently..motionlessly. Facing a wooden wall cross, she lowered her eyes and opened her heart. She waited. A smell rose to her nostrils, an essence - familiar yet new - her heart jumped in her chest.. and her mind raced. A smell.. a Man.
He approached her with the grace and stealth of a panther.. Dark.. mysterious.. ominously calculating. In spite of her efforts, her breath quickened. She tried desperately to keep control of her body. It was no longer hers.
He did not touch her skin, but instead pushed the hair away from the nape of her neck with one steady finger.. She felt naked. She shuddered, cursing herself for allowing that natural reaction to happen. It betrayed her calm exterior.. and yet, as it revealed her - it released her.. freed her to explore. She smiled.
His breath caressed her neck, never touching her now warm flesh. She wanted desperately to turn.. to face him.. to look away from the base of the cross, where her gaze had been directed.. moments before. She remained still. And she waited.
It felt like an eternity before he touched her skin.. she was so eager to feel his touch against her that she strained the muscles in her back to meet his hands behind her. He pulled away.. retaining the control and revelling in it. She sighed heavily, letting go of some of the pent up energy and the last bit of control. Her shoulders did not fall, but inside she knew she would have to learn patience to gain pleasure and peace.
He kissed her bare neck..scorching it with his lips. Instinctively, she stood perfectly still.. showing him her desire to obey. He was pleased with her position and rewarded her with a touch.. a gentle, firm touch on both shoulders.. pulling her body back and toward his chest.. Her back lay against him.. and he reached around and caressed her breasts.. cupping them.. feeling their weight and examining their softness. She kept her hands still at her sides, eyes lowered and half closed.. and watched as his hands explored her. He pinched. He probed, turning each tit up and dropping it .. then picking it up once more by the pink nipple and let it hang there.. She loved this.
Her sex was moist.. sticky between her parted legs... She felt her arousal growing and deepening.. and as she climbed, she became even more aware of her body.. her feet, her legs, the small of her back, her ribs, her shoulder blades.. every part of her was awake.
He held her nipples.. drawing them up and away from her body and she moaned loudly. He twisted them. He squeezed them. She came. She grabbed his thighs from behind her and bend down from the waist.. trying desperately to remain standing..
Would you enjoy being her? :)
ON CL again!
I can not believe I am writing an ad on here... but what the heck why not try? I'll be honest and say I've had an ad or two and have been on a few dates through CL... but most are nuts... but every once in awhile you find someone real and normal.... maybe thats you?
Well, I am 30... just turned it!! Yikes! I want to start hiking and would love to find someone patient enough to show me the ropes or better yet, learn with me. I love laughing and having a good time... I love going out or staying in... I am not super thin and not super huge... so besides that... write me and I'll write more after :)
Hope to hear from you :)
I decided on friday night in a moment of weakness... after dinner with friends... couples all around me... majority met online... so why not post an ad on CL again.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Maybe I will...
I saw Mr. Friday last Saturday night… he was supposed to come over after dinner with his folks at the cape. He said he couldn’t do anything earlier because of mom and dad… I was fine with that since I was packing and didn’t want to have to stop early.
I got a call at about 8:00… about the time he said he would be here to begin with… saying he was running late… he was cooking chicken broth you see and it had another hour to cook before he could come over. I was to tired to ague… but did wonder what the heck? Wasn’t his excuse that he had to have dinner with his parents hence why he couldn’t come over earlier? And now he is back at home and cooking? Hmm ok? I didn’t feel like arguing… he finally got there around 10:30… and did call and say that he was on his way… I asked him to stop and pick something up for food… him saying we could go out somewhere… me saying no I’m way to tired now… and Ill be honest annoyed.
He came over… we watched SNL and he left. He texted on wed asking about my new place… I moved you see… him never offering to help… and me not feeling like asking… maybe because I already knew the answer.
I haven’t heard from him since… and if I do… will I will be bored again and decide hang out once more… or will I say, I don’t want to do this anymore? I guess we will see, I might join Match or Yahoo… not sure as of yet… but I might…
I got a call at about 8:00… about the time he said he would be here to begin with… saying he was running late… he was cooking chicken broth you see and it had another hour to cook before he could come over. I was to tired to ague… but did wonder what the heck? Wasn’t his excuse that he had to have dinner with his parents hence why he couldn’t come over earlier? And now he is back at home and cooking? Hmm ok? I didn’t feel like arguing… he finally got there around 10:30… and did call and say that he was on his way… I asked him to stop and pick something up for food… him saying we could go out somewhere… me saying no I’m way to tired now… and Ill be honest annoyed.
He came over… we watched SNL and he left. He texted on wed asking about my new place… I moved you see… him never offering to help… and me not feeling like asking… maybe because I already knew the answer.
I haven’t heard from him since… and if I do… will I will be bored again and decide hang out once more… or will I say, I don’t want to do this anymore? I guess we will see, I might join Match or Yahoo… not sure as of yet… but I might…
Thursday, September 11, 2008
I am bored... why not?
Mr. Friday and I talked last week… he actually called the following night… we talked… him saying he freaked after reading my text… that we are not girlfriend and boyfriend. That he thought we were dating… he still wants to meet other people and likes not being super serious. I said I was fine with that… but at the same time I am not going to be sleeping with three guys at once… and I don’t expect one guy to leave me to some other girls the next night. Sex complicates things… I am fine dating… but as I said, sex complicates things! Him agreeing, but saying that he feels like that is a part of falling for someone that is a part of knowing someone… I am not sure what we agreed on in the end… but the discussion is out there… and my feelings are known!
We also talked about that I want to know that he wants to see ME and hang out with me… He said he did… that he wanted to see me… he just isn’t good on the weeknights… he works long and tiring hours and just doesn’t like to be social and hang out after work. I said that was fine… but how am I suppose to know that? I said… this is why we are discussing this… cause I don’t know these things and I cant read your mind. Now that I know, we wont make plans during the week. So he then asks, Friday night? I had plans… Saturday he asks? Nope… in Vermont! Ok, well then another time. Me saying, yea, another time… I thought for sure I wouldn’t hear from him again. But Tuesday arrived and I got a text, “How was Vermont?” I texted back a few hours later, he texted asking if I had plans this weekend?
So I called him back verses texting… deciding Saturday night works the best… he is going to come over and hang out… I am moving Sunday… so I am going to be packing… and I am not going to feel like going out…
Who know what all this means… I kind of don’t care and am going to need a break… and have no car… so why not have Mr. F come over. I’m bored, so why not? I am definitely not feeling what I felt when I was see Mr. Anchorman or Mr. Bebe… I guess I am just comfortable at times with him… I just don’t think I like like him… I am not even sure how attracted I am… as I said I’m bored… so why not? Why not for now… as long as he isn’t thinking I am thinking serious… so why not go as is for Saturday and not worry about the following until I need to.
We also talked about that I want to know that he wants to see ME and hang out with me… He said he did… that he wanted to see me… he just isn’t good on the weeknights… he works long and tiring hours and just doesn’t like to be social and hang out after work. I said that was fine… but how am I suppose to know that? I said… this is why we are discussing this… cause I don’t know these things and I cant read your mind. Now that I know, we wont make plans during the week. So he then asks, Friday night? I had plans… Saturday he asks? Nope… in Vermont! Ok, well then another time. Me saying, yea, another time… I thought for sure I wouldn’t hear from him again. But Tuesday arrived and I got a text, “How was Vermont?” I texted back a few hours later, he texted asking if I had plans this weekend?
So I called him back verses texting… deciding Saturday night works the best… he is going to come over and hang out… I am moving Sunday… so I am going to be packing… and I am not going to feel like going out…
Who know what all this means… I kind of don’t care and am going to need a break… and have no car… so why not have Mr. F come over. I’m bored, so why not? I am definitely not feeling what I felt when I was see Mr. Anchorman or Mr. Bebe… I guess I am just comfortable at times with him… I just don’t think I like like him… I am not even sure how attracted I am… as I said I’m bored… so why not? Why not for now… as long as he isn’t thinking I am thinking serious… so why not go as is for Saturday and not worry about the following until I need to.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
I think I am done
I think I am done with Mr Friday... I decided today to ask him if he wanted to hang out this week... we had texted off and on all week/weekend... him texting on Saturday during my birthday party saying, "Have fun tonight, I am sorry I am not able to be there." which was sweet... so I decided to yes contact him again... and ask him about doing something... he said, "tomorrow or Thursday night, I'm exhausted though from this weekend."
I got annoyed some by that... I can hear him being tired... but what the heck... why not just say wed or Thursday is good?
So, I text "we can do something low key, come over and watch TV or a movie, tomorrow works better then Thursday, call me later."
Him texting: "That's cool, I'm gonna go home and crash tonight."
At this point I was upset about a missing cat and just annoyed by my day so, I decided to write:
"So yes tomorrow night? I just want to see whats going on. I understand being tired, but I guess I want you to want to see me... I don't want to make you see me, does that make sense? I guess I'm having a hard time knowing how you are feeling about this..."
Then texted, "OK, so I just reread what I wrote, and I wanted you to know I am not upset just confused."
Him texting hours later mind you, "I'm sorry but I just got home from a very long day and I'm not ready to deal with this kind of conversation tonight."
I texted:"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it to come off as something deep, Just wanted to get it off my chest. Call me when you want to chat."
SO, my thoughts right now is that I'm tired of this... of him. This is suppose to be fun... and it was for a bit... but I feel like its to much work lately to just hang out. I don't have anymore time then he does... but I was willing to make time... when I'm not that sure about him. BUT, I don't want to force someone... I don't want to feel guilty either. I think he says things to make me feel bad... or is it me feeling bad and he has no idea? I am not sure... but I am tired of this... so I am thinking its over. I am not sure what will happen if by chance he does contact me again... but I kind of feel like that might not happen. And I think I am OK with that.
I got annoyed some by that... I can hear him being tired... but what the heck... why not just say wed or Thursday is good?
So, I text "we can do something low key, come over and watch TV or a movie, tomorrow works better then Thursday, call me later."
Him texting: "That's cool, I'm gonna go home and crash tonight."
At this point I was upset about a missing cat and just annoyed by my day so, I decided to write:
"So yes tomorrow night? I just want to see whats going on. I understand being tired, but I guess I want you to want to see me... I don't want to make you see me, does that make sense? I guess I'm having a hard time knowing how you are feeling about this..."
Then texted, "OK, so I just reread what I wrote, and I wanted you to know I am not upset just confused."
Him texting hours later mind you, "I'm sorry but I just got home from a very long day and I'm not ready to deal with this kind of conversation tonight."
I texted:"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it to come off as something deep, Just wanted to get it off my chest. Call me when you want to chat."
SO, my thoughts right now is that I'm tired of this... of him. This is suppose to be fun... and it was for a bit... but I feel like its to much work lately to just hang out. I don't have anymore time then he does... but I was willing to make time... when I'm not that sure about him. BUT, I don't want to force someone... I don't want to feel guilty either. I think he says things to make me feel bad... or is it me feeling bad and he has no idea? I am not sure... but I am tired of this... so I am thinking its over. I am not sure what will happen if by chance he does contact me again... but I kind of feel like that might not happen. And I think I am OK with that.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Mr Martini round 2?
Haha... I was looking around online to see about online dating again... maybe pay for a service again... what could it hurt?
So I was looking through Yahoo Personals and saw someone that looked familiar... and had an uncommon name... same as Mr Martini... yea... Mr Martini didn't make it past date 1... and it was a long time ago... but I saw someone so I thought... hmmm is it him? He kind of is cuter in the pick then the ass I met... so I winked at him... hahah... he sent me an email:
"We went to dinner once! and almost had sex!"
Well we did come close but thank god I didn't have sex with him and stood my ground..."
But I was tempted to email back... but I think I'm gonna leave it alone... he was kind of an ass I think... but what if he wasn't? haha
So I was looking through Yahoo Personals and saw someone that looked familiar... and had an uncommon name... same as Mr Martini... yea... Mr Martini didn't make it past date 1... and it was a long time ago... but I saw someone so I thought... hmmm is it him? He kind of is cuter in the pick then the ass I met... so I winked at him... hahah... he sent me an email:
"We went to dinner once! and almost had sex!"
Well we did come close but thank god I didn't have sex with him and stood my ground..."
But I was tempted to email back... but I think I'm gonna leave it alone... he was kind of an ass I think... but what if he wasn't? haha
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Mrs Black
Your result for The Harry Potter Husband Test...
Mrs. Black
You want a relationship filled with fun times, with a guy who you know will always back you up. Sure, he's a bit of a jerk with anyone who he doesn't approve of, but as long as he likes you, he'll be a lot of fun. Your days will be filled with laughter and merriment, though if you ever have kids, you'd better be prepared to lay some rules down or else they'll end up with a bunch of reckless rulebreakers running around, transforming into animals at every turn.
(Fanart by kellywormtongue http://kellywormtongue.deviantart.com/ Used with permission.)
Monday, August 25, 2008
I am 30!!
I turned 30 today! I had a great day… was excited about my plans with Mr. Friday… He did meet the friends on Friday… and it went good… I could tell he was showing off… and it was ok for the most part… just sometimes I wonder that’s all. Like when the guy that was suppose to start playing the piano at 8 wasn’t playing at 8:05… Mr. F kind of made a comment here and there… and all I could think of was… “Please don’t say anything to embarrass me!” He didn’t thank god!
It was a nice night… he chatted with some friends here and there… I am just not sure right now! It is so hard to explain… For one thing… I am just not sure what we have in common. We sit a lot of the time and I never know what to talk about. He LOVES politics… and yea I should know more about what is going on with it… and have been aware that I need to tune in. BUT, he is so far advanced in that area… and I don’t mind talking about it some… but I don’t get that passionate about it… I am not sure I ever will.
And then there is what happens in our day to day lives… so naturally we talk about that… his parents and mine… the weekend and week… what happened and what is planned… but what about other things? We saw music the first time we hung out… but haven’t since… we both like movies sure… but we can only talk about movies and TV so much. I am just not sure what else to talk about??
This has been on my mind all weekend… then today arrives… and I got a text from him at 9 saying “Happy Birthday!” Which was super sweet…
Tonight arrived… and the plan was to go to dinner and then back to my place to watch a movie or whatever… we arrive at the restaurant/pub. This is one of my favorite places… I have some great memories here… so it was a great place to spend my 30th birthday.
