And he isnt...and neither am I

So I ended it with Mr BeBe tonight. I couldn't handle it anymore. He was online cause he had the flu...and I do feel bad...but I mentioned hanging out and he didn't bite...so I just said I cant do this anymore. He himmed and hahhed saying if that is what I want. I was like no its not but I cant be an afterthought. I want to have someone be interested enough to pick up the phone at least. He said I guess that's why I am still single... cause I am an ass and I made you uncomfortable. I was like what? I basically said call me when the holidays are over if you really are interested. SO...I think its for the best. Every time he is online or texts its like he is saying...I'm busy but don't forget about me. And its working. I cant move on if he is here and in my mind and heart. I need out of site out of mind.

What sucks is that I liked him...a lot...now its gonna be hard to find someone new to like that much. And then I get worried about finding someone else and getting hurt again. I sometimes feel like it might be easier to date someone who I am comfortable with and not necessarily with someone I have the hots for. Cause if that doesn't work out I'm not crushed...but then I get scared of that as well. Cause comfort is great but its also easy and before you know it you are celebrating your 25th wedding anniversary and the following day he is leaving you for his co-worker...since both of you are not in love...you love him but were never in love with him.

So its a toss up...whats more important? Whats right for me? I'm scared anyway I look at it...I just know I liked how Anchorman and Mr BeBe made me feel but at the same time I hated it. So whats better the roller coaster ride or the even level. I do know that maybe someday someone will be both for me. Its the in between that's hard...the part of dating until I find the one...I just am not sure how many more tears I can deal with.

I am happy I made this decision though...I just cant do it...and this was a step in the right direction...maybe it took longer then some...but I loved me enough this time to do what was right...and that at least makes me happy...