Being 16 at 28

I feel like I am 16... how is that possible that I have such little experience in the opposite sex. I lived my life for something, anything I could control. I could control my career--so I picked the best school for me, and just had friends. Doesn't mean I haven't felt love or that emotion, but I never shared my emotions with anyone, even my closest friends. See I could control it--no one could hurt me this way. So when I started dating this time, I wanted to loose my control. I want to loose this person who over analyses everything. I want to take my hair down and let loose, who the fuck cares... let alone me. So for the last 6 months, I have been living my teenage years to the fullest. Most people at the age of 16 and 17 experience what Im experiencing for the first time at the age of 28.

So I have to tell myself everyday to let myself NOT to over think and over analyze. So today Im back on the train of NOT over thinking. I am going to just let go. So with this guy Im seeing...I like him... but not enough to want to see him every morning when I roll over on my pillow. BUT, I do want reassurance once in awhile that he's thinking about me. But what is that really? What is he thinking? What if I just want him for his body? What does that mean? Is that ok? Its hard for me to separate what I want verses what I feel. Like when you are 17 and for the first time feel love, is it really love? Or is it lust?? Cause all we want is each other and making each other happy, but do we want more?? I have no idea what this emotion is, and how do you know when it is growing into something more? I am so afraid of loosing what control I have, that its hard for me to just let go--because what happens then? I get hurt...thats what could happen--but its not definitely going to happen... but could... right?

So see, Im 28--but really 16 and deciphering what it is that I feel, because one is definitely not the other.

Confused yet? Yea--so am I...