I saw Mr. F Friday night; we had reservations to a nice restaurant… and went to the pub first to have a beer. It was nice all the way around… I will be honest and say I did get butterflies… by seeing him? or maybe more about the idea of him or? was it for him? That is a problem now isn’t it?
After a few hours at this beautiful place, both paying Dutch… “I would pay for you, but since you offered and it did come to 75 bucks, I’ll let you pay yours tonight…” I cant say I was upset, it WAS expensive… and I do believe if the bill had been half the price… he would have paid the whole enchilada…
After dinner it was pouring rain… and it sucked cause he thought maybe we could walk to Harvard… walk around… site-see and whatnot! BUT, we were both tired from our long weeks and decided to go back to my place and watch a movie…
I think I like him… I definitely smile at the thought of him… and am starting to want to see him more then just the normal once a week… but… it doesn’t seem to work out that way. I did text last Wednesday on a whim to see if he “wanted to grab a burrito after work…” he said “he wasn’t sure when he would be out” and then texted again later that night telling me “he was going to be there (work) awhile…” L … then this morning…. I texted asking him if he “wanted to do something fun” Him texting… “Can’t, super busy today…”
I think I am going to say the same thing as last week… I need to relax about it! I know I say I want something slow…but it’s hard when you like someone and want to see that person. So I technically know that slow means once a week…
Sooo… me being me… I wonder… where are we going! Maybe he really and truely wants to go slow… hence why we see each other only once a week or so… or … does that mean he is just going along with the flow… and likes me well enough to see me once a week… but lets face it… I am not that into her to let her be my official girlfriend! I know I am over thinking this… and I am going to stop and say… maybe he does want to see me… but is really and truly busy…
Next weekend I invited him to a friend’s birthday party… I am nervous… for him to meet my friends… for my friends to meet him… for the interactions all the way around! But, the time has come… it will be 6 weeks on Friday… And then I wonder… what do I call him? My boyfriend? Obviously we have been talking about things to do in the future… maybe not long term… but upcoming week plans… enough where we know things aren’t ending just yet! And we have in one way or another said we weren’t with anyone else… so what does that mean? Dating and friends still? Boyfriend? Lover…. hah? Hmmm…. My gut says friend… but… I don’t want him to think that’s all I think we are… ha-haa… me and my overactive mind!
Another thing came to light over dinner on Friday… he said he doesn’t want to have kids. Now… I am honestly not sure how I feel… I know as I said before… I am trying to NOT think about the future here… and just go in the moment… but doesn’t that kind of thing come into affect. Its not like I am 21 and I have all the time in the world to experiment and date someone for 5-10 years before I decide it really isn’t working, and I move on to someone new for marriage and kids. I have thought about having kids… and I always thought it would be in my future. In the last year or so… it has come into my mind about wanting kids or not. I have my friend’s kids’… niece and nephews and cousins…. Is it so bad if I am just the best aunt in the world! Rather then the best mom? I see my cousin and his wife… and how happy they are with their dogs and one cat. I see how fulfilled they are living day-to-day lives, without having to worry about daycare and soccer practices. They are both turning 40 and have decided that maybe they don’t want kids… and are ok with that. Am I ok to be the same way? I think at times I might be… but then I get the slight twinge when someone calls with the good news… I wonder what it feels like to have the flutter of a kicking foot in your tummy. I wonder what its like to see your baby for the first time. I do! I want it in some ways… but then other times I don’t… so I do wonder how he feels about it all! Is he maybe thinking “the same ways”… and if we did get involved long term… would he at least talk about it and consider it… or what if he is so against it… that we do get involved and I miss out on something amazing and beautiful… or maybe we do get involved and we are happy being the best Aunt and Uncle Fridays as possible! Spoiling them and then sending them on their way when the fussing begins.
Anyway… I know I shouldn’t be at this stage yet… but its there and something to consider in the long run… no matter what… if they are at the front of my thoughts or in my subconscious… what do I want really? When it all comes down to it! What do I want?
2 comments:
I don't think it's a bad thing that you are considering these things now. It points to a good reason for dating multiple people, which would allow you to see different perspectives. (And let Mr. Friday know that he can't lay back if he's really interested.)
On the topic of children, I myself am a 30-something who has pondered whether or not to have kids. At this point I'm still looking for good reasons to have them.
Your thoughts about kids are legitimate, but not just yet. Before finding someone I really loved, I was not sure if I wanted kids either. In fact, I thought that I probably didn't. But after falling in love everything changed and I wanted to have kids.
The kids thing is something to think about in a few months because who knows, either of you might change your mind.
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