Response to the BBW post...

My recent post below... saw your post... and am very interested... please write if you care to chat or see a pic or two!

;-)

Oh My GOD!!! BBW's R O C K!!!! MWM has new found admiration! - m4w - 39 (Boston west suburbs)

I just had my first BBW experience two months ago... and it was freaking HEAVEN!

Like many men.. I've always been intrigued by Rubenesque shapes ... and only recently learned of Craig's List.. so I took some pictures of myself, posted an ad.. and met a wonderful, sweet young woman... we met a four times... and now I can't stop thinking about BBWs... when I'm shopping, running, just driving in my car.. I now notice all these beautiful large women ...

Unfortunatley.. my young friend went back home for the summer.. and while I hope to see her back in the Fall.. I'd also like to find a special BBW friend for the summer.

I'm 39, tall, in great shape and handsome. I take very good care of myself.. and have some tasteful pics I can share with you.. the "catch"? I am married, and so need discretion.

If you are a BBW seeking a sincere, motivated, patient secret lover.. please write!


* Location: Boston west suburbs

BUT...

Im down today...it seems like I am off and on these days. I am trying to like me...and I do...

Like I like:
My hair...when its not frizzy
I like my passion for what I set my mind to I can do
I love what I do when i can do it
I love boys who compliment...wait this isn't a me thing....
I like ummmm...my height...Ive come to except that I can be cute...when I don't gain weight and for me it shows SO MUCH more then all others.
I like my family.
I like my friends...when I don't get so paranoid that they don't really like me...or that they are mad at me and I don't know if they really are or Im just imagining that they are.
I like that I know I am healthy
I like my eyes
I like the size of my boobs.
I've been told I have a great a s s
I love that I love stories and great movies
I love that I don't let the things other people let get to them get to me
I like that I am a genuinely good person
I like that I am learning to have more time for me...except when i feel like I have become more selfish then Ive ever been this last year. I have never ever broken plans...or just been selfish....every day of my life before this last year was about what everyone else wanted...and never me...if someone thought i would be a cute couple with someone I started to like him because I was told to. I was told to not like someone and I would stop...well externally I did. I was told to smile I did...shit I did...go to a club I did...drink I did...I dont know...I feel like I have been a puppet and finally I am letting the strings go....finally becoming more alive. BUT...

See I always have a but...as in just that list...how many had a but or a when? Exactly...I do know I need to love me before anyone else does. I do love that I can browse all day and just let the sun soak into my pores and the treasures into my hands...but I dont know...I do love me...I guess I just wish someone else would too. I want someone to see what I see when I look at myself everday...I have been trying to look at myself and appreciate the little things on my face and bosy and stop looking at my flaws. I do..I do...

BUT then I see pictures of myself...and what is good there...and as everyone says...a pic is worth a thousand words...and emotions too. So...I used all the bad ones and printed them on the color printer in all these different size...and then laminated them and then proceeded to post them all over my life. In my car...two different places...on the refrigerator ...in my wallet ...on my key chain...on my desk...

So people think this kind of a bad idea...but it kind of works...it makes me stop and question what I am doing...where I am going with who I am. It makes me look at my 4th chin and see that (not the good things like the 30 pounds I have lost this year) ...and not want to eat something I shouldn't...or if I do I only eat a small portion. Or by having it my car...while doing errands I wont be tempted by my emotions or my thought...my pic will make me stop and hopefully think before doing. It also makes me smile from time to time...and I do see all the things I mentioned above...I just got to get to a point where I am being way more positive then i am now...

Princess?

And a response already:

Hi, I think I`m the right guy for you, I can not image you but I`ll like you as you are,kisses princess.

sick of being the third wheel? me 2!

And another ad while I was ad it...I need something to do...and something to ad to this blog...

I have tried the whole online dating thing...and its frustrating cause the majority of guys I have met especially off of CL want just sex...or are married...why is that? To most CL=SEX. I'm not the type of girl to sleep with you on a first date...isn't that what Casual Encounters section is for?

I am also no Paris Hilton...who at the end of the day still cries for mommy. I am me... a size 16... curves and all... but I'm not going to lie and say I'm thin ...its something I have been working on...exercise...being healthy for me not you.

BUT, I love my friends...and movies...and music...my job is amazing...and I just would like someone to share it with...I'm sick of being the third wheel.

So if you have read this far...and are still single...are around my age...send me an email...lets go from there.

BBW?

Here is an ad I put on...cause it annoys me to read these ads...and get no responses to people off of Match and any other online dating thing...so here goes:

Ok...I read these ads when I am bored...and all the guys say they want someone attractive...BUT...here is the thing what is attractive to u might not be to your neighbor...and vice versa...so come on now...right?

And as for BBW or fit...now what do you consider BBW? honestly...I would like to know...cause I KNOW I am not thin...but Im not huge either...I am working my ass off literally to loose...1-2 pounds a week...by both eating healthy and going to the gym. SO...see I am fit...and healthy...

And then you get the so call attractive types...I mean NOT all women are like the Nicole Richie types...but so many women I know who are super thin...are so not healthy...but they are what guys call attractive?

