Will I or wont I?

Its been a few since I wrote in this...I am just not sure what to write about these days..Im not really seeing anyone...no more then usual...but I haven't been on a date since...god 3-4 months...well I do have a date on here huh...we will have to see.

I am exhaunsted...but here it is 11:20 and I am writing on here. I think I am writing acually to get things out and maybe I will get tired...since I need to be up at 6...to be into work early...

I am happy tonight...which might change by tomorrow...for right now...Im content. I am fine being alone...although yea it can be lonely at times...but I guess I just need to find more friends to do things with...like do brunch with more often...I used to with some friends...but havnt heard about it in a few...but I miss that...I miss having some great friends I can depend on...dont get me wrong...I do have good friends...just sometimes I could use a few more :)

I do think sometimes maybe I need to get on the band wagon again...Im afraid Ill turn into the old me...or maybe I already have...where I am nervous around guys who i could be into...more because I think they r not into me...and if they r...what do I do?

I am just busy and just dont trust anyone online at the moment...I know I should be going out and meeting people...just how do u do that? Bus? I am very standoffish in stores and buses...and as for joining groups...I have been trying to meet more people to hang out with. I just dont have tons of money to do events with meetin.org or bostonlinkup. They are fun...just seems like alot of the events cost something or other...and alot of the time i would love to go...i just dont have the extra funds...

But anyway...I do need to meet real people...cause I while I think the internet is good in some ways...in otheres I cant see it. I just dont trust that they like me...they are just looking for sex...they are not attracted to me (cause lets face it Im no beauty queen). I am not sure what will happen...will I or wont I?