He kind of was in an odd mood from the start… wasn’t an attitude really… just short here and there… I had a coupon for a free meal on my bday… thinking, why not use it. He said when he realized it, “Well since this was my birthday gift to you… I get to buy just my own dinner…” We laughed about it… but… it was cute… but at the same time felt out of place I guess. Then we sat down and I scratched my ankle (I have BAD BAD poison ivy ALL over my legs) and he says ok scratchy…. Hahah… so we laughed and he says under his breath or quietly… not sure which…. “How romantic…” hmmm ok?
We ordered an appetizer and two meals… as we were waiting… we just kind of sat there… we didn’t know what else to talk about… so we tried to fill in the gaps here and there… and he was getting frustrated cause he was starving… and then the waitress brings over gravy for the fries… when we still hadn’t the appetizer yet. He looked at me and then tapped the lady on the shoulder and said, “Hey, why did this come out now? I would have rather gotten a fresh one when my fry’s come out… and our appetizer hasn’t even arrived yet…” She was shaken up… kept saying sorry! So… I was kind of uncomforgatable at this point. I never say much to the wait staff… unless they are bitch and nasty. But it’s not there fault!
So, we continue to wait… while the tables around us are all getting there main course… and we still needed our apps. She came by… the waitress and said that it would be up shortly… he smiled and said, “yea I am feeling a little neglected that’s all.” Hmmm ok? What about me? It’s MY Birthday!
I have been feeling off all day and I thought it was cause of my birth control pills… and when I say off, I mean super nauseous and just not hungry much at all… but it kind of came and went all day… so the apps arrived and I ate some of it… not tons just a few bites. Mr. Friday seemed to have calmed down… I mentioned at one point that it wasn’t the waitress’s fault… maybe something happened with the cook or whatever… he was like “true.” I ate and then the meals come. Our plan was to split the turkey and steak tips… I got one and he the other. He starts to split them and I take a fry. I all of sudden felt super full… I decided to take a breather and go to the ladies room. I was feeling worse by this point… and even thought about throwing up… but I thought I was ok.
I sat down and smiled at Mr. F…. asking how the food was? I drank some water and kept getting nauseous… at this point I had gotten all clammy and pale… and Mr. F could tell something wasn’t right… I said, “I am not feeling so good… I don’t think I can eat anymore right now.” I then decided maybe I needed to go to the bathroom… where I had to wait for the other person to finish. I opened the door to the outside… I was shaking and super pale. I got into the bathroom just in time to throw up all my apps…
After a little bit longer in the bathroom… I come out and he had pretty much finished his meal. He obviously knew I wasn’t feeling great… I said I was sorry… and I hope his food was ok. The waitress stopped by… asking if I would like to wrap up my non-eaten plate of food. I said sure and he said, “She isn’t feeling so good.” We get the check… and he says to the waitress… I feel like we should get some kind of deal for the apps since we waited so long… she ended up giving us 10% off plus I had the coupon for my free meal. I did take notice to what he gave her for a tip… and it was about 15%… more if you used the check he got… with the discounts taken off.
We walk outside and he says, “well since your not feeling good... we can postpone the movie… I also don’t want to get sick for this weekend…” I was like “ok, night… thanks” He kissed me on the forehead and said “goodnight… feel better”
It was an odd night… I am not sure what made me sick… and I am just not sure about this… about Mr. Friday. The whole being rude to the waitress… and on my birthday no less got to me…. It sure wasn’t a turn on! I guess I am also wondering what we have in common? I am not sure right now. I am not going to end it yet… I am not at that point. If this is the end though, I am not going to be surprised and maybe not that upset. I mean I def am liking the thought of having someone I know I will see… someone who pays attention to me. BUT… I am not sure if it’s HIM that I like or the idea of him.
As I said, I am def not going to say goodbye… unless he does it first… but I do see some red signs here… which I am going to have a good look at. Maybe he was in a bad mood… or maybe I wasn’t feeling good and was more sensitive then I realized. The next time I see him could be amazing… I am just not sure right now.
I am leaving the ball in his court for now. The last few weeks have been a mutual decision to hang out… but me getting the ball rolling. I think I am going to take a step back and wait. If he wants me… he knows where to find me. In some ways he owes me for tonight… he needs to want me… I have made the last few moves and now it’s his turn… or maybe this is the end… and we go our separate ways? As I say most of the time these days… we will see!
It was a nice night… he chatted with some friends here and there… I am just not sure right now! It is so hard to explain… For one thing… I am just not sure what we have in common. We sit a lot of the time and I never know what to talk about. He LOVES politics… and yea I should know more about what is going on with it… and have been aware that I need to tune in. BUT, he is so far advanced in that area… and I don’t mind talking about it some… but I don’t get that passionate about it… I am not sure I ever will.
And then there is what happens in our day to day lives… so naturally we talk about that… his parents and mine… the weekend and week… what happened and what is planned… but what about other things? We saw music the first time we hung out… but haven’t since… we both like movies sure… but we can only talk about movies and TV so much. I am just not sure what else to talk about??
This has been on my mind all weekend… then today arrives… and I got a text from him at 9 saying “Happy Birthday!” Which was super sweet…
Tonight arrived… and the plan was to go to dinner and then back to my place to watch a movie or whatever… we arrive at the restaurant/pub. This is one of my favorite places… I have some great memories here… so it was a great place to spend my 30th birthday.
He kind of was in an odd mood from the start… wasn’t an attitude really… just short here and there… I had a coupon for a free meal on my bday… thinking, why not use it. He said when he realized it, “Well since this was my birthday gift to you… I get to buy just my own dinner…” We laughed about it… but… it was cute… but at the same time felt out of place I guess. Then we sat down and I scratched my ankle (I have BAD BAD poison ivy ALL over my legs) and he says ok scratchy…. Hahah… so we laughed and he says under his breath or quietly… not sure which…. “How romantic…” hmmm ok?
We ordered an appetizer and two meals… as we were waiting… we just kind of sat there… we didn’t know what else to talk about… so we tried to fill in the gaps here and there… and he was getting frustrated cause he was starving… and then the waitress brings over gravy for the fries… when we still hadn’t the appetizer yet. He looked at me and then tapped the lady on the shoulder and said, “Hey, why did this come out now? I would have rather gotten a fresh one when my fry’s come out… and our appetizer hasn’t even arrived yet…” She was shaken up… kept saying sorry! So… I was kind of uncomforgatable at this point. I never say much to the wait staff… unless they are bitch and nasty. But it’s not there fault!
So, we continue to wait… while the tables around us are all getting there main course… and we still needed our apps. She came by… the waitress and said that it would be up shortly… he smiled and said, “yea I am feeling a little neglected that’s all.” Hmmm ok? What about me? It’s MY Birthday!
I have been feeling off all day and I thought it was cause of my birth control pills… and when I say off, I mean super nauseous and just not hungry much at all… but it kind of came and went all day… so the apps arrived and I ate some of it… not tons just a few bites. Mr. Friday seemed to have calmed down… I mentioned at one point that it wasn’t the waitress’s fault… maybe something happened with the cook or whatever… he was like “true.” I ate and then the meals come. Our plan was to split the turkey and steak tips… I got one and he the other. He starts to split them and I take a fry. I all of sudden felt super full… I decided to take a breather and go to the ladies room. I was feeling worse by this point… and even thought about throwing up… but I thought I was ok.
I sat down and smiled at Mr. F…. asking how the food was? I drank some water and kept getting nauseous… at this point I had gotten all clammy and pale… and Mr. F could tell something wasn’t right… I said, “I am not feeling so good… I don’t think I can eat anymore right now.” I then decided maybe I needed to go to the bathroom… where I had to wait for the other person to finish. I opened the door to the outside… I was shaking and super pale. I got into the bathroom just in time to throw up all my apps…
After a little bit longer in the bathroom… I come out and he had pretty much finished his meal. He obviously knew I wasn’t feeling great… I said I was sorry… and I hope his food was ok. The waitress stopped by… asking if I would like to wrap up my non-eaten plate of food. I said sure and he said, “She isn’t feeling so good.” We get the check… and he says to the waitress… I feel like we should get some kind of deal for the apps since we waited so long… she ended up giving us 10% off plus I had the coupon for my free meal. I did take notice to what he gave her for a tip… and it was about 15%… more if you used the check he got… with the discounts taken off.
We walk outside and he says, “well since your not feeling good... we can postpone the movie… I also don’t want to get sick for this weekend…” I was like “ok, night… thanks” He kissed me on the forehead and said “goodnight… feel better”
It was an odd night… I am not sure what made me sick… and I am just not sure about this… about Mr. Friday. The whole being rude to the waitress… and on my birthday no less got to me…. It sure wasn’t a turn on! I guess I am also wondering what we have in common? I am not sure right now. I am not going to end it yet… I am not at that point. If this is the end though, I am not going to be surprised and maybe not that upset. I mean I def am liking the thought of having someone I know I will see… someone who pays attention to me. BUT… I am not sure if it’s HIM that I like or the idea of him.
As I said, I am def not going to say goodbye… unless he does it first… but I do see some red signs here… which I am going to have a good look at. Maybe he was in a bad mood… or maybe I wasn’t feeling good and was more sensitive then I realized. The next time I see him could be amazing… I am just not sure right now.
I am leaving the ball in his court for now. The last few weeks have been a mutual decision to hang out… but me getting the ball rolling. I think I am going to take a step back and wait. If he wants me… he knows where to find me. In some ways he owes me for tonight… he needs to want me… I have made the last few moves and now it’s his turn… or maybe this is the end… and we go our separate ways? As I say most of the time these days… we will see!
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
A hard question to ask...
This week has been another roller coaster ride... why? Cause I think I make drama... well not exactly I suppose... but more I am never sure of someone I am dating. So I go from "oh my god, he actually likes me" to "are you kidding? Why would he?" to " Ok, he likes me today... but for how long?" Yep... I know I am nuts... but it is RUNNING through my head! Ha
On Monday I texted him, asking if he would have dinner with me on my birthday, which was the following Monday. He didn’t respond for over an hour... and I'' get into this in a sec, but... I was kind of freaking... wondering what he would think about this... for one its my birthday... meaning it is a special occasion... but he finally texted back... saying "Of course! Do you know where you want to go!”?
FEW!! I was calm again... until the following day... sexual things have started to develop... and after the response to this question... "Have you been tested?" He responded with a laugh, “No. Every girl I have been with is clean." I finally sent an email:
"I wanted to bring this up before it’s to late and I feel like we shouldn't have this conversation in public or in the heat of the moment... I would prefer it if both of us were tested before we do go this route. I know I mentioned it the other night... and you said you thought you were safe... and you prolly are.... just I would be more comfortable knowing for sure... do you understand?"
He did email back soon after saying that was fine... just not sure what he needed to do... since he hadn’t been to a dr since college. Yikes! I responded saying I could go with him or here are some options where they do testing!
I never heard back... so today I was doing my normal worrying... and was tempted to call on my way to dinner... but I held off... decided to wait...
He called me! I didn’t answer, cause I was at dinner with friends... but he did leave a message... and I did text back hoping he might still be awake. He wasn't :(
It is so interesting… the way dating is today. A few years ago… when a guy wanted to talk to you, he called you on the phone. Then came along email… which can be faster or longer… depending on the situation. Then there is texting and IMing… where it is once again instant… and someone can respond immediately… but when they don’t… you wonder why? BUT in reality someone is probably busy… and most likely will get to it when they can.
SO… I am just venting… cause that is how I am… and I hopefully will see Mr. Friday on Friday!
On Monday I texted him, asking if he would have dinner with me on my birthday, which was the following Monday. He didn’t respond for over an hour... and I'' get into this in a sec, but... I was kind of freaking... wondering what he would think about this... for one its my birthday... meaning it is a special occasion... but he finally texted back... saying "Of course! Do you know where you want to go!”?
FEW!! I was calm again... until the following day... sexual things have started to develop... and after the response to this question... "Have you been tested?" He responded with a laugh, “No. Every girl I have been with is clean." I finally sent an email:
"I wanted to bring this up before it’s to late and I feel like we shouldn't have this conversation in public or in the heat of the moment... I would prefer it if both of us were tested before we do go this route. I know I mentioned it the other night... and you said you thought you were safe... and you prolly are.... just I would be more comfortable knowing for sure... do you understand?"
He did email back soon after saying that was fine... just not sure what he needed to do... since he hadn’t been to a dr since college. Yikes! I responded saying I could go with him or here are some options where they do testing!
I never heard back... so today I was doing my normal worrying... and was tempted to call on my way to dinner... but I held off... decided to wait...
He called me! I didn’t answer, cause I was at dinner with friends... but he did leave a message... and I did text back hoping he might still be awake. He wasn't :(
It is so interesting… the way dating is today. A few years ago… when a guy wanted to talk to you, he called you on the phone. Then came along email… which can be faster or longer… depending on the situation. Then there is texting and IMing… where it is once again instant… and someone can respond immediately… but when they don’t… you wonder why? BUT in reality someone is probably busy… and most likely will get to it when they can.
SO… I am just venting… cause that is how I am… and I hopefully will see Mr. Friday on Friday!
Sunday, August 17, 2008
What do I want?
I saw Mr. F Friday night; we had reservations to a nice restaurant… and went to the pub first to have a beer. It was nice all the way around… I will be honest and say I did get butterflies… by seeing him? or maybe more about the idea of him or? was it for him? That is a problem now isn’t it?
After a few hours at this beautiful place, both paying Dutch… “I would pay for you, but since you offered and it did come to 75 bucks, I’ll let you pay yours tonight…” I cant say I was upset, it WAS expensive… and I do believe if the bill had been half the price… he would have paid the whole enchilada…
After dinner it was pouring rain… and it sucked cause he thought maybe we could walk to Harvard… walk around… site-see and whatnot! BUT, we were both tired from our long weeks and decided to go back to my place and watch a movie…
I think I like him… I definitely smile at the thought of him… and am starting to want to see him more then just the normal once a week… but… it doesn’t seem to work out that way. I did text last Wednesday on a whim to see if he “wanted to grab a burrito after work…” he said “he wasn’t sure when he would be out” and then texted again later that night telling me “he was going to be there (work) awhile…” L … then this morning…. I texted asking him if he “wanted to do something fun” Him texting… “Can’t, super busy today…”
I think I am going to say the same thing as last week… I need to relax about it! I know I say I want something slow…but it’s hard when you like someone and want to see that person. So I technically know that slow means once a week…
Sooo… me being me… I wonder… where are we going! Maybe he really and truely wants to go slow… hence why we see each other only once a week or so… or … does that mean he is just going along with the flow… and likes me well enough to see me once a week… but lets face it… I am not that into her to let her be my official girlfriend! I know I am over thinking this… and I am going to stop and say… maybe he does want to see me… but is really and truly busy…
Next weekend I invited him to a friend’s birthday party… I am nervous… for him to meet my friends… for my friends to meet him… for the interactions all the way around! But, the time has come… it will be 6 weeks on Friday… And then I wonder… what do I call him? My boyfriend? Obviously we have been talking about things to do in the future… maybe not long term… but upcoming week plans… enough where we know things aren’t ending just yet! And we have in one way or another said we weren’t with anyone else… so what does that mean? Dating and friends still? Boyfriend? Lover…. hah? Hmmm…. My gut says friend… but… I don’t want him to think that’s all I think we are… ha-haa… me and my overactive mind!
