Out of sight, out of mind . . . that’s the truth.
I know with Anchorman . . . we see each other on the weekends . . . that’s been the routine so far, until last Thursday night . . . when he came over and we hung out and drank too many beers . . . ending in him leaving in the morning. Then we hung out again Saturday too, so that disrupted the plans . . . the routine. And today . . . we even talked online . . . disrupted what I know and expect. So now what? Cause right now, he is not out of site like usual...and not out of my mind.
I know even with other guys in my life right now, like The Hero, I'm confused . . . I like Anchorman because he makes me feel good. And then I like The Hero because there is something about him that makes me keep holding on. I am not sure what I am holding onto though, I don’t want to hold onto something that isn’t mine to keep to begin with. I just don’t know. We were supposed to meet this week, The Hero and I, but once again he blew me off. And you know, in a lot of ways I understand, if he is in a war zone and comes home to his daughter and friends, why the hell would he want to meet me of all people in his little time he has here? But then why does my heart break off just a little more when he doesn’t even say hi when I IM or email. I took him off my AOL today, and took him off my top ten too, what can I do when I don’t hear from someone . . . I'm not going to do it anymore. If he wants to get in touch, it’s up to him I guess.
Out of site out of mind right?
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Christmas is Love
Christmas is about love. Love of good friends and family. Love of two people in love. Love for your parents and your children.
I felt love this Christmas. I felt it and saw it when I looked at my mom and dad, even saw it in there eyes when they looked at each other while passing something across the table, love that is more of the past then of the future.
My brother and his fiance are cute. They make me want to find love like theres, find someone who can truly be my best friend and not someone I hate to love. I see them and want that. I want someone whom I can look at from across the room and with one look know what they are thinking. I want to have little touches when I think no one is looking.
I realized that this weekend, I want love. Maybe not today or tomorrow or even next month, but I deserve to find it . . . someday. I know with Anchorman. We are just having fun. I do sometimes want more . . . but what is more really . . . , is it because I’ve been more intimate with him then most? So, it’s more then that then him. See that what confuses me with him. I am not sure what I feel. I just know that I like him and enjoy spending time with him. But long term? He's allergic to animals . . . that’s a bust right there.
Its frustrating though, to come home and talk about my life with my family. Because in talking about life, you end up mentioning tidbits of this and that, including little anchorman things. Which brings in the questions and "who’s he, and what do you mean? And come on now." Its frustrating, cause there is no future right now with him, there is the just here and now. I'm fine with that and so is he . . . but what about when I watch a movie and see someone that says something he says? Or what about when I see someone walking like he does. What then?
Anyways, I want to find love . . . and not think I'm in love, just because I want the idea of love, or that I'm in love with love.
I felt love this Christmas. I felt it and saw it when I looked at my mom and dad, even saw it in there eyes when they looked at each other while passing something across the table, love that is more of the past then of the future.
My brother and his fiance are cute. They make me want to find love like theres, find someone who can truly be my best friend and not someone I hate to love. I see them and want that. I want someone whom I can look at from across the room and with one look know what they are thinking. I want to have little touches when I think no one is looking.
I realized that this weekend, I want love. Maybe not today or tomorrow or even next month, but I deserve to find it . . . someday. I know with Anchorman. We are just having fun. I do sometimes want more . . . but what is more really . . . , is it because I’ve been more intimate with him then most? So, it’s more then that then him. See that what confuses me with him. I am not sure what I feel. I just know that I like him and enjoy spending time with him. But long term? He's allergic to animals . . . that’s a bust right there.
Its frustrating though, to come home and talk about my life with my family. Because in talking about life, you end up mentioning tidbits of this and that, including little anchorman things. Which brings in the questions and "who’s he, and what do you mean? And come on now." Its frustrating, cause there is no future right now with him, there is the just here and now. I'm fine with that and so is he . . . but what about when I watch a movie and see someone that says something he says? Or what about when I see someone walking like he does. What then?
Anyways, I want to find love . . . and not think I'm in love, just because I want the idea of love, or that I'm in love with love.
Friday, December 22, 2006
Is he The General?
I never really admitted how The General and I met. One day, I was bored at work... not a good sign I know. But, sometimes I post these little ads on CL saying I’m bored, lets chat. What harm is there in chatting a little? Its not like I HAVE to meet someone I talk to, the majority end up being deleted after a few days…some become real friends…even if we never meet…its nice to have someone hear my problems… and give advice to something they know nothing about.
One day, I posted this “Bored” ad and got tons of responses, as per usual. It’s all in weeding which ones are appropriate to IM with while during a workday. Well I started talking to this one guy, not sure what was said here and there, but finally there was the usual request for a photo to be exchanged. So, after some persuasion, I send along mine and get one back in return. He was normal enough…if not a little collegy for me. BUT, then he proceeds to tell me that “he’s trying to decide.” “Decide what?” I ask. “If you are attractive or not.” Ok wow that makes me a little upset. I said, “You know what, why don’t we end this now, since I don’t need insults to make my day even worse.” “What do you mean? I’m not insulting you; I’m just stating a fact. And your teeth, they do look a little small.” “Ok, enough, I don’t need this, goodbye.” “WAIT!!! Hold on, I’d fuck you, I just wouldn’t date you. Your fuckable though.” And then I say, “Ok, nope not interested, goodbye.” The exchange goes on a little longer with him throwing insults because I turned him down, and blah blah blah.
About 15 min later, after blocking him off my IM, I get this random IM from The General. This was my first contact with him, never had talked to him before. He says that some guy emailed him my pic and that he thought I was really really cute, that maybe we should talk. It was weird and I was really taken aback by the whole exchange, I mean who would emails my pic to someone else? I don’t know I was sketched out by it and was a little cold to The General in the beginning, due to this reason… which I know is understandable. And you know the rest of the story about The General up to this point. He just persisted, until I gave in and decided to meet up.
Well, the other day, after talking to The General and doing something on the computer for him that he kept bugging me to do, I decided that my relationship with him really was nothing…it was farce, and I didn’t need it in my life, it wasn’t doing anything for me. So I ended it, never telling him, like I tried doing the last time, I just pushed block on his name. No more contact, cause I can always delete his emails.
So yesterday, I get this I’m from some name that looked familiar, but wasn’t sure who it was, saying, “Why did you block me?” and my response was: “Who did I block?” and then nothing…
The General always pulled this shit, so I automatically assumed it was him signing on under a different name. Known to happen, right? So, finally after 15 min with no response I did a search in my emails and past ichat conversations, looking for this name. AND, it was the guy that originally wrote to me way back when The General and I started talking the first time, the “small teeth” guy. So, I was like huh, what the hell?
Then my imagination started running through all my talks with The General and how he started talking to me in the first place. Was he this guy to begin with? Who sent a picture of his friend in the beginning so he could look like a good guy who likes bigger women? He told me one time about how he was joking around with some guy online, pretending to be a 14 year old girl. Then how interested he was in my conversation with the original guy, he couldn’t stop laughing when I told him about the conversation.
I really am starting to believe that the two are one and the same…The General.
