I thought I would let everyone know that my step mom did pass away...she passed tonight/this morning? at about 1:30 AM...
I am ok ...getting by...same as my dad. I am really glad I was here tonight to be with him ...otherwise the 20 minute ride to Hospice and back would have been a lot worse for him. I am just happy to see her finally at peace and not in anymore pain. Now will be the time to grieve I am sure. BUT, I wanted to give you an update.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Saturday, October 6, 2007
Update
I am in Atlanta....visiting my dad and being here for support. Support for my dad...even though I know he will need it as much after as this...but I am here now...not then.
My step mom is in Hospice...dying. We are watching and actually hoping time is up and god will take her. I am sad that she is sitting there waiting to die. I wonder what is going through her mind...is she thinking about the life she had...regrets or just the good things...I wonder as I watch her hands go in the air...is she saying "wait I am not ready yet" or is she thinking of something of her past that made her throw up her hands...maybe she is thinking of something funny and idiotic that she did then that she wouldn't do today.
She hasn't had food in 12 days...water in 11...and I am not sure how long before the 12 days that she had had her last good meal. So you can imagine what she looks like lying there with no hair...and no water or food in her body. I look at her and wonder why did she worry all those years about another snickers bar...or one more slice of pizza. I remember her crying because her son had said she was getting fat living the Vermont life. BUT, looking at her like this...who the F caress...if she knew then what she knows now would she have cared?
I need to diet to be healthy yes..and so did she...but not to the point of not enjoying life. Same goes for other things in life...I don't want to get to her point...and god it could be in 4 month...since it has only been 4 with her...but I don't want to be at that point and be lying there with regrets of what i should have done. I need to live for me and no one else. I need to make sure I love me more then anyone else...because it is my life...
My step mom is in Hospice...dying. We are watching and actually hoping time is up and god will take her. I am sad that she is sitting there waiting to die. I wonder what is going through her mind...is she thinking about the life she had...regrets or just the good things...I wonder as I watch her hands go in the air...is she saying "wait I am not ready yet" or is she thinking of something of her past that made her throw up her hands...maybe she is thinking of something funny and idiotic that she did then that she wouldn't do today.
She hasn't had food in 12 days...water in 11...and I am not sure how long before the 12 days that she had had her last good meal. So you can imagine what she looks like lying there with no hair...and no water or food in her body. I look at her and wonder why did she worry all those years about another snickers bar...or one more slice of pizza. I remember her crying because her son had said she was getting fat living the Vermont life. BUT, looking at her like this...who the F caress...if she knew then what she knows now would she have cared?
I need to diet to be healthy yes..and so did she...but not to the point of not enjoying life. Same goes for other things in life...I don't want to get to her point...and god it could be in 4 month...since it has only been 4 with her...but I don't want to be at that point and be lying there with regrets of what i should have done. I need to live for me and no one else. I need to make sure I love me more then anyone else...because it is my life...
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