Update

I am sorry I am going to stop the "comments" section on here for now. I honestly just need my friends around me right now to give me feedback that isn't negative. I do appreciate the comments... and most do help me... but at the same time some of them can be taken as negative when you tell someone they are a miserable person or even as simply as someone being negative. I have been working on being more positive and am trying to get my life where I am happy being me. I need positivity to be positive in my life right now. Sorry for anyone this may upset.

Snap out of it!

I am not sure what this week meant overall... I took it to mean calm down... slow down... take a deep breath and realize what's important. I know I have been a little over whelmed... what with a freelance job most nights... and the holidays here in full swing... I am just not sure how I lost my phone and wallet like that. It sucks and I am trying to stay positive and not let it pull me down... but damn it... everytime I use the my new phone I get sad... and want my old one... I got lost today TWICE... because for the last 6 months I have used the GPS to help me... now I'm back to writing it the old fashion way. As I said... I am trying not to call my self every name in the book and just move up and on... I can't do anything about it now... just move on and try to NEVER do it again... and to learn to calm down enough to remember...

I am slightly taken aback by the Friday night guy... since tonight he never said it wasn't him... just "Don't you remember me... we did fool around." and I said... "Yep... and I swear it was you." He just did the "LOL" Maybe I am wrong... but I feel like it was him... and he is denying it... is it me that he is embarrassed of or is he embarrassed that he was the one who didn't know me... or was it not him at all?

Friday with no date...

BUT... I went out on a pub crawl instead... it was super fun!... well... it was until I saw someone I knew super briefly... after a drunken date... as he walked in he looked right at me... no one but me... we had that brief "oh shit" moment... and he then walked in... I wasn't sure who he was just that he looked familiar... and yea kind of hot... and then as the night wore on and we kept glancing at each other... I kind of remembered the drunken night... more alcohol was consumed then should be allowed... he never did see a home run... just saw second... I am embarrassed and didn't know what to write so I never mentioned him when it all went down. We met online... so he will still IM me from time... wanting to hang out... not date... sex! SO I said no... date first...

As the night progressed to him coming up to me multiple times asking if I knew Matt something or other... I laughed and said nope... to the point where after following me to the bathroom and staring at me the whole time he rubbed up against me to go by... we ended the night by him coming up to me and asking me if I was positive I didn't know Matt... nope... no idea who Matt was... but I didn't want to say that Remember me the girl who was soooo forgettable!

So I said nothing... until I saw him online tonight... confronting him... he said he was not at cherry tree and then said you were? I said yep... and you lie... he then disappeared... nothing...

Yup... That wasn't my whole night out... two many beers and hits... and I found myself at IHOP... I don't think I mentioned I lost my wallet earlier this week along with a freelance 100 dollar bill... well I am figuring it dropped out of the coat... so I didn't get to over whelmed... just canceled and kept on going... and then last night happens... and here I am sitting at IHOP... half asleep mind you... and proceed to somehow leave my baby... my IPhone... yup... gone... so... to end a decent night with some drama added in... and me spending a night watching the sun come up... it was a night to remember!

I'll call you!

What a day... I woke up this morning smiling and feeling thinner by the day... yea did I tell you? I have been looooooosssssiiiinnnnngggggg weight.... jup.... 45 pounds... only have to loose 55 more pounds... hmmm maybe I will looooose 75 more... or maybe 100 will loose to me... hmmm did I say loose or lose? Anyway... off on a tangent... they're how did that feel huh... oh wait? was there spelled correctly? Hmmm maybe!

Today started out good... but it was one thing after another of things going wrong. Honestly the morning went fine... even though what I had planned didn't really pan out...

I had a meeting with a new job that I got... which ran later then I anticipated causing me to be late going to meet up with friends. After running there, no one was there... I wasn't sure if I was at the wrong place or maybe the wrong time... but I left...

I had plans for that night with a guy who had responded to my ad with CONSTANT texts all yesterday and today with 2 phone calls added on. He convinced me to meet him tonight... although there were a few hints to maybe he wanted just sex... but maybe I was reading to into it so I gave him the benefit of the doubt...

We met at the bar near my place... he came in... saw me and pretty much ran the other way! OK... well not exactly that way... but pretty near close! We sat there... awkwardly... he was pretty hot... a lot hotter then the pic... but he was kind of dumb... at first I thought he was shy... nervous? He kept giving this nervous laugh... but I realized when he kept glancing at the TV then his watch, that maybe he wasn't nervous... more that he was uncomfortable... until he answered his phone... and then I realized he was trying to find an easy way out! I felt like saying wow... am I really really that bad? huh... so he then proceeds to tell me that he needs to run... his ex called and said that his son had fallen and was going to the hospital... sorry... "you have to work right? so it works in both our favors!" I gave a half laugh... "sure..." I should have said whatever you need to do to take yourself off the guilty book..." but whatever! He then says..." Well Ill call you sometime!" ha... isn't that the same thing the last guy said to me? noooo... he said maybe I will run into you some time..."

He then proceeds... to throw down enough money for his beer... and ran out... the beer had been more then the 3 bucks he had gave me... so I had to cover the rest. Its weird... cause isn't this the second guy who I had made run away from me... what the hell is it?

response!

Hi, I'm considered a nice looking,well built guy who has always treated women special by giving them the most relaxing,stress relieving foot pampering experience of thier lives.This is just something that comes naturally to me.Do you think you would enjoy having your sore,tired feet lovingly worshipped after a long,hard day?I'm not looking for sex either just a little innocent foot fun to start with.Let me know what you think?I promise if you give me a chance you'll be so glad you did.

What do I say?

I am not sure what to write about... I haven't gone on any more dates... and I went out twice this week, which was a nice switch to my last few months. It wasn't so bad... I feel like the last few months I have been anti-social... I just haven't been up to going out... is it my job or my social life?

I also realized something by going... not just that I am realizing maybe I am boy crazy again... but that I can go out and not spend any money. I could go and get nothing like last night... and I was starving too! But I resisted... I'm sooo poor!! And it’s the weight watchers... I don't want to JUST loose 45 pounds... I want to say I lost 100 pounds! So when it became two reasons not to drink... I decided I felt weird going out and not drinking... but I realized it’s not so bad... and I kill two birds with one stone!

I haven't been dating much... I will be honest and say the last time the guy once again had me convinced he could have been into me… I didn’t think it was a definite NO. He wasn’t a look anywhere but AT ME guy... BUT obviously something happened... but what? Something I said? Did? Looked? RIPPED PANTS? I noticed later on that I had a slight rip... ha... how embarrassing!!

So instead of dating I have been yoga-ing and trying to stay healthy and loose my final 55 pounds! But I have to say, after going out the last two nights and then that night a few weeks ago... Yea, have gone a little boy crazy. It’s interesting how when you finally do open up your eyes how many guys could be a maybe. I'm not saying yes for sure... but I wonder... that's all :)

I did do another ad on CL. dumb but damn fun! Ha... I love the responses... interesting if nothing else... I might start going to more meetup events (now that I know I don’t have to spend much money)... meet more people... who knows what will happen! I have a hard time though... and need to work on it. I am fine with dates because you know that's what it is! You meet online... chat... email... text...call... then meet! You know this person by now... and when you out and about... what do you talk about? Seriously? On an online date you ask the normal stuff... where are you from? Family? Friends? But when you are not sure if he is even someone who is single or not… interested or not… friend or not… so you cant just be like... "Hi, Joe... so how many brothers and sisters do you have?" or how about? " Hey Sam... what do you do for fun?" It just sounds so lame... so help me... what do I say?