More Positive!

Crushes huh… I am not sure if I do that anymore… have crushes… I guess the Surfer is a crush… others are maybe’s. It’s hard to explain… but I meet people… and I don’t know… they are single… I am single… and I just wonder. It’s an I don’t know you well enough to like you… so it’s a maybe. Sure he is cute… and can make me laugh… but I just don’t know. Or then there is ‘what do I really have in common with you?’ I spend time with these guys and wonder… what to talk about… how to bring up subjects that aren’t to personal but are more then the weather. I feel like this is it in a nutshell… Not sure how to act… how to act interested but not desperate, how to act interested while keeping in mind… do I really truly “like” this guy or is it because he is a cutey, but could I stand him every day. And then I think again… what would I talk to him about then if it is this hard to talk to him now… rather then when I know everything and run out of things to say.

I have issues with the balance of it all. And just the game it is. How do you show that they are a maybe… without showing to much… without asking them out… how do you wink without looking like there is something wrong with your eye… how do you do it? I get confused… what is the right way? The wrong?

I know that everyone says just do what your gut says… but… what happens when the gut changes by the day… one minute is a def maybe… the day before it was hmmmm… then another day is hells no… while others are just a maybe…

Maybe I am desperate…
Maybe he is?
Maybe he acts like this with everyone…
Maybe it’s all in my head…
Maybe he is thinking eeew what is she doing?
Maybe he is thinking… god would she just leave… and stop talking
Maybe he see’s the twitching I am trying to hide…

Now this isn’t just one guy… this is multiple… which means I am doing ok… cause a lot of people I know are maybe’s. I remember this of friends of my past… the multiple… and only a few developed into anything… and these friends were ok with themselves. Maybe they were better at this then I am… thinking the positive more then the negative. I have been working on the positive!