One day, I posted this “Bored” ad and got tons of responses, as per usual. It’s all in weeding which ones are appropriate to IM with while during a workday. Well I started talking to this one guy, not sure what was said here and there, but finally there was the usual request for a photo to be exchanged. So, after some persuasion, I send along mine and get one back in return. He was normal enough…if not a little collegy for me. BUT, then he proceeds to tell me that “he’s trying to decide.” “Decide what?” I ask. “If you are attractive or not.” Ok wow that makes me a little upset. I said, “You know what, why don’t we end this now, since I don’t need insults to make my day even worse.” “What do you mean? I’m not insulting you; I’m just stating a fact. And your teeth, they do look a little small.” “Ok, enough, I don’t need this, goodbye.” “WAIT!!! Hold on, I’d fuck you, I just wouldn’t date you. Your fuckable though.” And then I say, “Ok, nope not interested, goodbye.” The exchange goes on a little longer with him throwing insults because I turned him down, and blah blah blah.
About 15 min later, after blocking him off my IM, I get this random IM from The General. This was my first contact with him, never had talked to him before. He says that some guy emailed him my pic and that he thought I was really really cute, that maybe we should talk. It was weird and I was really taken aback by the whole exchange, I mean who would emails my pic to someone else? I don’t know I was sketched out by it and was a little cold to The General in the beginning, due to this reason… which I know is understandable. And you know the rest of the story about The General up to this point. He just persisted, until I gave in and decided to meet up.
Well, the other day, after talking to The General and doing something on the computer for him that he kept bugging me to do, I decided that my relationship with him really was nothing…it was farce, and I didn’t need it in my life, it wasn’t doing anything for me. So I ended it, never telling him, like I tried doing the last time, I just pushed block on his name. No more contact, cause I can always delete his emails.
So yesterday, I get this I’m from some name that looked familiar, but wasn’t sure who it was, saying, “Why did you block me?” and my response was: “Who did I block?” and then nothing…
The General always pulled this shit, so I automatically assumed it was him signing on under a different name. Known to happen, right? So, finally after 15 min with no response I did a search in my emails and past ichat conversations, looking for this name. AND, it was the guy that originally wrote to me way back when The General and I started talking the first time, the “small teeth” guy. So, I was like huh, what the hell?
Then my imagination started running through all my talks with The General and how he started talking to me in the first place. Was he this guy to begin with? Who sent a picture of his friend in the beginning so he could look like a good guy who likes bigger women? He told me one time about how he was joking around with some guy online, pretending to be a 14 year old girl. Then how interested he was in my conversation with the original guy, he couldn’t stop laughing when I told him about the conversation.
I really am starting to believe that the two are one and the same…The General.
Monday, December 18, 2006
To busy to think
So this weekend I decided if I didn’t hear from Anchorman, I was moving on. Which obviously I was working on doing anyway... with meeting the CrotchRocket on Friday night, and me working over 60 hours in 6 days doing two jobs.
On Saturday night, I decided to join Yahoo Personals for the second time, something to distract me. I started talking to this one guy on IM--super hot---looked similar to Luke Wilson...with blonder hair. HOTTIE... until the first question after the initial introduction was "How big are your boobs?" Or is this deja vu from the night before with The CrotchRocket, because what the hell is going on here...A part of me was tempted...I cant lie about that, I mean he was HOT...but what about after... I would feel like shit and feel like I was used...even though I would have used him just as much I know...So we ended the IMs with, "well we are looking for different things." See there goes my newest theory about CL, that CL=SEX, because this was Yahoo Personals and this guy had an ad which didn’t even talk about sex in the slightest, I mean he works with kids for god sakes...
I am glad I worked so much and had plans with friends in the free time I did have, cause it stopped me from being home, on IM like a loser waiting for either The Hero or Anchorman...just one of them to let me know all is ok. It had been a week from me hearing from The Hero also, so my week was going downhill fast. So the busier I was, the better off I dealt with overthinking about dumb boys.
Sunday night arrived faster then a blink of an eye, and look at that I had an email from.... can u guess which one?
Anchorman had actually emailed...finally...hmm I wonder if he waited around for me this weekend... but I never showed did I... besides the few hours the night before. SO the email reads as follows: "In order for this to work you CAN'T try and make me feel bad when I want to leave. I've even stayed over twice!! But I don't like it when you try and get me to stay." Wow, I had no idea I was doing this, and this is the reason for a no show on Sunday. So, I send an email back explaining myself and said, come and talk to me online when you get a sec. SO no longer then I push send...he appears before my eyes with a little "Hi"
We talked for a little while, me talking about why I found that annoying, and what happened with him... "I freaked, I’m sorry..." that was it. After I stated the fact that he needs to be more open and honest with me... not a week after the fact and being stood up in the process. So we talked it out...and yes he decided to come over to hang out... we worked it all out... and hopefully am moving towards talking about our feelings rather then avoiding the issue all together--which is something I believe he is used to.
I came to work, feeling more confident about life. I hate that about myself though...I hate that a guy can make me feel good or bad... and then I see The Hero...woohoo he’s ok, we are ok. I hate how that too can make or break my day. A guy talking to me over the net, but for some reason when I talk to him I feel better about life...cause he is ok... so I am too.
The Hero and I are supposed to meet when he comes home for leave during the Holidays. I am so hoping this is the case, cause I think him and I could have something real, and its more then a sexual attraction... with him... its something more... but until we meet there is no telling what this emotion is that swirls inside of me when I think of him...
On Saturday night, I decided to join Yahoo Personals for the second time, something to distract me. I started talking to this one guy on IM--super hot---looked similar to Luke Wilson...with blonder hair. HOTTIE... until the first question after the initial introduction was "How big are your boobs?" Or is this deja vu from the night before with The CrotchRocket, because what the hell is going on here...A part of me was tempted...I cant lie about that, I mean he was HOT...but what about after... I would feel like shit and feel like I was used...even though I would have used him just as much I know...So we ended the IMs with, "well we are looking for different things." See there goes my newest theory about CL, that CL=SEX, because this was Yahoo Personals and this guy had an ad which didn’t even talk about sex in the slightest, I mean he works with kids for god sakes...
I am glad I worked so much and had plans with friends in the free time I did have, cause it stopped me from being home, on IM like a loser waiting for either The Hero or Anchorman...just one of them to let me know all is ok. It had been a week from me hearing from The Hero also, so my week was going downhill fast. So the busier I was, the better off I dealt with overthinking about dumb boys.
Sunday night arrived faster then a blink of an eye, and look at that I had an email from.... can u guess which one?
Anchorman had actually emailed...finally...hmm I wonder if he waited around for me this weekend... but I never showed did I... besides the few hours the night before. SO the email reads as follows: "In order for this to work you CAN'T try and make me feel bad when I want to leave. I've even stayed over twice!! But I don't like it when you try and get me to stay." Wow, I had no idea I was doing this, and this is the reason for a no show on Sunday. So, I send an email back explaining myself and said, come and talk to me online when you get a sec. SO no longer then I push send...he appears before my eyes with a little "Hi"
We talked for a little while, me talking about why I found that annoying, and what happened with him... "I freaked, I’m sorry..." that was it. After I stated the fact that he needs to be more open and honest with me... not a week after the fact and being stood up in the process. So we talked it out...and yes he decided to come over to hang out... we worked it all out... and hopefully am moving towards talking about our feelings rather then avoiding the issue all together--which is something I believe he is used to.
