I want to have fun and live in today and now

What is it about guys that meet me and think that i want a serious relationship? I mean is it because Im nice and sweet-hahah yea right. But seriously though. I don't know why guys think I need to be in a relationship. why cant I meet a guy who I like and actually want to be with without being in a serious relationship. I don't want that. I don't want what my friends have--the fighting, the mistrust, the emotions the swirl around with each breath. I just want to kiss and cuddle and then go home, they can stay over if they want once in awhile- but only once in a blue moon. Its like when you are an aunt, I can see my nieces and nephews and have fun with them, but they go home at the end of the day. This is what I want in a guy, I want to have fun, laugh, whatever comes our way, but then go our way until the next time. I have lived my life being something for someone, and Im tired of it. I was the perfect daughter, never drank until college, didn't smoke pot until a year ago. I was always doing things the right way, follow the rules, don't do anything wrong. I hate loosing control--so if I do everything right when I'm suppose to--how can I loose control? I am so scared to have an orgasm with a guy because what happens when he sees me loose control, what if I sound funnier or look different from past girls he's been with. Im tired of following the rules. I think I started dating in the beginning of all this to loose some of the inhibitions I had set up. I want to let loose and just have fun. I don't want to obsess and worry about tomorrow, cause I just don't care. I want to have fun and live in today and now.