Mr. Mobil and I as friends

Mr Mobil and I talked today.

Me: ur more then welcome to join (about something im doing tonight)
Mr Mobil: haha, thank you, i should...
ME: most of us dont know each other, its always a mismatch
Mr Mobil: good, then u can tell them im your boyfriend!,just messin with ya
ME: haha im not ready for that
Mr Mobil: i know KT
Mr Mobil: lol
ME: well u can come if u want, its at 8:30
Mr Mobil: thanks, im flattered
Mr Mobil: i cant though, im too neurotic
ME: why? it helps to get out and meet people, u gonna stay home all the time :)
Mr Mobil: u saw how terrified i was to meet u, imagine a group of people?
ME: haha i know---but u never go out?
Mr Mobil: i wouldnt say never, i get out once in a while. As soon as i increse my dosage of prozac you'll be the first one i call
ME: haha ok, just saying---i used to be super nervous, getting used to groups helped me
Mr Mobil: why u really like me?
ME: i dont know yet---its hard for me---i need to be friends with someone first-- i get nervous and shy too. Its hard for me to like like someone until i know them i know that sounds dumb
Mr Mobil: ok, thats cool hon...
ME: we can be friends and see where it goes---cause i need lots of time, lol
Mr Mobil: that doesnt sound dumb to me at all, only fools rush in
ME: i guess, so yea friends is what im looking for for right now---i that makes sense
Mr Mobil: of course
ME: ok
Mr Mobil: youre succesful- u dont just jump into relationship with just anybody haha
ME: yea i guess, i dont know, i just want it to be right---so i tell most people i meet the last few months that i need friends more then something more. It will happen when its ready
Mr Mobil: exactly

I dont know if he is upset or not...but I dont want him to think that I am ready for more then what I am.

My Mr Mobil Date

I met Mr. Mobil tonight…I have no idea what to feel. It sucks cause all I am thinking right now is… I miss Anchorman, and dumb as it seems The Hero.

Its dumb and weird…since last night I realized I DON’T CARE for Anchorman…not in the way your suppose to care…but I do want him more then Mr. Mobil and I just cant help but compare the two.

We met at a bar about halfway between the two of us. I actually arrived a little early and went inside to find a seat. I had told him earlier today that I'm low on money…and as I waiting…he calls to tell me he is outside, but… he forgot his wallet. No fuckin money. You got to be kidding me…he lives 25-40 min away, no way was he going home now…unless this first date was over before it even began. But I do wonder how you can forget your wallet… maybe he was just so nervous he walked out without it? No idea…only god knows I guess.

So he comes in and comes toward me and gives me a hug…it was sweet. He looked older then 28…maybe it’s the rough life…or maybe I am just older…and 28 looks like 28. He was so nervous. He was kind of shaking and wouldn’t look at me…but then he would and he would smile and say

“Wow, you are so beautiful”

“How can you still be single?”

“You are sooo smart”

“How has no one grabbed you by now, you must be shy, it’s the only thing”

I think he told me I was great at least 10 times. Which is great for my ego…but what do I say? This went on for the next hour and a half…2 - 2.00 bud lights and a small pizza (which could have fed one of us, let alone both). I am so low on money…that it was the only option. I wish we had only one beer to be honest…but when he said yea I’ll have another…what was a girl to do?

It kind of makes me laugh…cause yesterday a friend and I were laughing about a comment I had made during The Harvard date, “He was nice, didn’t pay... so friends it is.” What about this date? Since I’m paying for it all, let alone just mine.

Well, we talked about movies, and some TV, and other things at random…with him at times saying,”This is just what the Dr ordered, me getting out of the house.”

I tried to see if he was interested in going back to school…if it was even in his future…he seemed embarrassed to be where he is…to be Mr. Mobil. But no one can help him but him…you know?

He did say, “if you were my girlfriend, maybe things could happen…maybe things would be better and I could move onto something new.” I am not sure how I feel about that. I am not sure I want that kind of responsibility. I have such a hard time living day to day for ME, let alone someone else. And when I find someone to build a relationship with…I want someone who is strong enough to deal with himself without needing me to be that safety net for him. Does that make sense?

On my ride home my gas light came on and now, thanks to paying for dinner I have 3 bucks left until thursday. Not a good shape to be in...a little scarry... thank god a friend is going to give me some money. Thanks A...

He has already called me tonight…and came online to make sure I was ok. Interesting…makes me worry some. I told my mom and A that I might see him again, I might give him the benefit of the doubt, that maybe he was just nervous. BUT, at the same time…I don’t want to give him false hope…cause I’m not sure…I’m just not sure. I don’t know, what if he becomes to attached…calls more then he should…and I don’t know. I am just not sure what the next step with Mr. Mobil will be…I guess we shall see.

Start of Mr Mobil

I have been talking to another guy. Yes I know, another one…it never seems to end… but in some ways maybe this is a good thing. Makes me know I still have some hope. Makes me realize I do not care as much for Anchorman as I did at one time. Makes me smile, dumb as it seems. Makes me smile and hope…that someday I will find some guy that can be my best friend as well as my lover.

I have been talking to this one for a few days, talked to him on the phone last night actually. He’s really sweet so far…he called me yesterday just to tell me he liked me and can’t wait to meet me. It was nice to here… but as I’ve learned I’m not getting attached until I know his true intentions. BUT, he does seem sweet and into me…

I wonder though sometimes…when they are too into me in the beginning what someone is really feeling. As I said…what is the real intention here? Is it because I have no confidence in myself and don’t think anyone should be THAT into me…not at first anyway? Or is it all the horror stories of someone being just too nice, and it never is as good as it seems? Or is it because he is desperate for a girl, any girl, who cares if its me ME, just any girl who actually showed an intrest, he would be into. Or maybe, just maybe he is true and I should just be happy that he is into me. Who knows?

We are supposed to be meeting tomorrow night. He has tomorrow off. We might do pizza and beer…that will be nice. He even called tonight…just to make sure we still had plans… a nice surprise. So one of my little things is, I know I know this is bad of me…but I want to date someone who is driven by his career. Maybe its because for the last 20 years, my whole life has been career…career…career. So, it’s hard for me to imagine working at a gas station. Yes…he works for Mobil.

Not that there is ANYTHING wrong with blue-collar jobs, someone has to do it. But, I just want more that’s all. I don’t want to struggle all my life for things I cant have. I want to travel and be able to breath living day to day. All my life I hold my breath and live pay check to pay check…and I don’t want this to be something I live with for the rest of my life. I am so not a materialistic person…I just don’t want to struggle forever. But, Mr. Mobil thinks I’m way out of his league…and it SUCKS…because how can I be so superficial that I wonder, am I?

How can I worry that guys don’t like the look of me when maybe I am doing the same thing? SO I am giving him the benefit of the doubt and trying this…we shall see what happens…. I’ll fill you in after my first date tomorrow night.