Half baked...

I was driving home tonight…knowing deep down that this whole thing with Anchorman is officially over. I emailed him a few times today because the plan was for him to come over tonight…but I didn’t hear from him…

SO…does he have a girlfriend? I don’t know…and that pisses me off…makes me sad…who the fuck is this guy that I have spent so much time with in the last few months. Its like the fog has lifted, the bubble has popped…. and I want to know who he is…

I need to send him an email…ending it finally…forever…I know this and that was the conclusion I was making tonight/today anyway…if he came over tonight or didn’t…something had to be done.

I drove home in the freezing cold wondering how my night would go…would he call? Show up? Come on IM? Email? Just come over at 7 like his email yesterday said…

And then…I decided to stop and pick up some Ben and Jerry’s…and get Half Baked…in more ways then one. I also stopped at the library and picked up my book club book, which ironically is “Its Called a Breakup Because Its Broken.”

I arrived home…and took a look at the cover…with my pint in one hand and the book in the other…well I forgot to mention racing upstairs to see one last time if maybe just maybe I would get an email or an IM…but nothing. The cover of the book was a picture of an ice cream container…how funny is that as I looked into my own half-baked goodness?

The book did help me tonight…and so did being half-baked.

It’s funny because to a lot of people I didn’t really have much of anything with this guy…this Anchorman…but I did. That’s what’s hard…and I keep going over and over in my head every moment we spent together…but as I was reading this book…it said that this is normal…but think about all the bad stuff to. That you need to move on and move away…no more contact. I know by listening to his excuse that his Heat was Out, made me back slide into another month of nothingness but some good times and laughter. I forget the times that he says…I need my space…or I don’t like talking on the phone…or I need to go…or I am just too tired. Let alone the other things that he didn’t do for me but did for him… which I made, sure happened every single time…

So its over…officially…and I don’t know if I want to talk about it anymore…maybe because I am embarrassed…or ashamed…. or sad…or broken hearted…all I know is that I want to forget it all. Well not forget but move on…