Its officially over...

SO it’s done...finally over with...and I think I'm mad enough to let it be. I emailed him...

"I cant do this anymore…It bothers me and makes me feel dirty that I know nothing about you…and makes me wonder if u do have a girl friend, fiancé, or wife somewhere waiting. Or maybe you are living at home and are 21 not 26. I don't know and I can't take the not knowing anymore.

I know I was ok with things in the beginning but even FWB are friends…and can I really call you a friend and vice versa? I don't even have your phone number, which you don't want to give me, and made that clear today when I didn't hear from you.

I care more about you then I probably should or thought I would…so I can't do this anymore…cause at the end of the day I want more and I deserve it.

If you change ur mind let me know…or lets just end it and say good luck and it was fun while it lasted."

And then got this in response:

"Yea I know, you're right... good luck... it was wicked fucking HOT and fun while it lasted. But I'm actually under 20, which I gather you realized! But you're awesome and wicked cool and yea... It was great... but yea... it probably should end for good with respect to your below email. You are amazing... and yea... you rock.

We're just in 2 different places. "

So all day I have been freaking...that he was under 20...I went into my head all the talks...all the moments...and it adds up but then it doesn't.

SO, I emailed him asking him what his real age is…and then get this back at 9 tonight…

“It was a joke, I'm 26. Please stop emailing me.”

SO…it’s officially over…and I’m sad and happy about it. I know it wasn’t healthy and I was just going to get hurt in the long run…but I’m sad at what could have been. Will I find a guy who can make me laugh like he can? Or with just a kiss make my knees week…I know this is cliché…but man he does it for me…and I let my guard down with him because of it. I just hope I can find someone who will do what he could and treat me with a little more respect.

I have no idea what to say about what happened and no idea what in the second to last email I got from him is real. I have no idea…and I guess I just don’t care…I do I am lying…but I need to not care…and his last email pissed me off enough to really stop caring…what an ass…