I came to work, feeling more confident about life. I hate that about myself though...I hate that a guy can make me feel good or bad... and then I see The Hero...woohoo he’s ok, we are ok. I hate how that too can make or break my day. A guy talking to me over the net, but for some reason when I talk to him I feel better about life...cause he is ok... so I am too.
The Hero and I are supposed to meet when he comes home for leave during the Holidays. I am so hoping this is the case, cause I think him and I could have something real, and its more then a sexual attraction... with him... its something more... but until we meet there is no telling what this emotion is that swirls inside of me when I think of him...
The CrotchRocket
I met The CrotchRocket on Friday night. What does that mean I have no idea... We started talking on IM a few days before, and he really wanted to meet me. I was intrigued and wanting to forget my boys of the past, so I said ok... lets meet after I get out of my retail job.
We meet at the bar around the corner from my apartment... he was nice...didn't drink but did have an O'douls, while I had a Blue Moon. I should have known right off though... that something wasn’t quiet right when we walked in the bar he says... do you want a drink?... cause we could just go for a drive? Hmmm yea, not a good sign... Nope I want a drink... I had just gotten out of a 14 hour day... hell yea I needed a F-N beer.
So we drink and talk... then he asks about 420, which is an ok conversation... but then says "have you ever had sex while you were high?" ok wow, that came out of left and right field. I don’t think in all my dates I have ever had a guy ask me such a personal question 30 minutes after meeting. I was a little taken aback... and we kept on talking... me covering up my shyness in this area.
I’m about a drink away from the end of my beer and he says, "Do you want to go outside, while I smoke." Hmm ok, I can remember asking this the other day during on of our IM sessions, if he smoked--"sometime" he said. Doesn’t look like sometimes to me. We walk outside and he starts walking to his car...a bad move I know to be riding alone in a car with some strange guy. I’m a horrible person, I just know it. But what can I do, but follow him into the car. Want to go for a ride... "We'll just talk."
So we drive a few miles, and we talk then he pulls over to a side street. Yup, I’m 16 again and the guy I’m with wants to go parking...I just knew it. So, we sit there...in front of someone’s home mind you. And then comes the "Can I touch your boob?" Ok so what the hell, I mean I don’t mind...but why? I mean just kiss me and then touch it, don’t ask me. How weird is that. He never even kissed me the whole night...
We drive back to my car soon after this odd exchange, and he proceeds to tell me he only wants sex. He doesn’t want a relationship...he wants sex. SO, I tell him, that’s fine and dandy, but me...I need more. I might not be looking for serious, but I don’t want to be a wham bam thank you mam girl. I deserve better then that and I tell him so. "We should be friends I think" is how the night ended.
We meet at the bar around the corner from my apartment... he was nice...didn't drink but did have an O'douls, while I had a Blue Moon. I should have known right off though... that something wasn’t quiet right when we walked in the bar he says... do you want a drink?... cause we could just go for a drive? Hmmm yea, not a good sign... Nope I want a drink... I had just gotten out of a 14 hour day... hell yea I needed a F-N beer.
So we drink and talk... then he asks about 420, which is an ok conversation... but then says "have you ever had sex while you were high?" ok wow, that came out of left and right field. I don’t think in all my dates I have ever had a guy ask me such a personal question 30 minutes after meeting. I was a little taken aback... and we kept on talking... me covering up my shyness in this area.
I’m about a drink away from the end of my beer and he says, "Do you want to go outside, while I smoke." Hmm ok, I can remember asking this the other day during on of our IM sessions, if he smoked--"sometime" he said. Doesn’t look like sometimes to me. We walk outside and he starts walking to his car...a bad move I know to be riding alone in a car with some strange guy. I’m a horrible person, I just know it. But what can I do, but follow him into the car. Want to go for a ride... "We'll just talk."
So we drive a few miles, and we talk then he pulls over to a side street. Yup, I’m 16 again and the guy I’m with wants to go parking...I just knew it. So, we sit there...in front of someone’s home mind you. And then comes the "Can I touch your boob?" Ok so what the hell, I mean I don’t mind...but why? I mean just kiss me and then touch it, don’t ask me. How weird is that. He never even kissed me the whole night...
We drive back to my car soon after this odd exchange, and he proceeds to tell me he only wants sex. He doesn’t want a relationship...he wants sex. SO, I tell him, that’s fine and dandy, but me...I need more. I might not be looking for serious, but I don’t want to be a wham bam thank you mam girl. I deserve better then that and I tell him so. "We should be friends I think" is how the night ended.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
The Response Ive been waiting for
Ok, So i posted another a ad, just so I could get this guy to email me back...cause Ive ALWAYS deleted his before and I needed to get him to respond again...hahaha and he did. With the pics to go with it...
Interesting post! You wrote:....want to have fun, see where it can go...not looking to be married...
Did you find what you were seeking on Craig's List yet? If not, please call me at your earliest convenience. If we "click" on the phone, could we meet some night at the SKY Restaurant and Lounge in Sudbury on Route 20 for a drink? Would 7:00PM or 11:00PM work for you? I'm 5'7" - blue eyes, divorced, a non-smoker, love my job in Sales as a Director with a hot start-up Internet webconferencing company, have my Master's degree, and my hair and beard are now both silver... the same color as my ol' chariot below.
If you want, you could optionally bring your bathing suit and later relax in my jacuzzi overlooking the Sudbury River which is just a short distance from SKY?
Sincerely,
Kevin
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Harvard Date
I went out tonight with that guy. He was nice, didn’t pay... so friends it is. That’s my deciding factor these days, if they don’t pay...then we will be just friends...if they do pay then they want more.
The date went well enough, besides my mind being elsewhere. He was a gentleman, holding doors, and we had a lot to talk about. He was very interesting, learning his culture, even though I skipped drinking because I found out that Muslims do not drink. After dinner, we walked around Harvard Yard, a first for me…it was interesting to see an Ivy league school, be walking where famous leaders have walked before. Over all it was a nice night.
Although, what I do know is that right now I’m caught up on Anchorman and The Hero. What ifs and what happen, verses what could be with the guy sitting across from me eating Mexican? It’s not fair for me to meet anyone else right now, even to just forget someone else. Then I think about the guys I’ve been out with in the past few months, maybe they were trying to forget too.
Its funny how I am not nervous anymore. When I first started dating this summer, my hands would sweat and my heart would be doing the Macarena in my chest. After a date or two, I started having a drink or two to calm my nerves before every date. I even wondered at one point, is the making me an alcoholic? But, tonight I was totally fine. Maybe it is something that does just come with practice, time. Nerves slowly go away. But along with nerves is the excitement of the unknown. Now, I might not be nervous, but I’m not excited either. I feel nothing to be honest, I just kind of numb. Even when I met Anchorman for the first time, he had a nice smile and we talked allot, but at first...yup numb. It was after the first date that I started to really like him.
The date went well enough, besides my mind being elsewhere. He was a gentleman, holding doors, and we had a lot to talk about. He was very interesting, learning his culture, even though I skipped drinking because I found out that Muslims do not drink. After dinner, we walked around Harvard Yard, a first for me…it was interesting to see an Ivy league school, be walking where famous leaders have walked before. Over all it was a nice night.
