Home is where the heart

My 5 resolutions this were:
1. Be happy!
2. Smile everyday
3. Gym 2-4 times a week
4. Keep losing weight
5. Enjoy being single… learn to live life with no regrets.

Hmm am I doing these? I think so actually… I have had a pretty good year so far. I haven’t been dating… so I haven’t been worrying about that… so that is one thing… so that means I answered number 1 + 5. I def smile everyday (2)… even if I have to smoke to prove it. As for as losing weight and gym…. I have been working on it… that I might not hit the gym…. I do do exercise…. And I did join the biggest loser contest at the gym!

I went to a sort of impromptu 9-year reunion last weekend. It was fun… and great to see everyone’s smiling faces. I love remembering how we used to be… how things have changed but also had stayed the same.

I talked about my job… since that is the first thing everyone asks. What do I say? How it’s so great to even have one in these rough times. That it sucks some days so much I want to walk back… and get in my silver jetta… and drive right to Vermont. Leave my attic room goodbye and never look back. Maybe I would be ok with that… maybe that my dream of an amazing job with an amazing family at home is more then working with universal or jet blue… its just about being happy and respected. Maybe going home on time to a family who loves me… maybe that is ok… maybe its ok to say my dreams have changed, but I guess that is the thing isn’t it? How can I do that with no family? Why leave early when I have no one to leave early for? Everyone knows this… everyone knows that I don’t… so my work is my life.

No one asks you how your friends are? I was just thinking about catching up with people… and honestly? What do I say? I’m not going to say oh yea the other day I found out two of my friends are having an affair? Who cares? Or that my cousin makes me want to shake her like you would a crying child. I am not going to say… yea I come home to an attic room… a room that is just mine and my cats. Do you know what cat litter close up smells like… no matter how clean your cat is… you in a nutshell have your cat’s bathroom right in your room… your life is in this one little room.

What else do I have? Friends? Hmm… yea I hung out with my roommate the other day and went to the mall… found Ann Taylor Jeans for 11.95! I mean who cares right?

But my job… now that at least I know something about. I won’t say that I am dismissed everyday… I won’t talk about respect and day-to-day stuff. I’ll just say I am living my dream! Designing for Universal… for Dunkin Donuts… I mean come on! The 22-year-old interns are envious of me… and all I want to do is go home. But hey… they are national clients… no job is perfect! That’s why we call it work!

I said in my college graduation that my dream was to be working with national clients. I never thought about how I would feel once I got there. That I still feel like a nobody… that I just want to go home.

Home is where the heart is after all.