Christmas is Love

Christmas is about love. Love of good friends and family. Love of two people in love. Love for your parents and your children.

I felt love this Christmas. I felt it and saw it when I looked at my mom and dad, even saw it in there eyes when they looked at each other while passing something across the table, love that is more of the past then of the future.

My brother and his fiance are cute. They make me want to find love like theres, find someone who can truly be my best friend and not someone I hate to love. I see them and want that. I want someone whom I can look at from across the room and with one look know what they are thinking. I want to have little touches when I think no one is looking.

I realized that this weekend, I want love. Maybe not today or tomorrow or even next month, but I deserve to find it . . . someday. I know with Anchorman. We are just having fun. I do sometimes want more . . . but what is more really . . . , is it because I’ve been more intimate with him then most? So, it’s more then that then him. See that what confuses me with him. I am not sure what I feel. I just know that I like him and enjoy spending time with him. But long term? He's allergic to animals . . . that’s a bust right there.

Its frustrating though, to come home and talk about my life with my family. Because in talking about life, you end up mentioning tidbits of this and that, including little anchorman things. Which brings in the questions and "who’s he, and what do you mean? And come on now." Its frustrating, cause there is no future right now with him, there is the just here and now. I'm fine with that and so is he . . . but what about when I watch a movie and see someone that says something he says? Or what about when I see someone walking like he does. What then?

Anyways, I want to find love . . . and not think I'm in love, just because I want the idea of love, or that I'm in love with love.