I have def been trying to go out more... meet new people. It has been fun at times and other times, the drama can be annoying. When you meet people... you know that everyone there is there to meet others as well. As I meet new people, it can be frustrating because I feel like I am back in high school. I guess I feel like I am 30 and been through this before. I am not in the mood to do this all over again 15 years later. I know who I am and what interests me... so why do I feel like this? I guess its the problem I have rather then others. I see people and only expect the best... and not everyone is really doing what they do with best intentions... they are there to have fun... whatever way that may be. As I look around the bars or parties I think about that... and I guess that is what you see in the movies and on TV... people having fun... and if they are bored they figure out a way to have fun... whatever that may entail.
I have had a rough few weeks... work... friends... family. Not much is going right to be honest... and what do I do about it? I could lie in bed with my heated blanket over my head or I could just keep on moving. I went to the mountains this weekend... I sat around with my mom and just had a nice relaxing time. I didn't have to talk to anyone... or see anyone... it was the best place for me to be. I have had time to think... the good and the ugly... which can be good and bad. I came to a lot of conclusions, one is not taking people's BS anymore. I guess its more that the BS is what they do when they want to have fun or the be in power. I let people walk over me...
I have hit a wall though... I can't do it anymore. Has anyone seen the movie "Run, Fat Boy, Run"? Well in the movie they mention hitting a wall when running and your body just stops... you literally feel like you have hit a wall. That is me... I am done being nice to people. Sure, I am not going to be a bitch... more that I am not giving anyone the time of day until they give me the same.
I am amazed that people can do things to hurt other people. If they are being catty and talking about someone behind there back... or if they are lieing to get attention... or maybe they are laughing right in your face and you allow it to happen... over and over again. That is, until my bright red wall that I just hit... with bright white letters that say in all caps STOP!
No more feeling like shit because someone is telling stories about me to anyone who will listen. I am 30 not 13 and want to live my life for what is important... nothing more... nothing less... because who is the most important person in my life? that is right... me... and I am going to live for me and me only...
OK... I am going off on tangents and am not sure what I am trying to say... more that I am standing up straight and am not looking back or down ever again.
