How is everyone? I know I haven't been on in awhile. What do I talk about? What do i say- and then worry about it being read at a later date. I have decided to just go with the flow and watch what I say… or write rather!
I do worry about what I say as much as this… I worry about going out with work people and saying something I shouldn't. I worry about how I say something and people think it means something else entirely… I just worry. I have been working on the worrying thing… but then it is just on to something else. I have read books by "Dr David Burns" which helps… but sometimes my brain just keeps going…. and going.
Last few weeks I started to panic about Mr Jam and I. We have been going out now for 9 months… and are planning a road trip to Wisconsin next week… meeting the fam! I kind of panicked… what if I don't want this? What if he gets irritated about things and I don't want to deal? Isn't that anyone though? That's what I think about… about how no matter who it is with… I will have to get used to their moods. At least these moods are quiet and not yelling and screaming. Its funny how much he reminds me of my mom… its weird… aren't you suppose to fall for someone like your dad? BUT he is more like my mom in a lot of ways. He gives these looks.., that could be seen as angry- or annoyed… but in reality it is more confusing and a look of thinking. I am used to my mom by now… so I know I will get used to Mr Jam's looks… just taking me time to adjust. Adjust to being more uptight about things then I am… and I thought I was uptight about things! is that OK? Is that what every relationship goes through? Two living people who have to get used to each other… and we are thank GOD doing it slow rather then moving into together. We are doing it here and there rather then all the time…
I panicked though cause I am driving to meet the family… and when we arrive after 18 hours of driving… we will have a new puppy to go along with my lady. Lady (my dog) is coming along with as well… soooo… Mr Jam and I discussed him getting a dog while we were there… he is excited. SO yea, our drive home after a week in his home town… will be with TWO dogs… and one still a puppy. What have I gotten myself into? ALSO… once home… I get two dogs… yup. TWO for the following 3.5 weeks. Mr Jam is moving… moving MUCH closer to me then where he is now… BUT that isn't until August and he is not allowed to have dogs in his current apartment… so she will be with lady and I for awhile. I panicked you see… cause I have commitments and wow… what if I am not ready… what if this isn't right? I had to tell myself to take one day at a time and stop worrying about the negative… the bad… the day that may never come.
I am excited about the road trip… nervous… but I think it will be fun. If we can make it through this… then I am thinking we might be OK for awhile longer… Hopefully I will have the time for some updates along the way… good… bad… and interesting…which it will be if nothing else-- TWO DOGS!!