Although, what I do know is that right now I’m caught up on Anchorman and The Hero. What ifs and what happen, verses what could be with the guy sitting across from me eating Mexican? It’s not fair for me to meet anyone else right now, even to just forget someone else. Then I think about the guys I’ve been out with in the past few months, maybe they were trying to forget too.
Its funny how I am not nervous anymore. When I first started dating this summer, my hands would sweat and my heart would be doing the Macarena in my chest. After a date or two, I started having a drink or two to calm my nerves before every date. I even wondered at one point, is the making me an alcoholic? But, tonight I was totally fine. Maybe it is something that does just come with practice, time. Nerves slowly go away. But along with nerves is the excitement of the unknown. Now, I might not be nervous, but I’m not excited either. I feel nothing to be honest, I just kind of numb. Even when I met Anchorman for the first time, he had a nice smile and we talked allot, but at first...yup numb. It was after the first date that I started to really like him.
My own Hero
I am sitting here at 10:30 in the morning, trying to work. I need to come up with a new wine label...and then I stop and think about The Hero. Then I think about my wine label, then The Hero, then the label, then Anchorman. I need to find a way, to stop my head from doing this.
I am in constant need of reassurance. I am not sure why this is. Is it because no one has ever really truly liked ME. And if they have I just didn't know about it.
I IMed the Hero this morning, and he didn't respond. Did he not respond to me? Or not to anyone? Maybe he came online and then walked away... to get a coffee at 5:30 in the AM... or what if its his friend going into his quarters checking on something? What if he just isn't in the mood for my half ass ramblings this early in the morning... or maybe something happened to him and I will never ever know?
I am meeting some new guy tonight for dinner. Not really a date, maybe in his mind it is...but no idea how to know... its bad to think, maybe just maybe he will pay. But, we started talking this weekend. He seems nice enough, he isn't American, he's Turkish and from Cyprus. I keep thinking in my head about The Turkey. But, I will say Im not going to think all guys will be that much of an ass, except for all the guys I've met thus far.
Hmmm. maybe just guys in general are asses? But then I think of the Hero (even though he broke numerous times in the past, but my gut says he might be able to be my Hero.) And I think about the nice guys I know, maybe not the ones I've dated, but just friends of mine. They are great guys, and why can't I find a guy like that? I want someone who will call me, Im me, email me, want ME. No more broken promises or bullshit lines. I just want my own "Hero"
Does he even exsist?
I am in constant need of reassurance. I am not sure why this is. Is it because no one has ever really truly liked ME. And if they have I just didn't know about it.
I IMed the Hero this morning, and he didn't respond. Did he not respond to me? Or not to anyone? Maybe he came online and then walked away... to get a coffee at 5:30 in the AM... or what if its his friend going into his quarters checking on something? What if he just isn't in the mood for my half ass ramblings this early in the morning... or maybe something happened to him and I will never ever know?
I am meeting some new guy tonight for dinner. Not really a date, maybe in his mind it is...but no idea how to know... its bad to think, maybe just maybe he will pay. But, we started talking this weekend. He seems nice enough, he isn't American, he's Turkish and from Cyprus. I keep thinking in my head about The Turkey. But, I will say Im not going to think all guys will be that much of an ass, except for all the guys I've met thus far.
Hmmm. maybe just guys in general are asses? But then I think of the Hero (even though he broke numerous times in the past, but my gut says he might be able to be my Hero.) And I think about the nice guys I know, maybe not the ones I've dated, but just friends of mine. They are great guys, and why can't I find a guy like that? I want someone who will call me, Im me, email me, want ME. No more broken promises or bullshit lines. I just want my own "Hero"
Does he even exsist?
Monday, December 11, 2006
Never Ends
I got stood up by anchorman. Yup... It sucked, and Im sad, mad, pissed, annoyed, frustrated, all the emotions you go through. Not sure if Im hurt because of him or that someone can have such little respect for me that I couldnt even get a bad excuse at least, but yea it happened and true to form, I was sad falling asleep.
But, after a movie to forget about my breaking heart, I came online just to see if I got one little apologie...nope. But The General was there--of course, why am I not surprised. Back in the days when I wanted to talk to him, I couldn't get him to talk to me, and now--I really don't give two shits if we talk or I never hear from him again, he won't leave me alone. So he comes online and keeps talking, me being in a pissy mood, I tell him so...and we actually start talking...really truly talking..the first time in weeks...if ever.
And then proceeds to tell me he is 27. Hahaha not sure...I was like, "ok, so now your 27, when last month you were 24, and the month before 26, and Im suppose to believe you are 27!" "Why lie?"
"Shame? I was embarrassed--Im a loser in school, trust me Im 27!!!"
Hmm, what to believe...he's nuts...
But, after a movie to forget about my breaking heart, I came online just to see if I got one little apologie...nope. But The General was there--of course, why am I not surprised. Back in the days when I wanted to talk to him, I couldn't get him to talk to me, and now--I really don't give two shits if we talk or I never hear from him again, he won't leave me alone. So he comes online and keeps talking, me being in a pissy mood, I tell him so...and we actually start talking...really truly talking..the first time in weeks...if ever.
And then proceeds to tell me he is 27. Hahaha not sure...I was like, "ok, so now your 27, when last month you were 24, and the month before 26, and Im suppose to believe you are 27!" "Why lie?"
"Shame? I was embarrassed--Im a loser in school, trust me Im 27!!!"
Hmm, what to believe...he's nuts...
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Scared Shitless
I hate being scared. Its so annoying. Once again I am talking about me having a control problem. I don't know what else to say...I hardly ever let myself like a guy because then Im worthless and scared. Why is that? Why do I do that to myself? I wish I was the type of girl who had confidence in herself enough, to be like fuck you... if you don't want me... well someone else will. But then I sit here and wonder, well what if something has come up and he cant get to a phone or cant get to a computer... what then??
I am sitting here waiting for Anchorman to IM me. He's not online, but I have been since 10 sharp hoping, waiting, anything to see his hi. We hung out yesterday, me doing the same thing, until I got in my car for a ride--library, bank, errands that had to be made so it doesn't look like Im waiting for him at every breath. When I get back 2 hours after I had left, he was waiting for me. He came over for a few hours... it was fun... nice to see him... and HE even asked... "so we are going to hang out tomorrow right?" "yea, you want to" "yea, if I can be fit into your busy schedule."
And now here I am sitting here waiting... for him. How is that possible, how am I once again the loser girl... going through in my head all the things I said to him yesterday... over and over... maybe he's spooked again. Maybe he thinks from something I said, that I want something like marriage and babies, instead of fun and smiles. Is that even possible coming from my state of mind... but why isn't he online yet? Where is he? What if he doesn't come on at all today and I wasted a day when I could have gone to visit my cousin and her new house and fiance... but NOoo, Im sitting here waiting by the phone, willing it to ring... please please ring.
Maybe I need a trip to Target, something, to get me out of this house---so Im not waiting on him anymore today. Fuck.. just call will ya.
