The end of Surf Boy...and more...

I did a lot of thinking this weekend, and decided I want more out of my relationships. I think I needed Anchorman for what and who he is. He was good for a little, cute, fling…but not sure how much longer we will last. It was a first since November 4th that we didn’t see each other at some point during the weekend. I wonder why? Did he freak like I thought last Monday night? Or was it just because we were too busy and maybe we needed a breather? Or maybe…it’s just coming to an end. How do I feel about that? I honestly don’t know, I’m not sure I care…but will I if we officially say no more?

I told you about Surf Boy, well he fell off the face of the earth after Thursday night. Not sure what happened…god only knows? He’s probably married with 5 kids, who emails while at work for fun and kicks to his balls. Anyway…yea he was over before we even met…like so many others I’ve met along the way.

I started talking to this one guy who said I was “just another insecure fat chick on the internet.” I was a little taken aback, since I was very honest with him, but as he said, “I was lying through my teeth, I said I was petite, only skinny girls are considered petite.”

Then another guy, said “well we can keep talking” meaning he never wants to meet me face to face, but talking is ok.

I was on the verge of tears after an emotional day…maybe I am PMSing? Lets hope I am PMSing…Well in other words, I was an emotional wreck…and I lied down on my bed to take a breather before dinner with a friend. And guess who comes online? Mr. Hero himself. It sucks…cause he without fail comes online whenever I’m down or needing someone. After we stopped talking the first time, I was super upset about Anchorman and hadn’t heard from The Hero in about a month, and as tear are welling in my eyes, The Hero pops in saying hi. This time the same thing. I haven’t heard from him in over a week…and the time when I’m holding myself back from crying…he says “hi”

The tears start rolling…I think I cried for 20 min straight, not a pretty sight by any means…I am just happy he couldn’t hear me or see me.

I cried for The Hero and what could have been had we met at a different time... before this “new girl he is f-ing seeing.” I cried for what isn’t going to happen with Anchorman. I cried for the first hope I’ve had for someone new in months. I cried for the stupid guy that made me feel like shit for more hours then he deserved. I cried for being alone…so very alone. Or maybe I cried because I had some hormonal emotions whirling and swirling around waiting to be brought to the surface.

I get pissed that I cried…I think I’ve cried more in the last 6 months then I have in my whole life…I DON’T know why I let them get to me time and time again.