My own Hero

I am sitting here at 10:30 in the morning, trying to work. I need to come up with a new wine label...and then I stop and think about The Hero. Then I think about my wine label, then The Hero, then the label, then Anchorman. I need to find a way, to stop my head from doing this.

I am in constant need of reassurance. I am not sure why this is. Is it because no one has ever really truly liked ME. And if they have I just didn't know about it.

I IMed the Hero this morning, and he didn't respond. Did he not respond to me? Or not to anyone? Maybe he came online and then walked away... to get a coffee at 5:30 in the AM... or what if its his friend going into his quarters checking on something? What if he just isn't in the mood for my half ass ramblings this early in the morning... or maybe something happened to him and I will never ever know?

I am meeting some new guy tonight for dinner. Not really a date, maybe in his mind it is...but no idea how to know... its bad to think, maybe just maybe he will pay. But, we started talking this weekend. He seems nice enough, he isn't American, he's Turkish and from Cyprus. I keep thinking in my head about The Turkey. But, I will say Im not going to think all guys will be that much of an ass, except for all the guys I've met thus far.

Hmmm. maybe just guys in general are asses? But then I think of the Hero (even though he broke numerous times in the past, but my gut says he might be able to be my Hero.) And I think about the nice guys I know, maybe not the ones I've dated, but just friends of mine. They are great guys, and why can't I find a guy like that? I want someone who will call me, Im me, email me, want ME. No more broken promises or bullshit lines. I just want my own "Hero"

Does he even exsist?