I am sitting here waiting for Anchorman to IM me. He's not online, but I have been since 10 sharp hoping, waiting, anything to see his hi. We hung out yesterday, me doing the same thing, until I got in my car for a ride--library, bank, errands that had to be made so it doesn't look like Im waiting for him at every breath. When I get back 2 hours after I had left, he was waiting for me. He came over for a few hours... it was fun... nice to see him... and HE even asked... "so we are going to hang out tomorrow right?" "yea, you want to" "yea, if I can be fit into your busy schedule."
And now here I am sitting here waiting... for him. How is that possible, how am I once again the loser girl... going through in my head all the things I said to him yesterday... over and over... maybe he's spooked again. Maybe he thinks from something I said, that I want something like marriage and babies, instead of fun and smiles. Is that even possible coming from my state of mind... but why isn't he online yet? Where is he? What if he doesn't come on at all today and I wasted a day when I could have gone to visit my cousin and her new house and fiance... but NOoo, Im sitting here waiting by the phone, willing it to ring... please please ring.
Maybe I need a trip to Target, something, to get me out of this house---so Im not waiting on him anymore today. Fuck.. just call will ya.
Thursday, December 7, 2006
Stupid Boys
I’ve talked to allot of guys in the last 6 months since I started dating. I would talk to one, he would be all interested and turned on by the idea of me and then see a photo and never talk to me again. Or what about the guy who would talk to me for weeks, and even make plans to meet up, but then the day that we were suppose to meet, he drops off the face of the earth, to never be heard from again. I have no idea where they get the brilliant bright idea to lead people on online, and maybe that does happen over time, once you get used to the idea of online. Online means nothing really, it’s this idea that maybe sounds good, but in reality it is in the end--online--NOT real.
You do start to realize that when talking to them, there personalities might be different then there real life ones, but they still have personalities non the less. And the personality --good or bad--you start to realize who they are--and know what they want and do you really want to meet this person-who ever they are.
I had the one guy that called me Nylon girl, he wanted to meet and message my feet. At first I let him think, maybe we would meet, but then after awhile, I still didn't know anything about him, except that he wanted to meet me and give me a foot massage--even though I hate feet.
Then there is Dave, we met one night online and decided to meet in person the next day, even though I warned him that I was shy. We meet in front of Quizno's around the corner from where he lives, and from the look on his face, I am def. not what he was looking for, and was he what I was looking for? Not really--I think he could have been gay--in the closet...
The first guy I ever met was at a coffee shop, and I was way late--I felt bad for the poor guy honestly, since the meeting was def. not worth the wait. I ended the coffee meeting by saying, "wow look at that, my car's time is up."
Another guy early on, who I was instantly attracted to his pics and our conversations, was a winner. So hot, even my roommate was into him. We talked on the phone a few times, and had allot in common. Our family values were similar enough to keep the conversations going. We decided to meet one night, him meeting me at a bar with friends, as I am sitting at Cherry Tree, time just keeps on moving on, 10-10:30-11-11:30, and no phone call, and a no show...
And then there is the guy that I talked to for a few weeks, on and off IM. We decided to meet at the movies one afternoon (the same afternoon as the turkey). We went to the movies, he was nice enough, ok looking, he was suppose to be 28--my age, but looked 36. Hmm--I still wonder about that. We get into the movie, and he holds out his hand for me to hold. Not to bad, different, but what am I going to do--say no? So we watch Talladega Nights holding hands like we were 13 on a first date. We part ways after a nice hug, and talked a few times after. I was open to dating him again, if only he would ASK me. He would call just to say hi, never asking, he would text me--"hugs!” ":)", "Miss you" after awhile, I just got annoyed with this, it cost me money to get text, fucking call and ask me out if you want to go out!
Luwey was nice enough, just not much driving him. Not sure how we started talking, but somehow we did. We met at the bar by my house, and at dinner--drank a few drinks. Me laughing and trying to make conversation, he was a little dry. Reminded me of a surfer dude, or a Vermont pot head..."you know what I mean man..." We went back to my place after dinner, since we were so close, and he kissed me... we went to my room and made out for a little bit. It was nice; he was nice, just not much up there...or down there. Just kidding...
I’m trying to remember the others I’ve met, both online and off. There have been a few as you have noticed, but it’s the ones that get past my defenses that hurt the most. I have met a few that I wonder if they are married or not, I have no idea why they never insist on meeting face to face. Or the guys that just want friends with benefits...what is the point of that. Isn’t fooling around with a friend make him more then a friend, not sure what that title is, but it definitely means more then friends. Then there are the guys that only want sex, nothing else, even the married ones that say, well hell--at least I'm honest with ya. But what about being honest with your wife? Online dating and meeting is interesting, and its all in the personality and not taking it to seriously… that’s what I have to tell myself whenever someone new breaks another chip off this heart of mine. Because at the end of the day, they are all just stupid boys.
You do start to realize that when talking to them, there personalities might be different then there real life ones, but they still have personalities non the less. And the personality --good or bad--you start to realize who they are--and know what they want and do you really want to meet this person-who ever they are.
I had the one guy that called me Nylon girl, he wanted to meet and message my feet. At first I let him think, maybe we would meet, but then after awhile, I still didn't know anything about him, except that he wanted to meet me and give me a foot massage--even though I hate feet.
Then there is Dave, we met one night online and decided to meet in person the next day, even though I warned him that I was shy. We meet in front of Quizno's around the corner from where he lives, and from the look on his face, I am def. not what he was looking for, and was he what I was looking for? Not really--I think he could have been gay--in the closet...
The first guy I ever met was at a coffee shop, and I was way late--I felt bad for the poor guy honestly, since the meeting was def. not worth the wait. I ended the coffee meeting by saying, "wow look at that, my car's time is up."
Another guy early on, who I was instantly attracted to his pics and our conversations, was a winner. So hot, even my roommate was into him. We talked on the phone a few times, and had allot in common. Our family values were similar enough to keep the conversations going. We decided to meet one night, him meeting me at a bar with friends, as I am sitting at Cherry Tree, time just keeps on moving on, 10-10:30-11-11:30, and no phone call, and a no show...
And then there is the guy that I talked to for a few weeks, on and off IM. We decided to meet at the movies one afternoon (the same afternoon as the turkey). We went to the movies, he was nice enough, ok looking, he was suppose to be 28--my age, but looked 36. Hmm--I still wonder about that. We get into the movie, and he holds out his hand for me to hold. Not to bad, different, but what am I going to do--say no? So we watch Talladega Nights holding hands like we were 13 on a first date. We part ways after a nice hug, and talked a few times after. I was open to dating him again, if only he would ASK me. He would call just to say hi, never asking, he would text me--"hugs!” ":)", "Miss you" after awhile, I just got annoyed with this, it cost me money to get text, fucking call and ask me out if you want to go out!
Luwey was nice enough, just not much driving him. Not sure how we started talking, but somehow we did. We met at the bar by my house, and at dinner--drank a few drinks. Me laughing and trying to make conversation, he was a little dry. Reminded me of a surfer dude, or a Vermont pot head..."you know what I mean man..." We went back to my place after dinner, since we were so close, and he kissed me... we went to my room and made out for a little bit. It was nice; he was nice, just not much up there...or down there. Just kidding...