Another thing came to light over dinner on Friday… he said he doesn’t want to have kids. Now… I am honestly not sure how I feel… I know as I said before… I am trying to NOT think about the future here… and just go in the moment… but doesn’t that kind of thing come into affect. Its not like I am 21 and I have all the time in the world to experiment and date someone for 5-10 years before I decide it really isn’t working, and I move on to someone new for marriage and kids. I have thought about having kids… and I always thought it would be in my future. In the last year or so… it has come into my mind about wanting kids or not. I have my friend’s kids’… niece and nephews and cousins…. Is it so bad if I am just the best aunt in the world! Rather then the best mom? I see my cousin and his wife… and how happy they are with their dogs and one cat. I see how fulfilled they are living day-to-day lives, without having to worry about daycare and soccer practices. They are both turning 40 and have decided that maybe they don’t want kids… and are ok with that. Am I ok to be the same way? I think at times I might be… but then I get the slight twinge when someone calls with the good news… I wonder what it feels like to have the flutter of a kicking foot in your tummy. I wonder what its like to see your baby for the first time. I do! I want it in some ways… but then other times I don’t… so I do wonder how he feels about it all! Is he maybe thinking “the same ways”… and if we did get involved long term… would he at least talk about it and consider it… or what if he is so against it… that we do get involved and I miss out on something amazing and beautiful… or maybe we do get involved and we are happy being the best Aunt and Uncle Fridays as possible! Spoiling them and then sending them on their way when the fussing begins.
Anyway… I know I shouldn’t be at this stage yet… but its there and something to consider in the long run… no matter what… if they are at the front of my thoughts or in my subconscious… what do I want really? When it all comes down to it! What do I want?
After a few hours at this beautiful place, both paying Dutch… “I would pay for you, but since you offered and it did come to 75 bucks, I’ll let you pay yours tonight…” I cant say I was upset, it WAS expensive… and I do believe if the bill had been half the price… he would have paid the whole enchilada…
After dinner it was pouring rain… and it sucked cause he thought maybe we could walk to Harvard… walk around… site-see and whatnot! BUT, we were both tired from our long weeks and decided to go back to my place and watch a movie…
I think I like him… I definitely smile at the thought of him… and am starting to want to see him more then just the normal once a week… but… it doesn’t seem to work out that way. I did text last Wednesday on a whim to see if he “wanted to grab a burrito after work…” he said “he wasn’t sure when he would be out” and then texted again later that night telling me “he was going to be there (work) awhile…” L … then this morning…. I texted asking him if he “wanted to do something fun” Him texting… “Can’t, super busy today…”
I think I am going to say the same thing as last week… I need to relax about it! I know I say I want something slow…but it’s hard when you like someone and want to see that person. So I technically know that slow means once a week…
Sooo… me being me… I wonder… where are we going! Maybe he really and truely wants to go slow… hence why we see each other only once a week or so… or … does that mean he is just going along with the flow… and likes me well enough to see me once a week… but lets face it… I am not that into her to let her be my official girlfriend! I know I am over thinking this… and I am going to stop and say… maybe he does want to see me… but is really and truly busy…
Next weekend I invited him to a friend’s birthday party… I am nervous… for him to meet my friends… for my friends to meet him… for the interactions all the way around! But, the time has come… it will be 6 weeks on Friday… And then I wonder… what do I call him? My boyfriend? Obviously we have been talking about things to do in the future… maybe not long term… but upcoming week plans… enough where we know things aren’t ending just yet! And we have in one way or another said we weren’t with anyone else… so what does that mean? Dating and friends still? Boyfriend? Lover…. hah? Hmmm…. My gut says friend… but… I don’t want him to think that’s all I think we are… ha-haa… me and my overactive mind!
Another thing came to light over dinner on Friday… he said he doesn’t want to have kids. Now… I am honestly not sure how I feel… I know as I said before… I am trying to NOT think about the future here… and just go in the moment… but doesn’t that kind of thing come into affect. Its not like I am 21 and I have all the time in the world to experiment and date someone for 5-10 years before I decide it really isn’t working, and I move on to someone new for marriage and kids. I have thought about having kids… and I always thought it would be in my future. In the last year or so… it has come into my mind about wanting kids or not. I have my friend’s kids’… niece and nephews and cousins…. Is it so bad if I am just the best aunt in the world! Rather then the best mom? I see my cousin and his wife… and how happy they are with their dogs and one cat. I see how fulfilled they are living day-to-day lives, without having to worry about daycare and soccer practices. They are both turning 40 and have decided that maybe they don’t want kids… and are ok with that. Am I ok to be the same way? I think at times I might be… but then I get the slight twinge when someone calls with the good news… I wonder what it feels like to have the flutter of a kicking foot in your tummy. I wonder what its like to see your baby for the first time. I do! I want it in some ways… but then other times I don’t… so I do wonder how he feels about it all! Is he maybe thinking “the same ways”… and if we did get involved long term… would he at least talk about it and consider it… or what if he is so against it… that we do get involved and I miss out on something amazing and beautiful… or maybe we do get involved and we are happy being the best Aunt and Uncle Fridays as possible! Spoiling them and then sending them on their way when the fussing begins.
Anyway… I know I shouldn’t be at this stage yet… but its there and something to consider in the long run… no matter what… if they are at the front of my thoughts or in my subconscious… what do I want really? When it all comes down to it! What do I want?
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Confidence!
I went to the cape this weekend...it was fun...and Mr. Friday texted on Friday to make sure I got my car ok...we texted off and on through the day...me even inviting him to the cape (where he grew up…not to stay with me!)...but he still wasn't feeling 100%... saying he would...but didn’t want to drive more then 10 miles.
We didn’t talk again until today...I texted asking how he was feeling...and instead of texting he called. It was pouring out and I was returning from Target...he was home relaxing...hanging out until cards tonight with friends.
I didn’t have any plans... and I'll admit... I wanted to see him... so I said sure... I can come over for a bit. We hung out... cuddled... listened to the rain... it was nice... still no talk about when I will see him again... since no plans have been made. I am working hard on not asking him about that... I don’t want to be to pushy so I haven’t asked when we will see each other... but damn I so wanted to ask!
I have such a hard time not having a plan in my life. Which is funny because I also like the randomness of things…or the shift of a schedule…it livens things up. For example, I LOVE going a different way home every day…or having different plans for every night of the week…or on a Sunday morning just deciding to go for a ride to somewhere new…no where planned. I also love going on vacation and winging it…no plan…no time table…but then why do I want so badly to know when Ill see him again. I guess maybe I am not confident enough…in him…in me…even though the other part of my brain is yelling…why would he be calling you if he didn’t like you! Soooo… I am working on it!!! Confidence!
We didn’t talk again until today...I texted asking how he was feeling...and instead of texting he called. It was pouring out and I was returning from Target...he was home relaxing...hanging out until cards tonight with friends.
I didn’t have any plans... and I'll admit... I wanted to see him... so I said sure... I can come over for a bit. We hung out... cuddled... listened to the rain... it was nice... still no talk about when I will see him again... since no plans have been made. I am working hard on not asking him about that... I don’t want to be to pushy so I haven’t asked when we will see each other... but damn I so wanted to ask!
I have such a hard time not having a plan in my life. Which is funny because I also like the randomness of things…or the shift of a schedule…it livens things up. For example, I LOVE going a different way home every day…or having different plans for every night of the week…or on a Sunday morning just deciding to go for a ride to somewhere new…no where planned. I also love going on vacation and winging it…no plan…no time table…but then why do I want so badly to know when Ill see him again. I guess maybe I am not confident enough…in him…in me…even though the other part of my brain is yelling…why would he be calling you if he didn’t like you! Soooo… I am working on it!!! Confidence!
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Sick!
It was 6:30… and I had another date with Mr. Friday… it had been almost a week… and we had plans for dinner. I was excited actually…even put makeup on for the occasion.
As I was coming up to where my car was suppose to be…I realized it was missing… ”what the hell?” I started to freak…was it stolen? Towed? But why would it have been towed?
As I was looking around… I noticed another car being towed at the other end of the street. I walked to the copper sitting there watching… and asked him where my car was…and why had it been towed? I didn’t have it registered! It was the 6th! And it was towed from being 6 days late?
I called Mr. Friday and told him I couldn’t meet him after all… I was kind of freaking out to be honest… and was trying to stay calm. He was all stuffed up and coughing due to a cold… but offered to pick me up when he caught the hysteria bubbling near the surface. I felt bad, so I said “no you are sick… I can just figure it out.” He said, “no, I can come and bring you to your car. Where are you now?”
In a nutshell… I had to register my car before picking it up… but since it was after 7… I wasn’t sure it would go through. I went to the towing place… and as I was getting out, MR Friday asks if I was ok now? I said sure, I can cab it if I can’t get it… and he proceeds to say, no I can come in… let me go around the block. I couldn’t pick up my car without having the proper registration… they had to call the police to see if it went through… basically it wouldn’t until someone could process it.
I went upstairs, grabbed stuff from my car, and got back into his jeep. I started directing him home… he had said earlier that he wasn’t feeling good enough to even eat. As we were driving by some restaurants, I said “are you sure you don’t want to eat something?” He decided to pull into one after all… we had another nice time… him trying not to cough and me trying not to feel to bad. I decided to pay for dinner as a thank you… and he then drove me home.
As we were pulling up to my place…he says “I don’t want to kiss you goodnight because I don’t want you to get sick…” I smiled and said “ok, thanks again” him saying “thanks for dinner.”
So I guess we are still seeing each other… since he mentioned a kiss and helped me out when he really didn’t have to. It was nice and sweet that he helped… and obviously wanted to see me even though he wasn’t feeling well. I think the whole night actually made me like him more… just because for once I had someone I could count on… even for just that night. So… that is that… not sure when I will see him again… but I am assuming it will be sometime next week… since I have other plans this weekend.
As I was coming up to where my car was suppose to be…I realized it was missing… ”what the hell?” I started to freak…was it stolen? Towed? But why would it have been towed?
As I was looking around… I noticed another car being towed at the other end of the street. I walked to the copper sitting there watching… and asked him where my car was…and why had it been towed? I didn’t have it registered! It was the 6th! And it was towed from being 6 days late?
I called Mr. Friday and told him I couldn’t meet him after all… I was kind of freaking out to be honest… and was trying to stay calm. He was all stuffed up and coughing due to a cold… but offered to pick me up when he caught the hysteria bubbling near the surface. I felt bad, so I said “no you are sick… I can just figure it out.” He said, “no, I can come and bring you to your car. Where are you now?”
In a nutshell… I had to register my car before picking it up… but since it was after 7… I wasn’t sure it would go through. I went to the towing place… and as I was getting out, MR Friday asks if I was ok now? I said sure, I can cab it if I can’t get it… and he proceeds to say, no I can come in… let me go around the block. I couldn’t pick up my car without having the proper registration… they had to call the police to see if it went through… basically it wouldn’t until someone could process it.
I went upstairs, grabbed stuff from my car, and got back into his jeep. I started directing him home… he had said earlier that he wasn’t feeling good enough to even eat. As we were driving by some restaurants, I said “are you sure you don’t want to eat something?” He decided to pull into one after all… we had another nice time… him trying not to cough and me trying not to feel to bad. I decided to pay for dinner as a thank you… and he then drove me home.
As we were pulling up to my place…he says “I don’t want to kiss you goodnight because I don’t want you to get sick…” I smiled and said “ok, thanks again” him saying “thanks for dinner.”
So I guess we are still seeing each other… since he mentioned a kiss and helped me out when he really didn’t have to. It was nice and sweet that he helped… and obviously wanted to see me even though he wasn’t feeling well. I think the whole night actually made me like him more… just because for once I had someone I could count on… even for just that night. So… that is that… not sure when I will see him again… but I am assuming it will be sometime next week… since I have other plans this weekend.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
The unknown land
I went to Mr Friday's house again tonight to watch a movie... it was nice. Its bad, because I still don't know how I feel about this...him...I just am going along with the motions. At times I really do think I like him... for example I was freaking out that he wasn't going to call the other night... or when I felt a twinge of unease when he mentioned plans with his ex.
But, as he opened the door, I just wondered... do I like you? I guess its that I like him, but then I don't. He doesn't give me goosebumps or flutters. But he does make me smile, I just wish I could laugh more. I am not sure where this is going, cause there are little things I kind of don't like, and some things I can see getting better rather then worse. So, I am still in unknown land...
But, as he opened the door, I just wondered... do I like you? I guess its that I like him, but then I don't. He doesn't give me goosebumps or flutters. But he does make me smile, I just wish I could laugh more. I am not sure where this is going, cause there are little things I kind of don't like, and some things I can see getting better rather then worse. So, I am still in unknown land...
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Take it or leave it.
"Many blogs provide commentary or news on a particular subject; others function as more personal online diaries. "
OK, so I guess my thinking tonight is if my posts really makes you want to put a bullet through YOUR head...then please do not read this. Sorry, maybe people think I am dumb, BUT I have never said I was going to be perfect here... for me this was the one place where I was finally myself... and you know what? I am sooo critical of myself...the way I look, my weight, my humor and personality, choices and jobs, that this was a place I could go and just write... it is a blog... meant for me to take out my frustrations... meant to be a diary of my dating experiences... if you don't like that I make mistakes and am not perfect like some people, then as I said just don't read it and go somewhere else for your entertainment, because I am tired of the critical comments...about a BLOG!
If you are taking time to read it great... but this is for me... I write most of these entries at 11 at night, trying to flush out frustrations before closing my eyes and seeing it over and over in my head... therefore if I start making this blog be to much work, I am not going to write... I don't have the time to add that into my day... therefore, I am not going to over analyze everything... if you do not like it, then go read someone who is perfect... or better yet go read someone who does this for a living and has multiple people working and proofing entries. This is me... this is my blog...take it or leave it.
