The Hero

It was so nice to talk to The Hero--first time in awhile. I cant decide why that is. Is that because somehow in some way we connected by talking everyday for months on end...or is because Im lonely, he's lonely, and he said he had feelings for me. I don't know, but in the end, I smile and get teary eyed at his first hi in weeks...

Once again, is that dumb?? I don't know, and I don't know what I feel to be honest, cause I obviously care and am sick to my stomach at the idea of someone kissing him, kissing lips I have never even seen in person. How is that possible? How is that possible to have feelings for a computer screen who talks to me?? I have no idea...but its what I feel..and not sure what else I can say.

The Hero and I have been talking for months and have never met. Not sure why, maybe cause he didn't want to enough, then maybe I didn't. We had this connection over the keyboards, that how do you meet someone face to face and have them live up to the potential that is in your mind and heart? I was scared to meet --and so was he.

Maybe god didn't was us to meet, maybe it wasn't the right time or the right place...but what does that mean really? I mean he was not ok this summer, and I was just learning about myself for the first time...like I said maybe we just were not ready, and maybe when he's back--safe and sound-- we will be...but i don't know, what do I say? What do we do? How do I know? I guess there's nothing to say but keep on trucking and being honest...only time will tell.