I’m trying to remember the others I’ve met, both online and off. There have been a few as you have noticed, but it’s the ones that get past my defenses that hurt the most. I have met a few that I wonder if they are married or not, I have no idea why they never insist on meeting face to face. Or the guys that just want friends with benefits...what is the point of that. Isn’t fooling around with a friend make him more then a friend, not sure what that title is, but it definitely means more then friends. Then there are the guys that only want sex, nothing else, even the married ones that say, well hell--at least I'm honest with ya. But what about being honest with your wife? Online dating and meeting is interesting, and its all in the personality and not taking it to seriously… that’s what I have to tell myself whenever someone new breaks another chip off this heart of mine. Because at the end of the day, they are all just stupid boys.
Wednesday, December 6, 2006
The General just won't stop...
My Conversations with The General:
November 22:
10:10:45 AM The General: My laptop is sooooooooooooooooooooo fast!
10:11:25 AM ME: thought u said goodbye to me
10:14:38 AM ME: ?
10:14:59 AM The General: we can be online friends
10:15:24 AM ME: nope--i dont want someone who is going to get pissed at me half the time, no time for that
10:17:22 AM The General: cya
November 27:
9:40:54 AM The General: hi
9:41:37 AM KT: i got a new car
2:53:11 PM The General: what kinda car
2:55:18 PM KT: jetta
2:55:45 PM The General: color?
2:55:48 PM KT: silver
2:56:01 PM The General: great
2:56:03 PM The General: lets hang out!
2:56:11 PM KT: why cause i have a new car
2:56:34 PM The General: yup
2:56:48 PM KT: yea that should be fun
2:57:45 PM The General: automatic or 5 speed
2:57:58 PM KT: manual 5
3:20:23 PM The General: when can i see it
3:21:00 PM KT: i dont know--i dont have it yet
3:24:06 PM KT: and what r u going to do come over just to see my car?
November 30:
4:13:46 PM The General: When do you wanna hang out?
4:13:56 PM KT: i thought u didnt want to
4:14:07 PM The General: You’ve got a New Jetta!
4:14:17 PM KT: hot and cold
4:14:23 PM The General: lol
4:14:27 PM The General: When do you pick it up?
4:14:40 PM KT: im going to go talk to them tonight i think
4:16:23 PM The General: Do you think Mass College of Liberal Arts is a good school?
4:16:36 PM KT: maybe
4:16:38 PM KT: its ok
4:20:41 PM The General: Have you head of it?
4:21:09 PM KT: ??
4:23:39 PM The General: Hahaha.
4:23:40 PM The General: Holy shit.
4:23:45 PM The General: It’s FOURTH tier.
4:23:55 PM KT: what the fuck r u talking about
4:24:02 PM The General: Shut the fuck up.
4:24:04 PM The General: Don’t be rude.
4:24:11 PM KT: i asked u already
4:24:16 PM KT: what r u talking about right now
4:24:58 PM KT: see, u never, ever---answer me
4:26:08 PM The General: You’re annoying.
4:26:12 PM KT: see
4:26:14 PM KT: now
4:26:16 PM The General: And you have a potty mouth.
4:26:21 PM KT: whos rude
4:27:12 PM KT: aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
4:30:31 PM The General: You’re insane, bitch!
4:32:32 PM KT: ok--do me a favor--either talk to me now--nicely--or dont contact me again---
4:36:19 PM The General: I’ll talk to you later.
4:36:29 PM KT: please don’t bother
4:36:35 PM The General: And I’ll think about being nice.
4:37:02 PM KT: im being serious--dont talk to me if you are being that way--its annoying
4:38:52 PM The General: You watch your mouth and we’ll be okay.
4:39:14 PM KT: i didnt do anything
4:39:22 PM KT: u r the one that started going off
4:39:26 PM KT: and u call me insane
4:40:48 PM The General: Just watch your mouth.
4:40:56 PM KT: im being serious
4:41:13 PM The General: I am too.
4:41:28 PM KT: i dont think we have much to talk about period
4:41:33 PM The General: KT: what the fuck r u talking about <------ that was rude as hell
4:41:42 PM KT: so why do you stiill talk
4:42:06 PM KT: i think we should just stop talking --period
4:42:22 PM The General: Admit that you were wrong and let’s move on.
4:42:43 PM KT: i just dont know if i want to talk about any of this anymore
4:43:20 PM The General: You should be lucky I talk to you.
4:43:24 PM The General: I’m an amazing guy.
4:43:26 PM The General: And hot.
4:43:43 PM KT: what do u want me to say--u insult me half the time
4:44:03 PM KT: i dont feel like talking to someone who is like that to me
4:44:39 PM The General: I’m the hottest guy you know
4:44:52 PM KT: this has nothing to do with looks
4:45:02 PM KT: this has to do with--u treat me like SHIT
4:45:17 PM The General: no i dont
4:45:22 PM KT: yes
4:47:10 PM The General: u gonna start behaving???
4:47:19 PM KT: im being serious
4:47:26 PM KT: why do we talk
4:47:34 PM KT: whats the point
December 1st:
9:14:09 AM The General: Hey.
9:14:15 AM KT: yes
9:14:47 AM The General: Let’s be nice!
9:14:58 AM KT: honestly though--why do we talk?
9:15:09 AM KT: you said we weren’t going to hang out again
9:15:16 AM KT: just be online friends
9:15:24 AM KT: i dont want an online friend
9:15:27 AM KT: see
9:15:57 AM The General: We will be real friends as soon as my schedule frees up.
9:16:13 AM KT: right--but when is that? and u are going away to school
9:16:23 AM KT: i just dont know what the point is
9:17:29 AM KT: i obviously annoy you more then i cheer u up
9:23:57 AM The General: Nah, you’re fine.
9:24:06 AM The General: I need you to Photoshop something for me, though.
9:24:08 AM KT: u insult me
9:24:13 AM KT: no
9:24:19 AM The General: Why not?
9:24:32 AM KT: cause i dont know why--why should I? im busy
9:25:20 AM The General: Please!
9:25:27 AM KT: i cant right now
9:27:10 AM KT: but im honest--why do we keep talking--its a waste of time
9:27:41 AM The General: Fine.
9:27:43 AM The General: Let’s stop.
9:27:52 AM KT: im being honest
9:28:00 AM KT: im not being a bitch
9:28:04 AM KT: i mean why?
9:28:39 AM The General: Just stop being so dramatic and we’ll be fine.
9:32:13 AM The General: ok?
9:32:37 AM KT: i dont know--we will see--its not about being dramatic--as much as its pointless
9:33:05 AM The General: see, this is what makes you annoying
9:33:20 AM The General: you like to flog dead horses!
9:33:32 AM KT: see and this is what im talking about why do we talk?
9:34:30 AM The General: Dude
9:34:45 AM The General: You’ve repeated the same thing 10 times in 5 minutes
9:34:47 AM The General: thats annoying
9:35:36 AM KT: ok--i am going to say it one last time--i dont want to talk anymore--lets just say good luck and good bye---good luck with school ok?
9:38:13 AM KT: bye---hope you are happy--
9:38:14 AM The General: Thanks, good luck with your job
At this point I blocked him from my IM---because as I said tons of times now, what is the point??
So today, I was cleaning up my IM--and decided to unblock him and delete him, since it had been numerous days, I figured I had seen the last of him... or have I. Shit here he is again... same old shit too.
December 6
11:12:20 AM The General: Hi.