OK, so I guess my thinking tonight is if my posts really makes you want to put a bullet through YOUR head...then please do not read this. Sorry, maybe people think I am dumb, BUT I have never said I was going to be perfect here... for me this was the one place where I was finally myself... and you know what? I am sooo critical of myself...the way I look, my weight, my humor and personality, choices and jobs, that this was a place I could go and just write... it is a blog... meant for me to take out my frustrations... meant to be a diary of my dating experiences... if you don't like that I make mistakes and am not perfect like some people, then as I said just don't read it and go somewhere else for your entertainment, because I am tired of the critical comments...about a BLOG!
If you are taking time to read it great... but this is for me... I write most of these entries at 11 at night, trying to flush out frustrations before closing my eyes and seeing it over and over in my head... therefore if I start making this blog be to much work, I am not going to write... I don't have the time to add that into my day... therefore, I am not going to over analyze everything... if you do not like it, then go read someone who is perfect... or better yet go read someone who does this for a living and has multiple people working and proofing entries. This is me... this is my blog...take it or leave it.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Friday stalker!
Last Friday night I went to dinner with friends I hadn't seen in 8 years! It was so nice to see them, and connect with someone from my past...to connect with someone you just know had a similar backgrounds growing up. As I was following them to there place after dinner, I thought about texting Mr Friday that I was in his neighborhood...since we were hanging out the following night instead, I knew he had plans with his new roommate.... I asked him actually...since he said he was busy and broke, I thought a low key night was in order. SO I emailed and asked...he said sure, lets do Saturday night.
So...as I was driving to my friends, I drove by someone walking to his car, as I glanced through my window, I saw him...it was Mr. Friday! I started to laugh, and yea my heart did race some...just from the shock...so I decided to call...and even though he was with his roommate and obviously busy, he still answered..."Hey, what's up?" Me, "not much, did you just walk outside?" haha so yea it was him...the stalker that I am!
So, that was a small world moment, him saying, "Well now you know where I live tomorrow night if you come by to watch the movie."
SO, Saturday came...and so did the night. I picked up pizza on my way...and we watched a movie... he was nice... and sweet as usual... it was super comfortable, and I could have just stayed...maybe it was the beer and the good company.
I will be honest and say I am still not so sure yet. I def am liking him...and when I think about him he does put a smile on my face...but at times I think...what am I feeling really? Comfort or attraction? Is it like because he obviously is interested and maybe I like the attention and that for once someone is into ME!
I know I enjoy his company...and maybe his kiss did have a little bit more heat this time, but...I guess I will see as time goes on. Maybe I am waiting for the donkey or pig I usually date...that I am just not used to it...its confusing cause I am usually more worried how they are feeling rather then analyzing my own feelings. My own feelings have been second for so long, that sometimes I don't know how to think for me.
Its not just in guys, its my whole life. I worry about everyone, from roommates and family to coworkers and friends...what they think matters to me. I would rather someone be happy...as long as that is the case then I am at ease. Am I happy?? Hmmm...I don't know...I am just more at ease...until someone frowns that is.
I have been really working on trying not to be this way anymore. I have been making an effort to live my life rather then someone else's. Because as we all know its "MY LIFE" no one else's...for me that is. SO, if this is the case...maybe I am just scared and don't know how to feel this way...feel this "MY LIFE" thing that everyone else knows about.
OR...is it him and maybe we just don't click...or do we?
So...as I was driving to my friends, I drove by someone walking to his car, as I glanced through my window, I saw him...it was Mr. Friday! I started to laugh, and yea my heart did race some...just from the shock...so I decided to call...and even though he was with his roommate and obviously busy, he still answered..."Hey, what's up?" Me, "not much, did you just walk outside?" haha so yea it was him...the stalker that I am!
So, that was a small world moment, him saying, "Well now you know where I live tomorrow night if you come by to watch the movie."
SO, Saturday came...and so did the night. I picked up pizza on my way...and we watched a movie... he was nice... and sweet as usual... it was super comfortable, and I could have just stayed...maybe it was the beer and the good company.
I will be honest and say I am still not so sure yet. I def am liking him...and when I think about him he does put a smile on my face...but at times I think...what am I feeling really? Comfort or attraction? Is it like because he obviously is interested and maybe I like the attention and that for once someone is into ME!
I know I enjoy his company...and maybe his kiss did have a little bit more heat this time, but...I guess I will see as time goes on. Maybe I am waiting for the donkey or pig I usually date...that I am just not used to it...its confusing cause I am usually more worried how they are feeling rather then analyzing my own feelings. My own feelings have been second for so long, that sometimes I don't know how to think for me.
Its not just in guys, its my whole life. I worry about everyone, from roommates and family to coworkers and friends...what they think matters to me. I would rather someone be happy...as long as that is the case then I am at ease. Am I happy?? Hmmm...I don't know...I am just more at ease...until someone frowns that is.
I have been really working on trying not to be this way anymore. I have been making an effort to live my life rather then someone else's. Because as we all know its "MY LIFE" no one else's...for me that is. SO, if this is the case...maybe I am just scared and don't know how to feel this way...feel this "MY LIFE" thing that everyone else knows about.
OR...is it him and maybe we just don't click...or do we?
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Another friday!
I had my second date with Mr Friday. He was still nice and sweet...I did find it odd that he kissed me as soon as I got into the car...not like "wowo baby you light my fire"...a more like..."hi sweety, how are you?" Just strange for the second date I guess...but sweet I suppose.
We had another great night. He is super sweet and doesn't worry about ordering and then paying...he just is nice. We went for dinner and to a movie to see "Batman" which was awesome by the way! Heath was an amazing actor! OK, back to the date, after about an hour he held my hand and put his hand on my thigh...it was nice.
We drove back to my place, he picked me up and drove me home...like a real date...so as he was driving down my street, I was obsessing "do I let him in?" or "do I not?" when he pulled up to my driveway...and saying "Well I had another great night." We kissed a few kisses and then I said goodnight. I get paranoid after the last few years when a guy doesn't do more I guess. I just expected him to say, no one more...or something like that...does that mean he is just an actual nice guy who is going slow...or is he just not that into it...its so hard to tell at first...which maybe is a good thing rather then a bad.
I have a hard time though...telling if I am really and truly attracted...I mean sure when we held hands it was nice, but when we kiss it isn't stars and passions...but will it come in time...maybe we are both nervous and careful and aren't putting out hearts out there...but what is it really? OK this is me going on a tangent here...so stop reading if you have to...but...
What if, because I like him and we have fun...laugh and have similar interests....OK so now WHAT if I settle for this and go slow for the time being...just have fun and what not...and settle for non passion...settle for comfort first. I know there will be a third date...and prolly a fourth...so I get nervous thinking about that time...because then it means we will have sex...and then we are exclusive...then months have gone by...lives are being mingled... Then I stop and think did I really want all of this I am turning 50 and living with some man that I don't have sex with...but who I know I am OK with.
Is that an OK thing? What if I am so DESPERATE...that I settle...and stop looking for "the one"...BUT who says he ISN'T number one? What says it has to be one way or the other...right? I just get nervous and stress about these kinds of things...just the not knowing. I want there to be some kind of sign that says this is him...this is the feeling you get...this is an emotion that makes ur heart race and palms sweat and you have met the one who you want to jump at every moment. BUT see that's me looking for perfection. What is real? How does someone know that this is it...
Anyway...I think I am done rambling for one night, and go to bed. I know only time will tell with Mr Friday, and its a great thing that he is moving slowly...cause I need time to figure out what I want...without letting the physical get in the way.
We had another great night. He is super sweet and doesn't worry about ordering and then paying...he just is nice. We went for dinner and to a movie to see "Batman" which was awesome by the way! Heath was an amazing actor! OK, back to the date, after about an hour he held my hand and put his hand on my thigh...it was nice.
We drove back to my place, he picked me up and drove me home...like a real date...so as he was driving down my street, I was obsessing "do I let him in?" or "do I not?" when he pulled up to my driveway...and saying "Well I had another great night." We kissed a few kisses and then I said goodnight. I get paranoid after the last few years when a guy doesn't do more I guess. I just expected him to say, no one more...or something like that...does that mean he is just an actual nice guy who is going slow...or is he just not that into it...its so hard to tell at first...which maybe is a good thing rather then a bad.
I have a hard time though...telling if I am really and truly attracted...I mean sure when we held hands it was nice, but when we kiss it isn't stars and passions...but will it come in time...maybe we are both nervous and careful and aren't putting out hearts out there...but what is it really? OK this is me going on a tangent here...so stop reading if you have to...but...
What if, because I like him and we have fun...laugh and have similar interests....OK so now WHAT if I settle for this and go slow for the time being...just have fun and what not...and settle for non passion...settle for comfort first. I know there will be a third date...and prolly a fourth...so I get nervous thinking about that time...because then it means we will have sex...and then we are exclusive...then months have gone by...lives are being mingled... Then I stop and think did I really want all of this I am turning 50 and living with some man that I don't have sex with...but who I know I am OK with.
Is that an OK thing? What if I am so DESPERATE...that I settle...and stop looking for "the one"...BUT who says he ISN'T number one? What says it has to be one way or the other...right? I just get nervous and stress about these kinds of things...just the not knowing. I want there to be some kind of sign that says this is him...this is the feeling you get...this is an emotion that makes ur heart race and palms sweat and you have met the one who you want to jump at every moment. BUT see that's me looking for perfection. What is real? How does someone know that this is it...
Anyway...I think I am done rambling for one night, and go to bed. I know only time will tell with Mr Friday, and its a great thing that he is moving slowly...cause I need time to figure out what I want...without letting the physical get in the way.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Im going to go with the flow.
I had a date Friday night. It was nice...better then I expected. He seems to be really nice and genuine. I am def not sure where its headed...I do know he kissed me goodnight and contacted me the next morning. He was interested...and I think I am too.
It was nice that he paid for dinner, not making me feel bad for it. He held doors open for me...and I think he was more nervous then I was...since he was wearing a long sleeve shirt in 80 degree weather. We connected during dinner, and I decided to invite him to watch a friends band...I bought his cover and he bought me drinks. He was sweet and liked the bands...was or seemed excited about them and finding new bands to follow. He didn't attack me for sex, he didn't even hold my hand which I'll be honest and say I kind of don't like it...maybe later on I will...but during a first date its awkward. He did have his arm around my shoulder on the T ride and did give me a hug and kiss goodnight.
So we are suppose to plan something soon, he called me tonight. As I said he was nice...I just need to learn to STOP thinking ahead, and stop freaking and thinking and over analysing. I need to just enjoy the here and the now and stop wondering what people are thinking and wondering, stop thinking about what he is thinking and wondering...stop worrying about if I am into him or just lonely. And just go with the flow.
It was nice that he paid for dinner, not making me feel bad for it. He held doors open for me...and I think he was more nervous then I was...since he was wearing a long sleeve shirt in 80 degree weather. We connected during dinner, and I decided to invite him to watch a friends band...I bought his cover and he bought me drinks. He was sweet and liked the bands...was or seemed excited about them and finding new bands to follow. He didn't attack me for sex, he didn't even hold my hand which I'll be honest and say I kind of don't like it...maybe later on I will...but during a first date its awkward. He did have his arm around my shoulder on the T ride and did give me a hug and kiss goodnight.
So we are suppose to plan something soon, he called me tonight. As I said he was nice...I just need to learn to STOP thinking ahead, and stop freaking and thinking and over analysing. I need to just enjoy the here and the now and stop wondering what people are thinking and wondering, stop thinking about what he is thinking and wondering...stop worrying about if I am into him or just lonely. And just go with the flow.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Another ad...why not?
I want to start hiking, camping, and biking, more activities like this...I have been busy with the career and now I just want to have a life too...I woke up the other day and realized all my friends are couples and I am turning 30 in 6 weeks! Yikes! I want to do things I haven't done! I want a person who will do the things I want to do or try...and I would love for someone who can make me laugh everyday no matter what.
I am not super thin, not huge either, but I am honest...am around a size 14...but have been losing weight...hence my new interest in trying new things...
Well...maybe I will hear from someone normal who wants to meet rather then email and IM for weeks...and please be near my age and single...hope to hear from you...
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Who is the question of the night!
So...I got back from Jamaica last sunday and have been feeling thinner! I had pictures taken of me and felt that a lot of them made me look thinner then I had in the past. I got hit on the minute I stepped off the bus...sure it was a Jamaican guy, but hey why not...he was a cutie in his native way.
So...I was feeling more confident in the way I look...so I decided to try dating again... also it doesnt help that I am bored... and just would like to find someone to make me laugh.
So I decided Crazy Blind Date was the way to go...then I get a text saying that this guy I was suppose to meet doesnt except text messages...which totally threw me. How was I suppose to know who the guy is...all I have on him is a name...and I wasnt about to walk up to any one standing alone and say, "Are you Ken?"
Anyway, I sat at the bar and had a beer...talked to my married very cute neighbor. I did see one guy walking around...he even looked at me and didnt say anything to me. Was he Ken? But...since neither of us had the balls to say "Are you...?" I decided though...if this guy was make my heart tremor hot...then maybe I could have something...but I just wasnt all into him...and maybe if he was Ken, he wasnt into me anymore then I was into him...other wise maybe he would have said "Are you Katie?"
So I got home, talked to a friend about hitting a movie, and went online...and decided in my hours before walking out the door, that maybe after all this time, I would check out my old stomping ground of CL> and responded to a guys ad...
"+++++ Sick of one sided conversations+++++++++++ - 32 (Waltham/Newton)
The topic says it all.. Sure I date but it always seems to be a one sided conversation. I am 32 single, handsome and looking for the right lady to engage in a REAL conversation and have a winning personality such as mine. IF you think you can fit is description send a pic to get mine and we will go from there."
We talked on email...him responding to my pic...and went on IM...which is faster then email.
7:40:04 PM Me: hi
7:40:15 PM Mr Bullz Eye: hey
7:40:23 PM Me: thought this might be easier
7:40:24 PM Me: ha
7:40:29 PM Mr Bullz Eye: lol
7:40:57 PM Me: so what do u do?
7:41:02 PM Mr Bullz Eye: finance
7:41:13 PM Mr Bullz Eye: you
7:41:19 PM Me: design
7:41:38 PM Mr Bullz Eye: < -- equity trader
7:41:46 PM Mr Bullz Eye: you have a degree
7:41:48 PM Mr Bullz Eye: ?