Crushes

Yes I have a few crushes...weird to have them again. For the last year I have been doing the online thing...so when I go out on a date or first meeting...its 100% about being interested or not i the next time...You know without a doubt that its a date however good or bad it is at the time. But when you get crushed on people outside of this realm...how the hell do you know if it could be something or not.

I have some crushes that as I said I am not sure how to move them on to something more or just let them be what they are. Crushes scare me...because I am a wimp...as I said online I can be more forceful and direct...but in person I get all shy and I'm not sure my actions that are magnified in my head are being seen by my so called crush. One crush and I have been hugging allot when we hang out...partly because alcohol is involved...but nothing else has been said to indicate something else is brewing...except I wonder and like the hugs...allot.

The other crush is just that...a crush...I don't think of him at every moment...and I have spent allot of alone time with him...but always somewhere very public...and I wish I could just make a move to see if it could be something more then just a crush...more then my heart that stops at the sound of his voice...but then if I do...there is no delete of an email address or IM...because in this case we have mutual friends and frequent the same get together...so if I am rejected...someone will for sure find out...and then people will be whispering in corners...and laughing when I walk out of a room. I am scared of that...probably scared of rejection then I am if for some reason he may just like me back...

So see...what is more important here? Being rejected or being happy? Its so stupid but I do hate being embarrassed...which I can feel for so long...so I'm not sure what to do...

Part of my problem is my weight once again. i have been working my ass off to loose...25 pounds in a year isn't as good as I wanted it to be...but what can I do? I mean technically that is 1/2 pound a week...which is better then nothing...and in Weight Watchers that is pretty normal. I fit into pants that I couldn't fit into in 4 years last week...which is great. I also got new hipper glasses which I like and makes me more confident...until...

I got some pics taken at work...and it made me sad...I looked at the acne that I have been working on as well...and that doesn't even begin to tell you about the 5 chins i still have. I hate that about myself...I feel like I can lose and lose but my face never deflates...which sucks...cause people see me and see this.

I think about these crushes and wonder if its mutual? But at the end of the day...I still feel like who would really be into me? The one thing I learned this year is that I have had more guys tell me that they would sleep with me but I'm not relationship material...hmmm what does that mean. And since I have only slept with one person my whole life...so we know how this chapter has ended. SO I'm I guess attractive enough for some guy to f-me but not to date me...so then I think about that when I think of my crushes as well. They probably see what I see when I look at those pics...

anyway...I know I need to be less negative I am just not sure how to do that...since I see what I see...and have come to accept it...so maybe I need to accept that someone will come along who likes it or who will live with it and settle...I don't know...I think I have stopped making sense...so I need sleep on this Sunday night...

Will it happen when I least expect it?

I went to see the movie "Broken English", Broken English (2007) is about: Nora Wilder is freaking out. Everyone around her is in a relationship, is married, or has children. Nora is in her thirties, alone with job she's outgrown and a mother who constantly reminds her of it all. Not to mention her best friend Audrey's "perfect marriage". But after a series of disastrous dates, Nora unexpectedly meets Julien, a quirky Frenchman who opens her eyes to a lot more than love.

It was funny to watch her...it creeped me out some to be honest...it was like looking into a mirror...except that she was super thin where i am the exact opposite. But it was creepy...it was like someone read my life history or maybe some of this blog...because it was so true. I guess the best part was that everyone around her was constantly asking her about a boyfriend or when she was going to find someone...i feel like that. I feel like people pity me instead of wanting to set up on blind a date...my luck sucks in that realm i think.

I'm bored and lonely though. I feel like 90% of the people I know are in relationships and are so happy...I hate when people tell you...just wait, it will happen when u least expect it....but how can that be...I have been aloof for 27 years....but in the last year I have put myself out there and have had more action in 9 months then I have had in all my other years combined... but I have been out there...so what if I go into hiding again which I kind have been doing. I have been escaping back to the old me..the one who looks at my crush whoever he may be at the moment and just let him be a crush. I don't make a move to move the crush into something else...which I will Wake up in 5 years not even remembering his name or I will regret never saying anything or never making it obvious. I d make it more obvious then I have in the past...but when i start to make a step forward I pause and take two steps back. I call and leave a few text messages...but when I hear nothing...that stops me from doing anything more...cause if he was interested wouldn't I know it?

Or what about Mr Match and I...who I watched movies with for hours on end with today...and who is sweet enough to remember the little details of my life that even some of my closest friends forget to ask about. I am not sure what I feel there...because is it who he could represent? I wish I could make a move and kiss him just to see...but what if I then lose someone who could be an amazing friend.

I just feel like when everyone around me is hooked up or are in the processof hooking up and once again I am the third wheel...I get kind of pissed and of course sad. More because I want what they have...and I'm sick of being the third wheel all the time...even if I like being single and being by myself...the twinges arrive when i see secrets exchanged...and smiles passed across a room...when I see it I want it...

I guess I have to have faith that it will happen when I least expect it...but the true question is: will it happen when I least expect it?