11:12:26 AM KT: hi
11:12:38 AM The General: Let’s be nice!
11:13:05 AM KT: lol
11:13:46 AM The General: Whatcha doing?
11:13:53 AM KT: working, im sick
11:14:04 AM The General: Oh no.
11:14:10 AM The General: Did you pick up your Jetta?
11:14:14 AM KT: yes
11:14:39 AM KT: its pretty
11:16:15 AM KT: and so much faster then my last one
11:16:28 AM The General: We gotta hang out soon.
11:16:37 AM KT: we will see
11:16:55 AM The General: Can you do a Photoshoppe for me?
11:16:57 AM The General: Very simple.
11:17:01 AM The General: Just change of color.
11:17:05 AM KT: not right now
11:17:25 AM The General: Let’s go Christmas shopping soon.
11:17:33 AM KT: haha
Is he crazy or am I to keep talking to him?? Is he crazy or just a 24 immature guy?
November 22:
10:10:45 AM The General: My laptop is sooooooooooooooooooooo fast!
10:11:25 AM ME: thought u said goodbye to me
10:14:38 AM ME: ?
10:14:59 AM The General: we can be online friends
10:15:24 AM ME: nope--i dont want someone who is going to get pissed at me half the time, no time for that
10:17:22 AM The General: cya
November 27:
9:40:54 AM The General: hi
9:41:37 AM KT: i got a new car
2:53:11 PM The General: what kinda car
2:55:18 PM KT: jetta
2:55:45 PM The General: color?
2:55:48 PM KT: silver
2:56:01 PM The General: great
2:56:03 PM The General: lets hang out!
2:56:11 PM KT: why cause i have a new car
2:56:34 PM The General: yup
2:56:48 PM KT: yea that should be fun
2:57:45 PM The General: automatic or 5 speed
2:57:58 PM KT: manual 5
3:20:23 PM The General: when can i see it
3:21:00 PM KT: i dont know--i dont have it yet
3:24:06 PM KT: and what r u going to do come over just to see my car?
November 30:
4:13:46 PM The General: When do you wanna hang out?
4:13:56 PM KT: i thought u didnt want to
4:14:07 PM The General: You’ve got a New Jetta!
4:14:17 PM KT: hot and cold
4:14:23 PM The General: lol
4:14:27 PM The General: When do you pick it up?
4:14:40 PM KT: im going to go talk to them tonight i think
4:16:23 PM The General: Do you think Mass College of Liberal Arts is a good school?
4:16:36 PM KT: maybe
4:16:38 PM KT: its ok
4:20:41 PM The General: Have you head of it?
4:21:09 PM KT: ??
4:23:39 PM The General: Hahaha.
4:23:40 PM The General: Holy shit.
4:23:45 PM The General: It’s FOURTH tier.
4:23:55 PM KT: what the fuck r u talking about
4:24:02 PM The General: Shut the fuck up.
4:24:04 PM The General: Don’t be rude.
4:24:11 PM KT: i asked u already
4:24:16 PM KT: what r u talking about right now
4:24:58 PM KT: see, u never, ever---answer me
4:26:08 PM The General: You’re annoying.
4:26:12 PM KT: see
4:26:14 PM KT: now
4:26:16 PM The General: And you have a potty mouth.
4:26:21 PM KT: whos rude
4:27:12 PM KT: aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
4:30:31 PM The General: You’re insane, bitch!
4:32:32 PM KT: ok--do me a favor--either talk to me now--nicely--or dont contact me again---
4:36:19 PM The General: I’ll talk to you later.
4:36:29 PM KT: please don’t bother
4:36:35 PM The General: And I’ll think about being nice.
4:37:02 PM KT: im being serious--dont talk to me if you are being that way--its annoying
4:38:52 PM The General: You watch your mouth and we’ll be okay.
4:39:14 PM KT: i didnt do anything
4:39:22 PM KT: u r the one that started going off
4:39:26 PM KT: and u call me insane
4:40:48 PM The General: Just watch your mouth.
4:40:56 PM KT: im being serious
4:41:13 PM The General: I am too.
4:41:28 PM KT: i dont think we have much to talk about period
4:41:33 PM The General: KT: what the fuck r u talking about <------ that was rude as hell
4:41:42 PM KT: so why do you stiill talk
4:42:06 PM KT: i think we should just stop talking --period
4:42:22 PM The General: Admit that you were wrong and let’s move on.
4:42:43 PM KT: i just dont know if i want to talk about any of this anymore
4:43:20 PM The General: You should be lucky I talk to you.
4:43:24 PM The General: I’m an amazing guy.
4:43:26 PM The General: And hot.
4:43:43 PM KT: what do u want me to say--u insult me half the time
4:44:03 PM KT: i dont feel like talking to someone who is like that to me
4:44:39 PM The General: I’m the hottest guy you know
4:44:52 PM KT: this has nothing to do with looks
4:45:02 PM KT: this has to do with--u treat me like SHIT
4:45:17 PM The General: no i dont
4:45:22 PM KT: yes
4:47:10 PM The General: u gonna start behaving???
4:47:19 PM KT: im being serious
4:47:26 PM KT: why do we talk
4:47:34 PM KT: whats the point
December 1st:
9:14:09 AM The General: Hey.
9:14:15 AM KT: yes
9:14:47 AM The General: Let’s be nice!
9:14:58 AM KT: honestly though--why do we talk?
9:15:09 AM KT: you said we weren’t going to hang out again
9:15:16 AM KT: just be online friends
9:15:24 AM KT: i dont want an online friend
9:15:27 AM KT: see
9:15:57 AM The General: We will be real friends as soon as my schedule frees up.
9:16:13 AM KT: right--but when is that? and u are going away to school
9:16:23 AM KT: i just dont know what the point is
9:17:29 AM KT: i obviously annoy you more then i cheer u up
9:23:57 AM The General: Nah, you’re fine.
9:24:06 AM The General: I need you to Photoshop something for me, though.
9:24:08 AM KT: u insult me
9:24:13 AM KT: no
9:24:19 AM The General: Why not?
9:24:32 AM KT: cause i dont know why--why should I? im busy
9:25:20 AM The General: Please!
9:25:27 AM KT: i cant right now
9:27:10 AM KT: but im honest--why do we keep talking--its a waste of time
9:27:41 AM The General: Fine.
9:27:43 AM The General: Let’s stop.
9:27:52 AM KT: im being honest
9:28:00 AM KT: im not being a bitch
9:28:04 AM KT: i mean why?
9:28:39 AM The General: Just stop being so dramatic and we’ll be fine.
9:32:13 AM The General: ok?
9:32:37 AM KT: i dont know--we will see--its not about being dramatic--as much as its pointless
9:33:05 AM The General: see, this is what makes you annoying
9:33:20 AM The General: you like to flog dead horses!
9:33:32 AM KT: see and this is what im talking about why do we talk?
9:34:30 AM The General: Dude
9:34:45 AM The General: You’ve repeated the same thing 10 times in 5 minutes
9:34:47 AM The General: thats annoying
9:35:36 AM KT: ok--i am going to say it one last time--i dont want to talk anymore--lets just say good luck and good bye---good luck with school ok?
9:38:13 AM KT: bye---hope you are happy--
9:38:14 AM The General: Thanks, good luck with your job
At this point I blocked him from my IM---because as I said tons of times now, what is the point??
