We will see

Life is interesting....

Here I am freaking about a guy...and my step mom is getting worse. I thought she was doing better....she was doing better...or so we thought.

On Saturday my dad called with news that she was put in the hospital. I had a wedding to go to so I couldn't exactly deal with it then...and to be honest I needed a distraction. My dad informed me to stay here and wait until my scheduled time to go...which is a week from today actually. SO...I decided they could all use me more then then right now...I would be going more for my peace of mind then anyone Else's.

She is conscious again....but cant talk...is smiling and aware of people...not sure if she is actually comprehending things.

Its sad...and I am not sure how to deal with it all...I'm scared to go down there next week...it is going to be so hard. The last trip she had aged 10 years in 6 weeks...and this trip I bet she has aged another 20...she has lost weight from the sounds of it...I am also worried about my dad. I dont know what to say to him to make him feel better. I know there is nothing I can do but be there and be supportive...its just I wish I could take away his pain. I wish he didn't have to go through this....well no one for that matter. I hate seeing people in pain...especially someone I love.

I have been talking to Mr BeBe still, even some texts here and there...with one from him at 12:30 in the morning on Saturdays. I get mixed signals from him...but I guess I am at the point of really and truly moving on. I need someone who wants to be with me...and like me...even as a friend. I also need friends right now that can be supportive and understand or at least listen to what I am going through. Me being me...I feel guilty telling people my pain...I don't want to depress them...so I keep it bottled up. As a friend said last night...its me who is sad and going through this...not the people I talk to...they feel bad and are hear to listen, but me talking about it isn't going to make them depressed. SOO...I need friends and people in my life who can be there for me...when I need it.

I do believe F@ck EM'...if you don't like me for what I say...screw it...If you don't like the way I smile...then find someone else to make laugh...If you don't like me...move on...

So as for Mr BeBe I am moving on...if he wants to be my friend...he needs to make the effort to hang out...not say "We will see"

As for the "We will see" in my real like....well life is to short as I am realizing intimately at the moment...so I want to be seen...and not be a "we will see"