7:41:50 PM Me: two
7:41:51 PM Me: ha
7:41:55 PM Mr Bullz Eye: same 2
7:42:00 PM Mr Bullz Eye: where yo go
7:42:24 PM Me: school in albany ny and then grad in atlanta ga
7:42:43 PM Mr Bullz Eye: ya my sister goes to albany college of pharm
7:42:55 PM Me: oh yea that was close to where i went
7:42:55 PM Mr Bullz Eye: 4th year
7:43:03 PM Me: i went to the college of st rose
7:43:04 PM Mr Bullz Eye: i went to oswego
7:43:24 PM Mr Bullz Eye: st rose.. my 2 aunts got here master there in music they teach good school
7:43:34 PM Me: nice
7:43:38 PM Mr Bullz Eye: cool
7:43:40 PM Mr Bullz Eye: beans
7:43:41 PM Me: no one knows the school usually
7:43:42 PM Me: ha
7:43:54 PM Mr Bullz Eye: ya unless you know albany
7:44:00 PM Me: where did u grow up?
7:44:10 PM Mr Bullz Eye: 1 hour west of albany
7:44:15 PM Mr Bullz Eye: Gloversville
7:44:38 PM Mr Bullz Eye: then work and live in saratoga for 4 year
7:44:41 PM Mr Bullz Eye: (s)
7:44:44 PM Me: nice
7:44:50 PM Me: i like saratoga
7:44:55 PM Mr Bullz Eye: fun place
7:44:58 PM Me: i grew up in vermont
7:45:03 PM Mr Bullz Eye: i snow board
7:45:05 PM Mr Bullz Eye: killington
7:45:13 PM Me: i grew up near there
7:45:18 PM Mr Bullz Eye: cool
7:45:21 PM Me: near rutland
7:45:27 PM Mr Bullz Eye: cool
7:45:27 PM Me: closer to NY though
7:46:10 PM Me: so no parties tonight ...lol
7:46:17 PM Mr Bullz Eye: lol.. no you?
7:46:23 PM Mr Bullz Eye: how old are you?
7:46:27 PM Me: im off to the movies in a bit
7:46:29 PM Me: im 29
7:46:32 PM Mr Bullz Eye: k 31
7:46:40 PM Me: going to be 30 :( in a few weeks
7:46:42 PM Me: ha
7:46:48 PM Mr Bullz Eye: kool
7:46:50 PM Me: no offence to the 31 yr old
7:46:58 PM Mr Bullz Eye: easy killer
7:47:02 PM Me: haha
7:47:13 PM Me: i was just saying in response to my :(
7:47:22 PM Mr Bullz Eye: i know its all good
7:49:23 PM Me: u go out last night?
7:49:30 PM Mr Bullz Eye: i didnt
7:49:39 PM Mr Bullz Eye: but thursday i did
7:49:54 PM Mr Bullz Eye: hardcore :D
7:49:58 PM Me: lol
7:50:03 PM Me: still recovering?
7:50:13 PM Mr Bullz Eye: actually trying to-unrecover!
7:51:25 PM Mr Bullz Eye: ?
7:51:31 PM Me: ?
7:51:33 PM Me: lol
7:51:36 PM Mr Bullz Eye: lol
7:52:30 PM Me: so u live in waltham?
7:52:44 PM Mr Bullz Eye: yes
7:52:48 PM Mr Bullz Eye: you?
7:52:52 PM Me: newotn
7:52:55 PM Me: newton
7:53:01 PM Mr Bullz Eye: what ever they call hit
7:53:04 PM Mr Bullz Eye: lol
7:53:08 PM Me: :)
7:54:44 PM Me: so we should meet up sometime or something, i find meeting better then emailing and Iming
7:55:12 PM Mr Bullz Eye: what are you looking for
7:55:21 PM Me: i dont know
7:55:30 PM Me: no expectations
7:55:38 PM Me: what r u looking for?
7:55:48 PM Mr Bullz Eye: expectations
7:55:51 PM Mr Bullz Eye: lol
7:55:52 PM Mr Bullz Eye: no-expectations
7:56:02 PM Me: wait what
7:56:04 PM Me: lol
7:56:15 PM Mr Bullz Eye: im looking for whatever
7:56:18 PM Mr Bullz Eye: i guess
7:56:26 PM Me: at the moment i kind of want to have fun...sure I want to marriage and stuff...but you cant rush into it
7:56:40 PM Me: so i just want to have fun until its not anymore
7:56:58 PM Mr Bullz Eye: i love it
7:57:05 PM Me: if that makes sense
7:57:10 PM Mr Bullz Eye: it does
7:57:36 PM Mr Bullz Eye: are you just looking to "hook up"
7:57:42 PM Me: no
7:59:10 PM Mr Bullz Eye:well i am not looking for a one time deal i am looking for a several time deal
7:59:18 PM Me: me too!
7:59:20 PM Me: hah
7:59:34 PM Me: i dont know what i want
7:59:46 PM Me: i just want more then a FWB thing
7:59:57 PM Me: and more then a hookup
8:00:04 PM Mr Bullz Eye: sounds good
8:00:24 PM Me: have u met people online before?
8:00:27 PM Me: i used to
8:00:43 PM Mr Bullz Eye: your the 2nd
8:00:52 PM Me: havent in a while cause i got bored with it...but then i got bored and responded to ur ad
8:00:52 PM Me: ha
8:01:10 PM Mr Bullz Eye: cool-beans
8:01:23 PM Mr Bullz Eye: i dont know
8:01:35 PM Mr Bullz Eye: i am just bord here in waltham
8:01:43 PM Mr Bullz Eye: mass to be more narrow
8:02:07 PM Mr Bullz Eye: i have not met any people here and my sex life has been on ice.
8:02:19 PM Me: lol
8:02:20 PM Mr Bullz Eye: mass girls just bor me
8:02:31 PM Mr Bullz Eye: and i just dont "hook up to have sex
8:02:44 PM Me: thats a good thing
8:02:50 PM Me: not a bad thing
8:02:56 PM Mr Bullz Eye: well it is what it is
8:03:17 PM Me: ha...i hate hooking up to be honest...as for bored...i know the feeling
8:03:34 PM Me: i havent met anyone in a long time who is fun and can make me laugh
8:03:41 PM Mr Bullz Eye: but i dont want to jump into this huge relationship.. i dont mind having drinks or dinner but I just dont know what i am looking for.. what happens happens is good for me though
8:03:59 PM Me: i agree on the what happens happens
8:04:23 PM Me: thats why i like meeting quicker rather then emailing and iming
8:04:37 PM Me: cause u know after meeting if you want to hang out again or not
8:04:40 PM Mr Bullz Eye: totally.
8:05:10 PM Mr Bullz Eye: ya thats fine.
8:05:34 PM Me: lol
8:05:45 PM Mr Bullz Eye: how tall are you
8:06:00 PM Me: 5'3"
8:06:03 PM Me: u?
8:06:09 PM Mr Bullz Eye: 5/7
8:06:35 PM Mr Bullz Eye: weight?
8:07:00 PM Me: i dont know weight...i know clothes size, i dont go by weight, sorry
8:07:20 PM Mr Bullz Eye: lol, ok what size are you
8:07:37 PM Me: 14, I've been loosing weight so it varies
8:08:20 PM Mr Bullz Eye: cool
8:08:33 PM Mr Bullz Eye: thats a little to heavy for me
8:08:40 PM Me: ok
8:08:51 PM Mr Bullz Eye: im sorry but your cute though
Changed status to Offline (8:08:56 PM)
Ok...Soooo...me and my confidence get shit on...I am going to go to a movie and take a deep breath...and just think...F-him...but...
maybe he is right?
Or if he isnt who is?
So...I was feeling more confident in the way I look...so I decided to try dating again... also it doesnt help that I am bored... and just would like to find someone to make me laugh.
So I decided Crazy Blind Date was the way to go...then I get a text saying that this guy I was suppose to meet doesnt except text messages...which totally threw me. How was I suppose to know who the guy is...all I have on him is a name...and I wasnt about to walk up to any one standing alone and say, "Are you Ken?"
Anyway, I sat at the bar and had a beer...talked to my married very cute neighbor. I did see one guy walking around...he even looked at me and didnt say anything to me. Was he Ken? But...since neither of us had the balls to say "Are you...?" I decided though...if this guy was make my heart tremor hot...then maybe I could have something...but I just wasnt all into him...and maybe if he was Ken, he wasnt into me anymore then I was into him...other wise maybe he would have said "Are you Katie?"
So I got home, talked to a friend about hitting a movie, and went online...and decided in my hours before walking out the door, that maybe after all this time, I would check out my old stomping ground of CL> and responded to a guys ad...
"+++++ Sick of one sided conversations+++++++++++ - 32 (Waltham/Newton)
The topic says it all.. Sure I date but it always seems to be a one sided conversation. I am 32 single, handsome and looking for the right lady to engage in a REAL conversation and have a winning personality such as mine. IF you think you can fit is description send a pic to get mine and we will go from there."
We talked on email...him responding to my pic...and went on IM...which is faster then email.
7:40:04 PM Me: hi
7:40:15 PM Mr Bullz Eye: hey
7:40:23 PM Me: thought this might be easier
7:40:24 PM Me: ha
7:40:29 PM Mr Bullz Eye: lol
7:40:57 PM Me: so what do u do?
7:41:02 PM Mr Bullz Eye: finance
7:41:13 PM Mr Bullz Eye: you
7:41:19 PM Me: design
7:41:38 PM Mr Bullz Eye: < -- equity trader
7:41:46 PM Mr Bullz Eye: you have a degree
7:41:48 PM Mr Bullz Eye: ?
7:41:50 PM Me: two
7:41:51 PM Me: ha
7:41:55 PM Mr Bullz Eye: same 2
7:42:00 PM Mr Bullz Eye: where yo go
7:42:24 PM Me: school in albany ny and then grad in atlanta ga
7:42:43 PM Mr Bullz Eye: ya my sister goes to albany college of pharm
7:42:55 PM Me: oh yea that was close to where i went
7:42:55 PM Mr Bullz Eye: 4th year
7:43:03 PM Me: i went to the college of st rose
7:43:04 PM Mr Bullz Eye: i went to oswego
7:43:24 PM Mr Bullz Eye: st rose.. my 2 aunts got here master there in music they teach good school
7:43:34 PM Me: nice
7:43:38 PM Mr Bullz Eye: cool
7:43:40 PM Mr Bullz Eye: beans
7:43:41 PM Me: no one knows the school usually
7:43:42 PM Me: ha
7:43:54 PM Mr Bullz Eye: ya unless you know albany
7:44:00 PM Me: where did u grow up?
7:44:10 PM Mr Bullz Eye: 1 hour west of albany
7:44:15 PM Mr Bullz Eye: Gloversville
7:44:38 PM Mr Bullz Eye: then work and live in saratoga for 4 year
7:44:41 PM Mr Bullz Eye: (s)
7:44:44 PM Me: nice
7:44:50 PM Me: i like saratoga
7:44:55 PM Mr Bullz Eye: fun place
7:44:58 PM Me: i grew up in vermont
7:45:03 PM Mr Bullz Eye: i snow board
7:45:05 PM Mr Bullz Eye: killington
7:45:13 PM Me: i grew up near there
7:45:18 PM Mr Bullz Eye: cool
7:45:21 PM Me: near rutland
7:45:27 PM Mr Bullz Eye: cool
7:45:27 PM Me: closer to NY though
7:46:10 PM Me: so no parties tonight ...lol
7:46:17 PM Mr Bullz Eye: lol.. no you?
7:46:23 PM Mr Bullz Eye: how old are you?
7:46:27 PM Me: im off to the movies in a bit
7:46:29 PM Me: im 29
7:46:32 PM Mr Bullz Eye: k 31
7:46:40 PM Me: going to be 30 :( in a few weeks
7:46:42 PM Me: ha
7:46:48 PM Mr Bullz Eye: kool
7:46:50 PM Me: no offence to the 31 yr old
7:46:58 PM Mr Bullz Eye: easy killer
7:47:02 PM Me: haha
7:47:13 PM Me: i was just saying in response to my :(
7:47:22 PM Mr Bullz Eye: i know its all good
7:49:23 PM Me: u go out last night?
7:49:30 PM Mr Bullz Eye: i didnt
7:49:39 PM Mr Bullz Eye: but thursday i did
7:49:54 PM Mr Bullz Eye: hardcore :D
7:49:58 PM Me: lol
7:50:03 PM Me: still recovering?
7:50:13 PM Mr Bullz Eye: actually trying to-unrecover!
7:51:25 PM Mr Bullz Eye: ?
7:51:31 PM Me: ?
7:51:33 PM Me: lol
7:51:36 PM Mr Bullz Eye: lol
7:52:30 PM Me: so u live in waltham?
7:52:44 PM Mr Bullz Eye: yes
7:52:48 PM Mr Bullz Eye: you?
7:52:52 PM Me: newotn
7:52:55 PM Me: newton
7:53:01 PM Mr Bullz Eye: what ever they call hit
7:53:04 PM Mr Bullz Eye: lol
7:53:08 PM Me: :)
7:54:44 PM Me: so we should meet up sometime or something, i find meeting better then emailing and Iming
7:55:12 PM Mr Bullz Eye: what are you looking for
7:55:21 PM Me: i dont know
7:55:30 PM Me: no expectations
7:55:38 PM Me: what r u looking for?
7:55:48 PM Mr Bullz Eye: expectations
7:55:51 PM Mr Bullz Eye: lol
7:55:52 PM Mr Bullz Eye: no-expectations
7:56:02 PM Me: wait what
7:56:04 PM Me: lol
7:56:15 PM Mr Bullz Eye: im looking for whatever
7:56:18 PM Mr Bullz Eye: i guess
7:56:26 PM Me: at the moment i kind of want to have fun...sure I want to marriage and stuff...but you cant rush into it
7:56:40 PM Me: so i just want to have fun until its not anymore
7:56:58 PM Mr Bullz Eye: i love it
7:57:05 PM Me: if that makes sense
7:57:10 PM Mr Bullz Eye: it does
7:57:36 PM Mr Bullz Eye: are you just looking to "hook up"
7:57:42 PM Me: no
7:59:10 PM Mr Bullz Eye:well i am not looking for a one time deal i am looking for a several time deal
7:59:18 PM Me: me too!
7:59:20 PM Me: hah
7:59:34 PM Me: i dont know what i want
7:59:46 PM Me: i just want more then a FWB thing
7:59:57 PM Me: and more then a hookup
8:00:04 PM Mr Bullz Eye: sounds good
8:00:24 PM Me: have u met people online before?
8:00:27 PM Me: i used to
8:00:43 PM Mr Bullz Eye: your the 2nd
8:00:52 PM Me: havent in a while cause i got bored with it...but then i got bored and responded to ur ad
8:00:52 PM Me: ha
8:01:10 PM Mr Bullz Eye: cool-beans
8:01:23 PM Mr Bullz Eye: i dont know
8:01:35 PM Mr Bullz Eye: i am just bord here in waltham
8:01:43 PM Mr Bullz Eye: mass to be more narrow
8:02:07 PM Mr Bullz Eye: i have not met any people here and my sex life has been on ice.