So today, I was cleaning up my IM--and decided to unblock him and delete him, since it had been numerous days, I figured I had seen the last of him... or have I. Shit here he is again... same old shit too.
December 6
11:12:20 AM The General: Hi.
11:12:26 AM KT: hi
11:12:38 AM The General: Let’s be nice!
11:13:05 AM KT: lol
11:13:46 AM The General: Whatcha doing?
11:13:53 AM KT: working, im sick
11:14:04 AM The General: Oh no.
11:14:10 AM The General: Did you pick up your Jetta?
11:14:14 AM KT: yes
11:14:39 AM KT: its pretty
11:16:15 AM KT: and so much faster then my last one
11:16:28 AM The General: We gotta hang out soon.
11:16:37 AM KT: we will see
11:16:55 AM The General: Can you do a Photoshoppe for me?
11:16:57 AM The General: Very simple.
11:17:01 AM The General: Just change of color.
11:17:05 AM KT: not right now
11:17:25 AM The General: Let’s go Christmas shopping soon.
11:17:33 AM KT: haha
Is he crazy or am I to keep talking to him?? Is he crazy or just a 24 immature guy?
Tuesday, December 5, 2006
The Hero or Anchorman?
I did end up meeting up with Anchorman after all on Saturday night. Bad of me I know, 2 dates in one night... and it was not like I planned it like that. But I still woke up Sunday with a smile on my face, whatever that means...
I have been seeing Anchorman now for a few weeks, and yes he's the one Ive talked about a time or two. There is not much to say about him to be honest, except I like him. We are just having fun and not looking towards tomorrow. I think thats pretty normal anyways, isn't? There is no way to know to know what you are feeling until time passes... is it passion and lust, is it more? Will it grow into more? Or fizzle out and be something different later on. Who knows---only god---Im guessing.
But then what about my feelings for The Hero? They are there and they are real, but how can I know what I really feel when we have never met face to face. But I get sad at the thought of never talking to him again. I have no idea what to talk to him about though, since he is living life and death over seas, and here I am telling him about my new car or how Im feeling like shit today. Why the hell would he care?
Why do I care? And what do I care?
I have been seeing Anchorman now for a few weeks, and yes he's the one Ive talked about a time or two. There is not much to say about him to be honest, except I like him. We are just having fun and not looking towards tomorrow. I think thats pretty normal anyways, isn't? There is no way to know to know what you are feeling until time passes... is it passion and lust, is it more? Will it grow into more? Or fizzle out and be something different later on. Who knows---only god---Im guessing.
But then what about my feelings for The Hero? They are there and they are real, but how can I know what I really feel when we have never met face to face. But I get sad at the thought of never talking to him again. I have no idea what to talk to him about though, since he is living life and death over seas, and here I am telling him about my new car or how Im feeling like shit today. Why the hell would he care?
Why do I care? And what do I care?
Saturday, December 2, 2006
G-Man?
I met this guy tonight for the first time. I know I know I told some of you I was breaking from dating, and I am..seriously. BUT< I was bored, and I hadn't heard from Anchorman, and i knew if i sat around all night alone, with no plans on a saturday night I was going to be pissed off... and that leads to no good. So, I got home from work and came on IM--hoping, praying Anchorman would be online, since I had left him an email earlier today telling him I got out at 6, what was he up to... but I haven't heard from him as of yet--go fucking figure...
For the last few weeks, off and on --mostly on the weekends, I talk to this guy. I am not sure what his nickname will be to be honest... I haven't thought about him enough to warrant a name. His IM's name is an idea, but what would it be...G-Man just doesn't sound right, maybe because he wasn't GQ quality. I am so not complaining right now--this is NOT a requirement, its more of an observation.
Well, I was on Im and he appeared before my eyes, so like I said, since its a saturday night, and neither of us were doing anything we decided to do dinner. He chose a place after going on Phantom Gourmet, that was luckily in my town... so not to far for me to drive. DInner was good, a little more low key then I had planned, a more of a walk in dinner type place. You ordered at the counter and sat down to eat. me being me, I decided to order wine to go with my meal--needed some extra something...
DInner was good, talking was interesting, then the lights went out...I guess they were kicking us out. Now what?
Off to across the street to the bar. Cherry Tree it is. We sit down and both of us are rambling at this point, trying to make conversation. He was nice, not sure how or what I feel. But he was nice. The only thing that I couldn't stop looking at were his teeth. Some were missing... what does that mean? He seemed to be from a nice family, and he did go to private Catholic school, so I am not sure what happened here. Its not like.... what do I say? I have no idea...I just couldn't get over the teeth. I know this is a physical thing, and who knows what I will see if we keep going on a few dates, but I couldn't help but wonder what my tongue would feel like inside that mouth, isn't that weird?
Like I said, he was really nice, and paid for my dinner and everything..and my beer at Cherry Tree. He was a gentleman too, didn't answer his phone while on a date (like some other guy I went out with), and he didn't insult the waitress, he was very sweet and nice...just his teeth kept getting in the way...
Finally I was able to end the date... man I need to work tomorrow... Im so sleepy, ok hint is finally hitting home.
We walk to out cars...and he oohs and ahhhs over my new vw jetta... and we go out merry ways...me to my house..him to his parents house....
Who knows what will happen next.
For the last few weeks, off and on --mostly on the weekends, I talk to this guy. I am not sure what his nickname will be to be honest... I haven't thought about him enough to warrant a name. His IM's name is an idea, but what would it be...G-Man just doesn't sound right, maybe because he wasn't GQ quality. I am so not complaining right now--this is NOT a requirement, its more of an observation.
Well, I was on Im and he appeared before my eyes, so like I said, since its a saturday night, and neither of us were doing anything we decided to do dinner. He chose a place after going on Phantom Gourmet, that was luckily in my town... so not to far for me to drive. DInner was good, a little more low key then I had planned, a more of a walk in dinner type place. You ordered at the counter and sat down to eat. me being me, I decided to order wine to go with my meal--needed some extra something...
DInner was good, talking was interesting, then the lights went out...I guess they were kicking us out. Now what?
Off to across the street to the bar. Cherry Tree it is. We sit down and both of us are rambling at this point, trying to make conversation. He was nice, not sure how or what I feel. But he was nice. The only thing that I couldn't stop looking at were his teeth. Some were missing... what does that mean? He seemed to be from a nice family, and he did go to private Catholic school, so I am not sure what happened here. Its not like.... what do I say? I have no idea...I just couldn't get over the teeth. I know this is a physical thing, and who knows what I will see if we keep going on a few dates, but I couldn't help but wonder what my tongue would feel like inside that mouth, isn't that weird?
Like I said, he was really nice, and paid for my dinner and everything..and my beer at Cherry Tree. He was a gentleman too, didn't answer his phone while on a date (like some other guy I went out with), and he didn't insult the waitress, he was very sweet and nice...just his teeth kept getting in the way...
Finally I was able to end the date... man I need to work tomorrow... Im so sleepy, ok hint is finally hitting home.
We walk to out cars...and he oohs and ahhhs over my new vw jetta... and we go out merry ways...me to my house..him to his parents house....
Who knows what will happen next.
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