What is the time to wait for someone after a second date? I know he is busy...cause he has two jobs...as do I...so both are busy...I asked if he was having fun Thursday night...and his response to work was "busy." I didn't contact him friday...and did text today just saying hi and do u work tomorrow. He texted back...saying he was at friends in NH...and that yes he had to work tomorrow. I then texted back: "was gonna see if u wanted 2 get a drink or something tomorrow night...or another time if u have to work late :)" That was this afternoon and I havent heard back.
He said he didn't want games...so I just thought I would see...now me being me...I worry that maybe I shouldn't...maybe I am crowding him...but its not like I texted him 20 times in 2 days...right? or am I nuts all together. BUT...if he doesn't respond what does that mean? Does that mean he isn't interested? Im torn...one part of me says...hmmm I did leave it open ended and I guess...saying another time if you have to work late...I guess maybe he has to work late.
I bought the book "he is just not that into you", it totally makes sense and it made me feel better about everything...if he isnt into me the so be it...Ill move on. In the book it says if he is really into me will call...OK....sooooo does him not calling/texting back a response mean he isnt?
I know I am analyzing this to death...I just dont want to do something that could be voided...I can move on if he isnt interested...Ill feel rejected sure...but Ill move on as always.
I am confused...I think I might be better alone. Its funny because I want someone...I am lonely and it would be nice to see his or a smile that is just for me across a room of friends...I just want someone to hold my hand...but then I go through this...and crying after the second date? I KNOW its my insecurities...its not him...but how can I up this once and for all so I can have fun instead of freaking.
I just think that I have been burned so many times after the second date that I am freaking out...
1 • Dr Jekyl was playing games right after the first date...and finally after the second I knew this wasn't going to work.
2 • The Turkey...it was technically the second date where I freaked on him and started laughing...and couldn't even kiss him...and he freaked (deja vu from the other night?)
3 • Anchorman...he freaked after the second as well....and ended things...which made me think I should have just ended it then and there...why did I fight for a third? Maybe...if things r like this with Al...maybe its better now then later...right? Doesn't feel like that at the moment though...
4 • Mr Festive...we met and then hung out the second time...and I lost touch with him after that...I had such fun with him too...I miss hearing from him...
5 • Mr Match...he ended things after the second as well. Him saying at the end...“I had a really great time tonight, but I just don’t see this going anywhere.” I mean we are still friends...but nothing more then that.
So see these 5...I felt something for at one time or another...and out of all the dates...these 5 hit something that none of the others did. AND all ended it after the second.
So as I said...I am not sure when I should feel like maybe this isn't making sense...and as Greg says in "he just isn't that into you." he will let you know if he is interested...I am not sure...when I will know. And how much of all this is me being paranoid and how much of is it my intuition telling me something...something real.
IF IF IF...I am being right on this...god I hope its only a thought and not real...I guess if me laughing...I feel like that is what did it...it made me look like a dork...someone who isn't confident as well know is true...but maybe that turned him off...I don't know...or maybe the whole date didn't go as I wanted it to. He did smile at me allot and he did lean in close from time to time...but he also had his hands across his chest through most of the movie...see I am not sure what is real and what isn't. I am not being down to get sympathy here...its just 1. my insecurities showing. 2. my past not leaving me alone. 3. I have no way of knowing when to give in and give up.
I know I need some therapy...cause damn it...I might even sabotage this because I am so insecure...which right now I feel like I am doing...
3 comments:
You aren't sabotaging anything– except your self confidence, which you'll then turn around and use as an excuse as for why this guy didn't like you, which will make you less confident...it's a vicious cycle, and it will only stop when you put less emphasis on other folks and what they think of you.
You're a good person, but you put yourself into situations where you turn into a wreck. You know this...but you do it anyway.
Think about the person you want to be, and WORK HARD to be that person. Don't let anything keep you from being that person.
Do you want to be an oversensitive, emotionally distraught, self conscious person? No? I didn't think so. This guy didn't make you that way, you are.
Emotions are like little kids, sure, they act out every so often, but a little discipline goes a long way. You don't want to feel shitty? Then work hard at encouraging yourself, work hard at keeping your focus, work hard at getting your focus on you, and off of 'him'- whichever 'him' you happen to be thinking of at the moment. It's hard work, but the pay off is well worth it.
So this guy is nice, and if he wants to hang out, great– if he doesn't...then fine, move on. There's really only 2 things in dating, confidence and numbers. Stop wasting so much time on the guys that are losers (matchmaking-ly speaking there's not a damn thing that makes this one any more or less special than the last) and go on to the next. As your own reactions to these guys proves– it's what YOU think about them that makes them special, it really doesn't have much to do with them. YOU build them up in your head, YOU focus on how much you like them, YOU focus on how concerned you are about what they thing of you.
Go out on dates, have a good time, but until work on you liking you, until you get your head screwed on in a way that you like– you're not going to project the self confidence that can and will help you attract the people you want to be with. Work on you being you, work on doing the things you want to do, look into activities and hobbies that you might have put off learning, and focus on being the person you want to be.
You get your stuff straight-and play the numbers...mark my words– the rest will follow.
"""except your self confidence, which you'll then turn around and use as an excuse as for why this guy didn't like you"""
I have never blamed the guy... or used that as an excuse... if I sounded like that I apoligize...and I know for a fact that I am insecure and know that I need help with this...this is something I have never said I wasn't...just something I am/have been dealing with. I do know I use guys to boost my self confidence and had spent the last few months NOT dating to work on this...and really had gotten better...but then this happened and I freaked. What if he isnt into me...and so on and so forth...and you are right it is a cycle.
I didn't say you blamed the guy, I said that you'd blame your lack of confidence/over thinking stuff, as the reason for why this might not work out, and why the guy might not have been into you.
Take responsibility for your actions– this didn't 'just happen' you made it happen. You decided to date, you decided to go out with someone, you decided to get wrapped up in the whole thing.
Like you said, you're dating to boost your self confidence.
Does that sound like the kind of person you'd want to date– someone who dates to feel better?
You want to find someone you like– who likes you back? Start liking you first– lay off the dating for a while, and learn to like you.
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