8:02:19 PM Me: lol
8:02:20 PM Mr Bullz Eye: mass girls just bor me
8:02:31 PM Mr Bullz Eye: and i just dont "hook up to have sex
8:02:44 PM Me: thats a good thing
8:02:50 PM Me: not a bad thing
8:02:56 PM Mr Bullz Eye: well it is what it is
8:03:17 PM Me: ha...i hate hooking up to be honest...as for bored...i know the feeling
8:03:34 PM Me: i havent met anyone in a long time who is fun and can make me laugh
8:03:41 PM Mr Bullz Eye: but i dont want to jump into this huge relationship.. i dont mind having drinks or dinner but I just dont know what i am looking for.. what happens happens is good for me though
8:03:59 PM Me: i agree on the what happens happens
8:04:23 PM Me: thats why i like meeting quicker rather then emailing and iming
8:04:37 PM Me: cause u know after meeting if you want to hang out again or not
8:04:40 PM Mr Bullz Eye: totally.
8:05:10 PM Mr Bullz Eye: ya thats fine.
8:05:34 PM Me: lol
8:05:45 PM Mr Bullz Eye: how tall are you
8:06:00 PM Me: 5'3"
8:06:03 PM Me: u?
8:06:09 PM Mr Bullz Eye: 5/7
8:06:35 PM Mr Bullz Eye: weight?
8:07:00 PM Me: i dont know weight...i know clothes size, i dont go by weight, sorry
8:07:20 PM Mr Bullz Eye: lol, ok what size are you
8:07:37 PM Me: 14, I've been loosing weight so it varies
8:08:20 PM Mr Bullz Eye: cool
8:08:33 PM Mr Bullz Eye: thats a little to heavy for me
8:08:40 PM Me: ok
8:08:51 PM Mr Bullz Eye: im sorry but your cute though
Changed status to Offline (8:08:56 PM)
Ok...Soooo...me and my confidence get shit on...I am going to go to a movie and take a deep breath...and just think...F-him...but...
maybe he is right?
Or if he isnt who is?
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Be fearlessly single
Love Lessons from Sex and the City
In their six years on the air, the SATC chicks endured the good, the bad, and the totally bizarre when it came to dating. Cosmo studied some of their most memorable relationships to find out what we could learn from the fabulous foursome.
By Ashley Womble
Case study: Miranda and Steve
When Miranda met bartender Steve Brady, she was skeptical as usual. He was nice (and easy on the eyes) but clearly not relationship material. Not surprisingly, their divergent careers created problems: conflicting schedules, fights about money, and different outlooks on life. Miranda could have deleted his number from her BlackBerry, but ultimately, his laid-back personality and devotion won her over. The unlikely pair started a family and eventually tied the knot.
Lesson #1: Date against your type.
Case study: Carrie and Aidan
Hot furniture designer Aidan was everything Carrie thought she wanted in a man: emotionally available, honest, and ready to commit. Aidan wanted Carrie to meet his parents, have the keys to his apartment, and eventually be his wife. She attempted to change by quitting smoking (and nixing her addiction to Mr. Big), giving country life a shot, and wearing his engagement ring around her neck. But no matter how hard Carrie tried, she couldn't commit to any of it. While Aidan seemed perfect on paper, he wasn't the ideal guy for Carrie.
Lesson #2: Don't change for a man, no matter what.
Case study: Charlotte and Trey
An optimist with a very romantic view of love, Charlotte believed her dreams had come true when she was literally rescued by the single, wealthy, and handsome Dr. Trey MacDougal. Despite some major red flags — a lackluster marriage proposal, a meddling mother-in-law, and a sexless honeymoon — Charlotte was determined to make the relationship work. Although she gave it her all, their union still failed.
Lesson #3: Never ignore the warning signs that tell you a relationship isn't working.
Case study: Carrie and Berger
Witty writer Jack Berger had these famous last words for Carrie, written on a Post-it note: "I'm sorry, I can't. Don't hate me." After the abrupt end to their short, rocky relationship, Carrie vowed to spend the same amount of time getting over her breakup as Berger had spent ending it. If only it were that easy. Though Carrie managed to avoid him, she ended up melting down in front of his friends, which undoubtedly got back to him. She learned that it's better to face the music (or in her case, the Post-it note) and get it over with.
Lesson #4: As painful as breakups can be, you have to mourn before moving on.
Case study: Samantha and Smith
Samantha's dating philosophy: "I'm a trysexual. I'll try anything once." Her only rule was to never fall in love. She was so set in her man-eating ways that when she scouted and seduced a gorgeous waiter at a raw food restaurant, she didn't even ask his name. She encouraged the struggling young actor to play out his sexual fantasies and took him under her wing professionally, changing his name to Smith Jerrod and making him the Absolut Hunk. Somewhere between sex and stardom, Samantha fell in love and eventually confessed to Smith, "You've meant more to me than any man I have ever known."
Lesson #5: Dare to fall in love.
Case study: Carrie and Mr. Big
Sure, Carrie might have done some of the chasing, but in the end it was Mr. Big who showed up at her door the day she left New York City for Paris. Angry that his timing was always off, she screamed, "Forget you know my number! In fact, forget you know my name!" But he didn't give up. He called to tell her he loved her, and fortunately, Charlotte was there to answer his desperate call. The next day, he met the ladies for brunch and admitted, "You're the loves of her life, and a guy would be lucky to come in fourth." With their blessing, Mr. Big went to Paris to get "their" girl.
Lesson #6: Let him chase you.
Case study: Carrie
The eternal single girl had her share of romances, chronicled in her weekly column, but the truest love story is the one she wrote for herself. Bad luck and messy breakups were de rigueur in Carrie's life. By surviving the pitfalls — a Manolo-mugging, a computer crash, and a very embarrassing fashion fall — Carrie gained the confidence and strength to continue her search for true love. "The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself," she said. "And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."
Lesson #7: Be fearlessly single.
Thanks MSN: http://lifestyle.msn.com/beautyandfashion/cosmosexandthecity/articlecosmo.aspx?cp-documentid=7410497>1=32001
In their six years on the air, the SATC chicks endured the good, the bad, and the totally bizarre when it came to dating. Cosmo studied some of their most memorable relationships to find out what we could learn from the fabulous foursome.
By Ashley Womble
Case study: Miranda and Steve
When Miranda met bartender Steve Brady, she was skeptical as usual. He was nice (and easy on the eyes) but clearly not relationship material. Not surprisingly, their divergent careers created problems: conflicting schedules, fights about money, and different outlooks on life. Miranda could have deleted his number from her BlackBerry, but ultimately, his laid-back personality and devotion won her over. The unlikely pair started a family and eventually tied the knot.
Lesson #1: Date against your type.
Case study: Carrie and Aidan
Hot furniture designer Aidan was everything Carrie thought she wanted in a man: emotionally available, honest, and ready to commit. Aidan wanted Carrie to meet his parents, have the keys to his apartment, and eventually be his wife. She attempted to change by quitting smoking (and nixing her addiction to Mr. Big), giving country life a shot, and wearing his engagement ring around her neck. But no matter how hard Carrie tried, she couldn't commit to any of it. While Aidan seemed perfect on paper, he wasn't the ideal guy for Carrie.
Lesson #2: Don't change for a man, no matter what.
Case study: Charlotte and Trey
An optimist with a very romantic view of love, Charlotte believed her dreams had come true when she was literally rescued by the single, wealthy, and handsome Dr. Trey MacDougal. Despite some major red flags — a lackluster marriage proposal, a meddling mother-in-law, and a sexless honeymoon — Charlotte was determined to make the relationship work. Although she gave it her all, their union still failed.
Lesson #3: Never ignore the warning signs that tell you a relationship isn't working.
Case study: Carrie and Berger
Witty writer Jack Berger had these famous last words for Carrie, written on a Post-it note: "I'm sorry, I can't. Don't hate me." After the abrupt end to their short, rocky relationship, Carrie vowed to spend the same amount of time getting over her breakup as Berger had spent ending it. If only it were that easy. Though Carrie managed to avoid him, she ended up melting down in front of his friends, which undoubtedly got back to him. She learned that it's better to face the music (or in her case, the Post-it note) and get it over with.
Lesson #4: As painful as breakups can be, you have to mourn before moving on.
Case study: Samantha and Smith
Samantha's dating philosophy: "I'm a trysexual. I'll try anything once." Her only rule was to never fall in love. She was so set in her man-eating ways that when she scouted and seduced a gorgeous waiter at a raw food restaurant, she didn't even ask his name. She encouraged the struggling young actor to play out his sexual fantasies and took him under her wing professionally, changing his name to Smith Jerrod and making him the Absolut Hunk. Somewhere between sex and stardom, Samantha fell in love and eventually confessed to Smith, "You've meant more to me than any man I have ever known."
Lesson #5: Dare to fall in love.
Case study: Carrie and Mr. Big
Sure, Carrie might have done some of the chasing, but in the end it was Mr. Big who showed up at her door the day she left New York City for Paris. Angry that his timing was always off, she screamed, "Forget you know my number! In fact, forget you know my name!" But he didn't give up. He called to tell her he loved her, and fortunately, Charlotte was there to answer his desperate call. The next day, he met the ladies for brunch and admitted, "You're the loves of her life, and a guy would be lucky to come in fourth." With their blessing, Mr. Big went to Paris to get "their" girl.
Lesson #6: Let him chase you.
Case study: Carrie
The eternal single girl had her share of romances, chronicled in her weekly column, but the truest love story is the one she wrote for herself. Bad luck and messy breakups were de rigueur in Carrie's life. By surviving the pitfalls — a Manolo-mugging, a computer crash, and a very embarrassing fashion fall — Carrie gained the confidence and strength to continue her search for true love. "The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself," she said. "And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."
Lesson #7: Be fearlessly single.
Thanks MSN: http://lifestyle.msn.com/beautyandfashion/cosmosexandthecity/articlecosmo.aspx?cp-documentid=7410497>1=32001
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Nope!
SO I never did have that date...he canceled on me...saying he had to work...he IMed and texted...I said OK, maybe another night...responding to the cancel and the postpone. He responded with a def!
Then last night I texted saying hi...and he responded...saying he would call me that night...and then last night I got the text...whats up? I was like ummm..text isn't a CALL!!!
I didn't respond...today we talked on IM some...
I think this is to hard...I didn't want to waste time...I only want to do that AFTER we meet...not before...so...its kind of different then the true standards of a guy will contact u and not the other way around. With online dating...with no real face value, there are no rules...
Anyway...that's the latest...and I am off to see Sex in the City! Thursday night...the funny thing is...I never watched the show regularly. Sure I have seen a bunch by now...but I have never watched it from episode 1 through The Mr. big Comes Through After All! But I thought my title was perfect...since I was new to Boston...the city...
I am Sexless in the City! :)
Then last night I texted saying hi...and he responded...saying he would call me that night...and then last night I got the text...whats up? I was like ummm..text isn't a CALL!!!
I didn't respond...today we talked on IM some...
I think this is to hard...I didn't want to waste time...I only want to do that AFTER we meet...not before...so...its kind of different then the true standards of a guy will contact u and not the other way around. With online dating...with no real face value, there are no rules...
Anyway...that's the latest...and I am off to see Sex in the City! Thursday night...the funny thing is...I never watched the show regularly. Sure I have seen a bunch by now...but I have never watched it from episode 1 through The Mr. big Comes Through After All! But I thought my title was perfect...since I was new to Boston...the city...
I am Sexless in the City! :)
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
EVERYTHING
I think I have a date tomorrow night. Am I going to jinx this if I write to you...will I? This one I met online...and he seems to be nice...I talked to him on the phone a few times and we seem to get along so far. But then again I have been here before. I kind of don't care either way right now.
Sure, I would love to have someone I can come home to or smile at. I was really sad the other night...and all I wanted to do was watch a movie with someone. And I didn't have anyone to call...that sucks at times...at times I just want to be able to depend on someone besides my mom.
BESIDES these feelings that arrive from out of the blue...I am happy I think just being me. I think about having a guy around on a regular basis...and I think about the freedom I have right now. I like being able to come home and just veg...I like the drama free it is when I am not with someone. I like having ME time.
I think sometimes that someone was watching out for me the last few years. I think about when I first starting dating and how I was then...and how fragile I was. I think if I had gotten involved I would be in a miserable relationship. I think I would have let him walk over me...until I hated him and myself even more then I did then. Everything would be my fault...I would feel even more guilty then I do today...about EVERYTHING...
So I guess its true about having to LOVE yourself before u can love someone else. I feel like the more confident you are the better off you are. I heard someone say the other day that he loved his fiance very much...but if something happened between the two of them...he liked being single...not as much as being with her...but at the end of the day he would be OK and he wouldn't break down. I listened and thought...wow...why cant I have this gene...or maybe he got them all and I didn't. But I did think...yea that is true...that is true LOVE...
Sure, I would love to have someone I can come home to or smile at. I was really sad the other night...and all I wanted to do was watch a movie with someone. And I didn't have anyone to call...that sucks at times...at times I just want to be able to depend on someone besides my mom.
BESIDES these feelings that arrive from out of the blue...I am happy I think just being me. I think about having a guy around on a regular basis...and I think about the freedom I have right now. I like being able to come home and just veg...I like the drama free it is when I am not with someone. I like having ME time.
I think sometimes that someone was watching out for me the last few years. I think about when I first starting dating and how I was then...and how fragile I was. I think if I had gotten involved I would be in a miserable relationship. I think I would have let him walk over me...until I hated him and myself even more then I did then. Everything would be my fault...I would feel even more guilty then I do today...about EVERYTHING...
So I guess its true about having to LOVE yourself before u can love someone else. I feel like the more confident you are the better off you are. I heard someone say the other day that he loved his fiance very much...but if something happened between the two of them...he liked being single...not as much as being with her...but at the end of the day he would be OK and he wouldn't break down. I listened and thought...wow...why cant I have this gene...or maybe he got them all and I didn't. But I did think...yea that is true...that is true LOVE...
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Another one?
I sat on the train...shaking my leg...I was running late...the train had been late...so now here I am late...shit! He said something on the CBDate thing that he would like his date to be on time...or was that Wednesday date where I had to cancel...and here I am running late...but he texted back OK...so...thats OK right?
I text at 5 after the time I was suppose to be there.
"I am almost there...I have a tan coat on."
I got a text saying..."okay...OK"
I went in and looking around the small place...and don't see anyone...so I text,
"I am here...where are you?"
