BUT...

Im down today...it seems like I am off and on these days. I am trying to like me...and I do...

Like I like:
My hair...when its not frizzy
I like my passion for what I set my mind to I can do
I love what I do when i can do it
I love boys who compliment...wait this isn't a me thing....
I like ummmm...my height...Ive come to except that I can be cute...when I don't gain weight and for me it shows SO MUCH more then all others.
I like my family.
I like my friends...when I don't get so paranoid that they don't really like me...or that they are mad at me and I don't know if they really are or Im just imagining that they are.
I like that I know I am healthy
I like my eyes
I like the size of my boobs.
I've been told I have a great a s s
I love that I love stories and great movies
I love that I don't let the things other people let get to them get to me
I like that I am a genuinely good person
I like that I am learning to have more time for me...except when i feel like I have become more selfish then Ive ever been this last year. I have never ever broken plans...or just been selfish....every day of my life before this last year was about what everyone else wanted...and never me...if someone thought i would be a cute couple with someone I started to like him because I was told to. I was told to not like someone and I would stop...well externally I did. I was told to smile I did...shit I did...go to a club I did...drink I did...I dont know...I feel like I have been a puppet and finally I am letting the strings go....finally becoming more alive. BUT...

See I always have a but...as in just that list...how many had a but or a when? Exactly...I do know I need to love me before anyone else does. I do love that I can browse all day and just let the sun soak into my pores and the treasures into my hands...but I dont know...I do love me...I guess I just wish someone else would too. I want someone to see what I see when I look at myself everday...I have been trying to look at myself and appreciate the little things on my face and bosy and stop looking at my flaws. I do..I do...

BUT then I see pictures of myself...and what is good there...and as everyone says...a pic is worth a thousand words...and emotions too. So...I used all the bad ones and printed them on the color printer in all these different size...and then laminated them and then proceeded to post them all over my life. In my car...two different places...on the refrigerator ...in my wallet ...on my key chain...on my desk...

So people think this kind of a bad idea...but it kind of works...it makes me stop and question what I am doing...where I am going with who I am. It makes me look at my 4th chin and see that (not the good things like the 30 pounds I have lost this year) ...and not want to eat something I shouldn't...or if I do I only eat a small portion. Or by having it my car...while doing errands I wont be tempted by my emotions or my thought...my pic will make me stop and hopefully think before doing. It also makes me smile from time to time...and I do see all the things I mentioned above...I just got to get to a point where I am being way more positive then i am now...