I get responses from people which I LOVE....don't get me wrong...but sometimes people say things that I have never said I didn't need help with. for example:
"I said that you'd blame your lack of confidence/over thinking stuff, as the reason for why this might not work out, and why the guy might not have been into you. Take responsibility for your actions." I have said this yes....but its true...is it not...this is my insecurities and I have said this over and over again that I need to work on this...and have been...this is something I can't close my eyes...take a pill...and change...Damn I have working on this for 29 years...and in the last year and a half I have come a LONG ways...
As for "his didn't 'just happen' you made it happen. You decided to date, you decided to go out with someone, you decided to get wrapped up in the whole thing.Like you said, you're dating to boost your self confidence." I didn't want someone for those reasons alone...I want someone I can have fun with and laugh with...I want someone who I have confidence that this is someone I KNOW wants me enough to stick around and I can be me...i want to have fun and go on day trips with someone...I want to call someone at the last minute and say come over and just hold me. Is that just my "self confidence?"
"Start liking you first lay off the dating for a while, and learn to like you." Isn't this what I said last Post?? And haven't I said this numerous times in the last few months...trust me...I like me much more then I did last year at this time...but I cant change it over night as I said...this is something I am working...something I am trying to figure out...
As I said I appreciate peoples feedback...its just hard sometimes to get things that I feel like I am working on and am trying to figure out. I KNOW THIS STUFF....I just don't know how to do it...if I did don't you think I would be an amazing person by now...since I am 29....I mean this is something I have dealt with since I was 8 years old...I have issues with being accepted and feeling as if someone needs to like me...I know this and am trying to fight the habit.
I don't need to explain myself anymore...cause I am doing what I am trying to break...please people that read this thing...just know this is something I know and I do appreciate feedback...but understand even though I get comments...its something I am working on figuring out...and if I knew how...as I said I wouldn't be having these issues.
1 comment:
I feel that you're a person who's trying really hard to make a lot of positive changes is her life, but the habits you have, the self pity, the self doubt– these are things that you default to. I don't claim to know why, and I know that you've already said 'I have these habits'. I want to give you the honest feedback to try and point it out when you do it. When you fall into the rut of self indulgence and self pity.
I do feel that it's self indulgent, because it's harder to fight those feelings than it is to give in to them. It's harder to establish a new habit, than it is to give into the old one. That's why I keep saying that it's hard work. And you keep saying that too.
You mentioned how you 'need friends now more than anything'. Friends try to help you see stuff that you might be missing. It's tough to hear people say things so bluntly–but sometimes that's the only way to make sure that it 'sticks'.
You've said that you're having issues with self confidence. But when it's pointed out why you might be having those issues, and how you keep getting yourself into situations that aren't helping your issue– you fire back with 'I appreciate the feedback, but I can't change over night, and I'm trying to figure out why this keeps happening.
I'm not saying that you haven't already 'said this', or that you don't already 'feel this way'– I'm saying I think so too, and that you might want to re-double your efforts in that area.
You know what and what situations make you feel shitty, you know what's going on– you know it's hard to change. Don't imply or try to re-inforce a feeling helplessness here, by saying that you're trying to 'figure it out'. It's my opinion that you actions speak louder than words– and that each time you slip into a situation that makes you feel shitty, that you didn't actually 'slip into it'– but instead that you made decisions that played as much of a role in it as any external forces.
You are doing a good job here, and you'll do even better, the more personal responsibility you take for your current situation, and the less you focus on 'trying to figure it out'.
You have it figured out, you know the things that trigger it, you know the things to do, or not do. You just need to listen to that, and not get so tied up in the 'if he doesn't call what does it all mean' junk.
Are my comments direct? Are they blunt? Yes. I'm trying to be honest with you, and not let you get back into a cycle of 'wondering why something didn't work out', as though your issues are an unsolvable crossword puzzle or something. I want you to focus on the things that you do know, instead of focusing on the things that you can't ever know.
I don't pity you, I don't look down my nose at you, I don't feel bad for you, and I'm not in any way trying to 'pick' on you. I see the person you could be, the person you say you want to be, the person you have the potential to be.
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