Nothing...
I stand outside for 7-8 minutes.
Nothing.
I go to the bar and sit down...there is this guy sitting there...a phone in his hand and a beer in front of him. He is playing with his phone, glances at me and nothing. Is this him? Hmmm...weird if it is...because I said a tan coat...and he is looking and playing with his phone...so if this is him...he had read my text...and knew I was me...because I had on a tan coat! I am just going to text again. I text saying "Are you here?"...
Nothing.
I leave. This is ridiculous!
I start to call my mom...I talk to her a bit and tell her this new story for my blog...and as I am talking...I get a beep indicating a text. "Mom, hold on a sec." I flip the phone over and check... its him!
"OK..."
Oh my god...what in the world?
So...I text,
"Hmmm, that's awesome!"
So in other words...nope no more kisses for me...since I never heard from Potter again...
I text at 5 after the time I was suppose to be there.
"I am almost there...I have a tan coat on."
I got a text saying..."okay...OK"
I went in and looking around the small place...and don't see anyone...so I text,
"I am here...where are you?"
Nothing...
I stand outside for 7-8 minutes.
Nothing.
I go to the bar and sit down...there is this guy sitting there...a phone in his hand and a beer in front of him. He is playing with his phone, glances at me and nothing. Is this him? Hmmm...weird if it is...because I said a tan coat...and he is looking and playing with his phone...so if this is him...he had read my text...and knew I was me...because I had on a tan coat! I am just going to text again. I text saying "Are you here?"...
Nothing.
I leave. This is ridiculous!
I start to call my mom...I talk to her a bit and tell her this new story for my blog...and as I am talking...I get a beep indicating a text. "Mom, hold on a sec." I flip the phone over and check... its him!
"OK..."
Oh my god...what in the world?
So...I text,
"Hmmm, that's awesome!"
So in other words...nope no more kisses for me...since I never heard from Potter again...
Monday, April 28, 2008
Got a kiss!
I had my date saturday night, he was nice...and yea he did resemble harry...but wasn't bad looking. He definitely was more cute then he was hot...but that was ok.
I had a hard time telling with him...we talked a lot...but had some awkward silences as well. Was he into me? I have nooo idea really... was it the beer... or was he into ME!....as he was on his 4th beer of the night, he started really leaning into me to talk and hear...since the place had gotten super crowded. We hung out and chatted for over four hours...him finally asking if I was ready to go. He rubbed my back as he walked out the door...and walked me to my car.
It was kind of late...and getting cold and rainy out...so I asked him if he would like a ride home...he said "no thats ok"...and I said, "Are you sure?" and then he said, "Sure, why not"
I drive him to his place and pull over...we smile and he leans in...I lean in...going for a hug and maybe a kiss on the cheek...and he goes right for the lips. The kiss was a little awkward at first...as usual first kisses are I am sure. He then says "come up." I said no, I can't...I think I will head on home...then I get a horn honking from behind... I pull away from his place... with him still in the passenger seat. I pulled onto a street to turn around and he leans over and kisses me again. I agreed at that point to go into his place...knowing it wasn't a great idea...but I kept saying...ok...I will go in...but don't expect to get lucky.
I stuck with my guns...and didn't let him win...I said no. We did kiss a lot...and he did beg for me to spend the night...even though I said no to the actual act...he said that was ok... that he liked me and wanted to see me in the morning. I smiled... and said, yea you can... but not here... you need to call me to see me.
Finally, after a bit...he said "when can I see you again?" I said, "I don't know you tell me" He then gets up and says, "what is your number?" I give it to him, get up and said my goodbyes. He kissed me again at the door and said I'll see you or I'll call you...something like that.
I went home...checked my email and responded to Crazy Blind Date with how the date went...and responding to "Mr Potter" that I had a lot of fun, thanks for tonight, and Call Me!
I know its only Monday, but I haven't heard from him...not even a response through Crazy Blind Date... not sure what to think...I will give it a few days...but I am kind of worried I will never hear from him. I did get my kiss...or kisses...so I can not complain...and I did have a great night...with him paying even...but I wonder what I did that I could have done differently...I do thank god that I didn't sleep with him, and then have him still not call...cause then I would feel even worse.
I am not even sure what I felt...was I even all that attracted to be honest...he kissed me so I went along with it. All I know is I did have fun...and would like to see him again...but...I guess its in his hands, not mine. I just need to tell myself that even though he doesn't call...if he doesn't call...that it isn't me...its him...and its his loss... I don't want him anyway...but I need to NOT feel rejected and instead feel relieved...right?
I had a hard time telling with him...we talked a lot...but had some awkward silences as well. Was he into me? I have nooo idea really... was it the beer... or was he into ME!....as he was on his 4th beer of the night, he started really leaning into me to talk and hear...since the place had gotten super crowded. We hung out and chatted for over four hours...him finally asking if I was ready to go. He rubbed my back as he walked out the door...and walked me to my car.
It was kind of late...and getting cold and rainy out...so I asked him if he would like a ride home...he said "no thats ok"...and I said, "Are you sure?" and then he said, "Sure, why not"
I drive him to his place and pull over...we smile and he leans in...I lean in...going for a hug and maybe a kiss on the cheek...and he goes right for the lips. The kiss was a little awkward at first...as usual first kisses are I am sure. He then says "come up." I said no, I can't...I think I will head on home...then I get a horn honking from behind... I pull away from his place... with him still in the passenger seat. I pulled onto a street to turn around and he leans over and kisses me again. I agreed at that point to go into his place...knowing it wasn't a great idea...but I kept saying...ok...I will go in...but don't expect to get lucky.
I stuck with my guns...and didn't let him win...I said no. We did kiss a lot...and he did beg for me to spend the night...even though I said no to the actual act...he said that was ok... that he liked me and wanted to see me in the morning. I smiled... and said, yea you can... but not here... you need to call me to see me.
Finally, after a bit...he said "when can I see you again?" I said, "I don't know you tell me" He then gets up and says, "what is your number?" I give it to him, get up and said my goodbyes. He kissed me again at the door and said I'll see you or I'll call you...something like that.
I went home...checked my email and responded to Crazy Blind Date with how the date went...and responding to "Mr Potter" that I had a lot of fun, thanks for tonight, and Call Me!
I know its only Monday, but I haven't heard from him...not even a response through Crazy Blind Date... not sure what to think...I will give it a few days...but I am kind of worried I will never hear from him. I did get my kiss...or kisses...so I can not complain...and I did have a great night...with him paying even...but I wonder what I did that I could have done differently...I do thank god that I didn't sleep with him, and then have him still not call...cause then I would feel even worse.
I am not even sure what I felt...was I even all that attracted to be honest...he kissed me so I went along with it. All I know is I did have fun...and would like to see him again...but...I guess its in his hands, not mine. I just need to tell myself that even though he doesn't call...if he doesn't call...that it isn't me...its him...and its his loss... I don't want him anyway...but I need to NOT feel rejected and instead feel relieved...right?
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Just one kiss!
I have decided to go on another crazy blind date...maybe it was just bad luck...and bad luck does come in threes. I am just going try again. I didn't sign up for one after another...but I do have one on Saturday night...with Michael who is 31...says he looks like Harry Potter....oooh...good or bad?
Anyway...I have been doing therapy these days...and she says it is good for me to get out there...just agreed with me to just have fun. I cant go back to the online dating...not like before...because its the little things with online dating that gets weird. For example I was talking to some guy not long ago and even made plans for a Saturday night...I was honest in the beginning that I am not super thin...which he said was fine...until he sees another pic of me at the end...and then 11 days later he responds saying "I think I will take a pass" uhhh OK? A pass? Your loss not mine!
Just online dating is a waste of my time and energy...while this blind date is only a few hours...I can blow it off more this way. The thing..the key is...not to set dates one right after the other...cause then yea I do get burned out. So....I am going to stay out in the game...just slower then I was 2 years ago...its easier today then 2 years ago to blow it off...
I just want to find someone I can kiss...haha...bad I know...but I have such a hard time even kissing on a first date...I want to find another Anchorman that can make my tummy flutter and makes me smile at just his name being mentioned...BUT....someone who treats me with a little bit more respect...Just want to meet someone who I can make it the second maybe even a third date....someone who makes the first move...just once...then we will see what i will wish for!
Anyway...I have been doing therapy these days...and she says it is good for me to get out there...just agreed with me to just have fun. I cant go back to the online dating...not like before...because its the little things with online dating that gets weird. For example I was talking to some guy not long ago and even made plans for a Saturday night...I was honest in the beginning that I am not super thin...which he said was fine...until he sees another pic of me at the end...and then 11 days later he responds saying "I think I will take a pass" uhhh OK? A pass? Your loss not mine!
Just online dating is a waste of my time and energy...while this blind date is only a few hours...I can blow it off more this way. The thing..the key is...not to set dates one right after the other...cause then yea I do get burned out. So....I am going to stay out in the game...just slower then I was 2 years ago...its easier today then 2 years ago to blow it off...
I just want to find someone I can kiss...haha...bad I know...but I have such a hard time even kissing on a first date...I want to find another Anchorman that can make my tummy flutter and makes me smile at just his name being mentioned...BUT....someone who treats me with a little bit more respect...Just want to meet someone who I can make it the second maybe even a third date....someone who makes the first move...just once...then we will see what i will wish for!
Friday, April 18, 2008
Mix N Mingle touchbase!
The Mix N Mingle went well, didn't have much to say about it...I did see Mr Artsy, he looked really different...we looked at each other and it took a good few secs to realize who it was...which was the same amount of time it took him to come to the same conclusion cause he turned around before I could even smile. He then made sure he was never in eye sight again.
I did see one cutie that I was going to talk to but before I did he was in an intense all night convo with a petite blond. I did get hit on by one guy...he was foreign and very nice...he just never came out and asked for my number, but did give me his business card of where he is a cook...saying to come in...hmmm we shall see. He ran after me actually after I said my goodbyes. I was at the door and hear footsteps...someone...him...saying wait...katie...it was so nice to meet you...and then he gives me a hug...I smiled...and same it was nice to meet you too. I didn't know what to do or say...so I said goodbye...who knows.
I did see one cutie that I was going to talk to but before I did he was in an intense all night convo with a petite blond. I did get hit on by one guy...he was foreign and very nice...he just never came out and asked for my number, but did give me his business card of where he is a cook...saying to come in...hmmm we shall see. He ran after me actually after I said my goodbyes. I was at the door and hear footsteps...someone...him...saying wait...katie...it was so nice to meet you...and then he gives me a hug...I smiled...and same it was nice to meet you too. I didn't know what to do or say...so I said goodbye...who knows.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Mix N Mingle!
I am off to a singles event to night...a part of me....a huge part of me almost bailed on it. The weather helped me convinced to go out on the town. I feel like I have enjoyed being alone on weekends... a lot of times I say no to this or that...or maybe I haven't looked for anything to do...I just wanted time to rest...sleep...and maybe some reading or TV time.
I am not sure why I have been more of a hermit...is it the weather? Me being exhausted from working to many hours count? Am I sad? Am I just starting to realize I can enjoy time for me...without looking like a looser cause I am home ALONE on a Friday or Saturday night.
Tonight for this event: "Yes we're doing a Mix N Mingle formerly known as Grab A Date. Non meet up people are always welcome and encouraged only for this event they should be single as well (see above definition of single)! Guys are highly encouraged to join us!" It sounds like around 150 people are going to show...one who I have already dated...Mr Artsy will be there...wonder if he still lives at home?
I have been kind of scared of this...running into someone I have dated...what do I say...how do I react? Its not like him and I had anything emotional or physical like Anchorman or MrBeBe...but we did kiss...and I just am not sure how to react.
The Salesman and I are done...which kind of just stopped by petering out...I called one night and he texted back "Sup" I wrote, "Not much" I was trying to figure out a way to say lets just end this...but he never called or texted again...and neither did I. I guess...we felt the same way...what was the point of continuing something that just wasn't working.
Well, I am off to get ready for tonight...should be interesting!
I am not sure why I have been more of a hermit...is it the weather? Me being exhausted from working to many hours count? Am I sad? Am I just starting to realize I can enjoy time for me...without looking like a looser cause I am home ALONE on a Friday or Saturday night.
Tonight for this event: "Yes we're doing a Mix N Mingle formerly known as Grab A Date. Non meet up people are always welcome and encouraged only for this event they should be single as well (see above definition of single)! Guys are highly encouraged to join us!" It sounds like around 150 people are going to show...one who I have already dated...Mr Artsy will be there...wonder if he still lives at home?
I have been kind of scared of this...running into someone I have dated...what do I say...how do I react? Its not like him and I had anything emotional or physical like Anchorman or MrBeBe...but we did kiss...and I just am not sure how to react.
The Salesman and I are done...which kind of just stopped by petering out...I called one night and he texted back "Sup" I wrote, "Not much" I was trying to figure out a way to say lets just end this...but he never called or texted again...and neither did I. I guess...we felt the same way...what was the point of continuing something that just wasn't working.
Well, I am off to get ready for tonight...should be interesting!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Come in 3's?
OK bad thing MUST come in three's right? I have only up to go...so lets hope so. It started last week, when I decided I was bored...and hadn't been on a Crazy Blind Date in a few months...so I signed up for a few. Last Thursday, one was set up with a 40 year old who said he "was a real cowboy" which cracked up the guys at work...and then canceled...saying in the email that he had to work late. Me responding with:
Hi there,You had a date with me tonight and I thought it was funny...because I too am working and was starting to get stressed I wouldn't be done in time for 8! so your email took weight off my shoulders. What do you do?
Then nothing...never heard from him again...OK was he married?
Last night was date number two...I was running late so I send him a text message...telling him exactly that...and nothing...I arrive at a LOUD dark bar, and have NO idea who he is and if he is even there since I hadn't heard from him...after 29 minutes of waiting...I finally get a text saying "oh man, I forgot...I went home sick from work today, wasn't feeling well."
Then tonight...I had another one. He texted me 2 minutes after Crazy Blind Dates gives the OK to text, texting "Cupid" uhhh what does that mean?? We finally meet, and he seems super nervous...stuttering some and repeating things over and over. I gave him a break though...as I said he just seemed nervous...but at times, I wondered if he was all there...and then he tells me that he works with special education kids...which makes me think...now it makes sense...
We sat down...and I tried to have a full conversation...which was a little all over the place with repeats here and there...For example I would ask, "Where are you from?" and he would say, "Where are you from?""Where are you from?""Where are you from?""Where are you from?" I kept thinking...is it nerves or just who he is...the loud voice all of sudden that made me look around to make sure people weren't staring...but I kept my smile in place. We are close to the end and he asks for the check...he seems to be in a hurry all of a sudden, throws down a 10 and says here is half...which really wasn't since the bill came to 21+tip...meaning 10 didn't even cover his part...since his beer was more expensive then mine. But whatever...as I am putting my credit card in my wallet...he gets up and puts on his coat and says, nice meeting you and walks out the door!
I watched him leave...shit...what was that all about...I have never ever had that experience...and I have had worse dates as well...
I walk out myself and almost run into him...and turn fast, pretending I didn't see him...since I didn't want another awkward moment. I walk out and see him looking confused at the stop walk...and then he starts to cross and bolts into a run...and I stood there watching him run all the way in the lights of the street ahead.
I think this had to be one of the weirdest dates yet...one more story for the blog I guess.
Hi there,You had a date with me tonight and I thought it was funny...because I too am working and was starting to get stressed I wouldn't be done in time for 8! so your email took weight off my shoulders. What do you do?
Then nothing...never heard from him again...OK was he married?
Last night was date number two...I was running late so I send him a text message...telling him exactly that...and nothing...I arrive at a LOUD dark bar, and have NO idea who he is and if he is even there since I hadn't heard from him...after 29 minutes of waiting...I finally get a text saying "oh man, I forgot...I went home sick from work today, wasn't feeling well."
Then tonight...I had another one. He texted me 2 minutes after Crazy Blind Dates gives the OK to text, texting "Cupid" uhhh what does that mean?? We finally meet, and he seems super nervous...stuttering some and repeating things over and over. I gave him a break though...as I said he just seemed nervous...but at times, I wondered if he was all there...and then he tells me that he works with special education kids...which makes me think...now it makes sense...
We sat down...and I tried to have a full conversation...which was a little all over the place with repeats here and there...For example I would ask, "Where are you from?" and he would say, "Where are you from?""Where are you from?""Where are you from?""Where are you from?" I kept thinking...is it nerves or just who he is...the loud voice all of sudden that made me look around to make sure people weren't staring...but I kept my smile in place. We are close to the end and he asks for the check...he seems to be in a hurry all of a sudden, throws down a 10 and says here is half...which really wasn't since the bill came to 21+tip...meaning 10 didn't even cover his part...since his beer was more expensive then mine. But whatever...as I am putting my credit card in my wallet...he gets up and puts on his coat and says, nice meeting you and walks out the door!
I watched him leave...shit...what was that all about...I have never ever had that experience...and I have had worse dates as well...
I walk out myself and almost run into him...and turn fast, pretending I didn't see him...since I didn't want another awkward moment. I walk out and see him looking confused at the stop walk...and then he starts to cross and bolts into a run...and I stood there watching him run all the way in the lights of the street ahead.
I think this had to be one of the weirdest dates yet...one more story for the blog I guess.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Sonnet
http://www.okcupid.com/personality?type=D
The Sonnet
Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLD)
The Sonnet
Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed?
Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance.
Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so.
You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls.GLD&g=0&o=1
The Sonnet
Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLD)
The Sonnet
Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed?
Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance.
Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so.
You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls.GLD&g=0&o=1
Monday, March 3, 2008
Home by 10:30
I went out with Mr Red on Saturday night. I wasn't expecting this to be a date as much as just getting some drinks with a friend. I told him to text or call and let me know the plans...
He said around 8 and he would text...and then 8 rolls around Saturday night and nothing...then at about a quarter past I get an email and a text saying he was running late...he will be there at 8:30.
I was kind of annoyed...but gave him the benefit of the doubt thinking maybe he thought when i said call or text he meant as he was leaving...as since I didn't have plans...since he technically was my plans...I went along for the ride...or walk...since it was just down the street.
I got there...and it was the same as the last time I met him...kind of awkward...I actually kind of wondered what I was doing there...since he kind of seemed like he would have rather been anywhere but there. He proceeds to text for the next few minutes as I am looking at the dinner menu. He finally puts the phone away. I think that someone who uses there phone during dinner is one of the rudest things...unless there is a reason...but he didn't tell me either way.
We finally ordered wine...and as the wine loosened the tongue we started talking about the economy and politics...religion and anything else that we could think of. The conversation flowed well enough...but we still had those uncomfortable silences. After dinner...we walked out...him asking me what his options were in response to whats next.
I said...the bar down the street...driving somewheres else...or my place to watch TV or something...he says nope I don't like TV...and Ill be honest I didn't want him over anyway...but wanted to be nice and ask...so he then says well I have an early day tomorrow...so Ill be seeing you.
SO...as you can see...that might be the last time I see him...maybe we will run into each other somewhere at some point...but it was just an uncomfortable night all the way around.
He said around 8 and he would text...and then 8 rolls around Saturday night and nothing...then at about a quarter past I get an email and a text saying he was running late...he will be there at 8:30.
I was kind of annoyed...but gave him the benefit of the doubt thinking maybe he thought when i said call or text he meant as he was leaving...as since I didn't have plans...since he technically was my plans...I went along for the ride...or walk...since it was just down the street.
I got there...and it was the same as the last time I met him...kind of awkward...I actually kind of wondered what I was doing there...since he kind of seemed like he would have rather been anywhere but there. He proceeds to text for the next few minutes as I am looking at the dinner menu. He finally puts the phone away. I think that someone who uses there phone during dinner is one of the rudest things...unless there is a reason...but he didn't tell me either way.
We finally ordered wine...and as the wine loosened the tongue we started talking about the economy and politics...religion and anything else that we could think of. The conversation flowed well enough...but we still had those uncomfortable silences. After dinner...we walked out...him asking me what his options were in response to whats next.
I said...the bar down the street...driving somewheres else...or my place to watch TV or something...he says nope I don't like TV...and Ill be honest I didn't want him over anyway...but wanted to be nice and ask...so he then says well I have an early day tomorrow...so Ill be seeing you.
SO...as you can see...that might be the last time I see him...maybe we will run into each other somewhere at some point...but it was just an uncomfortable night all the way around.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Mr Salesman at the Oscars
It has been a few since my last post. I am just not sure what to write...I have been talking The Salesman, we kind of stopped talking some around the holidays but he did contact me again...and we have been talking since.
We finally met a few weeks ago...went for Indian on a cold gray Sunday afternoon. It was nice...he was exactly what I expected. I'm torn about him...he is nice and sweet...but seems unhappy allot. Is it just bad luck on his part? or is he just this way? It is hard to tell at this time...that only thing about all of this...and why I bring it up...is that I feel like since I am apt to be negative...its hard not to be when he is...does that make sense?
He came over to my house Sunday night...to watch the Oscars. Its funny because I did the same thing last year...some guy came over and we watched the 06 Oscars. That was Mr Artsy...wow things have changed since then...but then again have they really? I feel like I am stronger then I was last year at this time....and Anchorman is finally someone in my past...even though it took waaay longer then it should have.
Mr Salesman came over...just the two of us and my roomate on the third floor. I feel really comfortable with him. SO of course I ask the questions...
Is it because I got to know him over the last few months?
Is it because we are friends and nothing else?
Is he playing me and trying to sell me something? so of course i will be comfortable!
I made lasagna and he brought two bottles of wine. We talked...he did finally hold my hand...but he didnt kiss me. I kind wanted to, it has been awhile...ha...but it is what it is...and we just huged goodnight. Maybe next time? Or maybe we wont be anything more then friends...I guess I wont know until I see him again.
Thats all that has been going on in the last few weeks. I decided to stop dating dating for a bit...therefore..dont date to lose weight. I have been focusing on losing weight. My brother is getting married in late June. And I have to wear a sleeveless dress...so I have been going to the gym...doing weights...and eating weight watchers points...very religiously too...I have been strict...and trying to be better.
I feel better though...I feel like my anxiety hasnt been as bad...is that because>
I am rested?
I am not eating as much sugar and caffeine...therefore my heart rate is more regular?
Is it because I am learning to deal with things better?
Is it because I am not really dating...and that's one less stress?
Anyway...that's me and my life for the last few weeks...
We finally met a few weeks ago...went for Indian on a cold gray Sunday afternoon. It was nice...he was exactly what I expected. I'm torn about him...he is nice and sweet...but seems unhappy allot. Is it just bad luck on his part? or is he just this way? It is hard to tell at this time...that only thing about all of this...and why I bring it up...is that I feel like since I am apt to be negative...its hard not to be when he is...does that make sense?
He came over to my house Sunday night...to watch the Oscars. Its funny because I did the same thing last year...some guy came over and we watched the 06 Oscars. That was Mr Artsy...wow things have changed since then...but then again have they really? I feel like I am stronger then I was last year at this time....and Anchorman is finally someone in my past...even though it took waaay longer then it should have.
Mr Salesman came over...just the two of us and my roomate on the third floor. I feel really comfortable with him. SO of course I ask the questions...
Is it because I got to know him over the last few months?
Is it because we are friends and nothing else?
Is he playing me and trying to sell me something? so of course i will be comfortable!
I made lasagna and he brought two bottles of wine. We talked...he did finally hold my hand...but he didnt kiss me. I kind wanted to, it has been awhile...ha...but it is what it is...and we just huged goodnight. Maybe next time? Or maybe we wont be anything more then friends...I guess I wont know until I see him again.
Thats all that has been going on in the last few weeks. I decided to stop dating dating for a bit...therefore..dont date to lose weight. I have been focusing on losing weight. My brother is getting married in late June. And I have to wear a sleeveless dress...so I have been going to the gym...doing weights...and eating weight watchers points...very religiously too...I have been strict...and trying to be better.
I feel better though...I feel like my anxiety hasnt been as bad...is that because>
I am rested?
I am not eating as much sugar and caffeine...therefore my heart rate is more regular?
Is it because I am learning to deal with things better?
Is it because I am not really dating...and that's one less stress?
Anyway...that's me and my life for the last few weeks...
Monday, January 28, 2008
Finally
So I was telling a friend this morning that maybe I wasn't as into Mr Tea as much as I thought I was. I mean I thought he was super cute...and sure we had a lot in common...but I never felt super comfortable with him. Don't get me wrong...if I have the chance to see him again...I def want to take it...because maybe I could laugh with him...maybe I was to nervous or maybe he was and he just seemed way to serious. But, I know a lot of this came from no response to Wednesday's email...
This was all before having my fist sip of caffeine and before checking gmail. And look who I had an email from? But of course!! Mr Tea...talking about how he was to tired from Friday night to do a pub crawl Saturday...which I had invited him to.
Yes, he is cute...and nice. BUT, def not nice enough to send an email sometime last week about Saturday? Since I decided to go to Vermont and wasn't around if he had decided he was going to go after all. He just isn't that into me. I do believe some of that book...He just isn't that into you!
Its true though...if he wanted me...he would have emailed or called. So I think him and I will hopefully be friends...I hope so anyway. I would love to find someone to go to see a show with...someone I could connect with on different levels...but...whatcha gonna do? I am not going to beg...and plead to call me or contact me...if you don't, well then that's your loss.
I am trying to believe that what will be will be...I guess I will let fate be in charge from now on...hmmmm...will I really? Well for tonight I will :)
This was all before having my fist sip of caffeine and before checking gmail. And look who I had an email from? But of course!! Mr Tea...talking about how he was to tired from Friday night to do a pub crawl Saturday...which I had invited him to.
Yes, he is cute...and nice. BUT, def not nice enough to send an email sometime last week about Saturday? Since I decided to go to Vermont and wasn't around if he had decided he was going to go after all. He just isn't that into me. I do believe some of that book...He just isn't that into you!
Its true though...if he wanted me...he would have emailed or called. So I think him and I will hopefully be friends...I hope so anyway. I would love to find someone to go to see a show with...someone I could connect with on different levels...but...whatcha gonna do? I am not going to beg...and plead to call me or contact me...if you don't, well then that's your loss.
I am trying to believe that what will be will be...I guess I will let fate be in charge from now on...hmmmm...will I really? Well for tonight I will :)
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Is that your final answer?
I went to trivia tonight with Mr tea...and 4 other friends. I am not sure what to think...it wasn't easy to talk...and I hope he wasn't bored. All my insecurities came out tonight... and one major one is not being seen as smart. I didn't know many of the trivia questions...and now I wonder how dumb do I look?
I am not sure what was what I guess...it was so loud and busy that we didn't get to talk much... and I just wasn't sure what to talk about in front of everyone. Its funny, I got super shy...and I felt like I just wasn't being me...
I mean we did sit next to each other, and he def leaned in a few times...and I leaned to of course! He did feel comfortable to finish my pizza... and he did have a beer...so he does drink, which was something I wondered. But, it just didn't flow as well as the first date...or first meeting. I did invite him along to a pub crawl this weekend with friends...and he didn't say no or yes...said to let him know.
I just in a way wish I had spent more alone time with him, cause I wasn't sure what to talk about with him. And now I am afraid that we are in friend zone...and maybe be nothing more. And me...I worry. I just am not sure what to think and am not sure what to do. I mean he might think I just want to be friends since we did this...and wouldn't ask me out again...or maybe he would? I am just not sure...and do I ask him? DO I tell him that it was hard to talk...maybe he could teach me backgammon or do dinner next time?
As we said our goodbyes, I wasn't sure what to do...so once again I just said goodbye and smiled...and walked away. I didn't hug like I probably should have...its just that its so awkward...and I'm such not a touchy feel person, not until I'm close to them that is.
So, I am not sure whats what and that is my final answer!
I am not sure what was what I guess...it was so loud and busy that we didn't get to talk much... and I just wasn't sure what to talk about in front of everyone. Its funny, I got super shy...and I felt like I just wasn't being me...
I mean we did sit next to each other, and he def leaned in a few times...and I leaned to of course! He did feel comfortable to finish my pizza... and he did have a beer...so he does drink, which was something I wondered. But, it just didn't flow as well as the first date...or first meeting. I did invite him along to a pub crawl this weekend with friends...and he didn't say no or yes...said to let him know.
I just in a way wish I had spent more alone time with him, cause I wasn't sure what to talk about with him. And now I am afraid that we are in friend zone...and maybe be nothing more. And me...I worry. I just am not sure what to think and am not sure what to do. I mean he might think I just want to be friends since we did this...and wouldn't ask me out again...or maybe he would? I am just not sure...and do I ask him? DO I tell him that it was hard to talk...maybe he could teach me backgammon or do dinner next time?
As we said our goodbyes, I wasn't sure what to do...so once again I just said goodbye and smiled...and walked away. I didn't hug like I probably should have...its just that its so awkward...and I'm such not a touchy feel person, not until I'm close to them that is.
So, I am not sure whats what and that is my final answer!
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