Mr Artsy is Kaput

Mr. Artsy and I are finished…Kaput. I am not sure what happened really…just no chemistry I guess. He said,

"well I was thinking about that. And I think it would be best if we didn't because I don't feel a real connection, ya know? that is, there not much of a mutal personality volley or compatibility. I really don't want it come come across harsh 'cause you're a nice woman."

…hmm is he gay? LOL just kidding…

It was sad sort of to have him say he wasn’t interested. I am not sure why that makes me sad since I wasn’t so sure on him anyway…he did live at home…didn’t own a car…and his mom still cooks him dinner on a daily basis. So…there were a lot of things pointing to not a great match in the superficial areas…let alone the spark that just wasn’t there.

He was sweet and nice…and we did have some things in common…but overall I was just kind of bored with him…I didn’t laugh the way I want to. I didn’t really think about him and get those butterflies at the sight of him or at the IM that would come across my screen.

SO its ok, and I am ok…I think I am not over Anchorman as dumb as that seems…but I want what we had…but just outside of the bedroom as well as inside. With Anchorman I laugh until my stomach hurts, and I never feel self-conscious when I with him…not really.

SO, at the end of the day Mr. Artsy was more of a friend then anything else. I did say that to him…that I felt more like we were friends…and would like to continue in that respects… and he said, “No, I would rather not.”

Hmmm, I did get sad at that…I got sad at loosing a friend that could have been great…I am sad at the dreams that once again will not happen with him…that’s ok…Ill be ok…cause I just want to find someone who I am attracted to, someone who I can laugh with and at, and most of all will treat me the way I SHOULD be treated.

The Lawyer came clean

I have decided once and for all to be done with CL. I have said this in the past…but it just doesn’t end well…and I cant take it anymore…the lies…the sex…the rock and roll?

SO, I have mentioned The Lawyer a time or two on here…how he seems so nice and sweet…and how last week I stood him up…

Well we had plans to go to lunch today. And me being to busy, we decided to reschedule…but only certain times that he could meet.

Hmmm…I started thinking about our past conversations…

“I am single too, I live in Brighton, and I am 28 years old...you”

But in a previous conversation he said he was 27…and then in the past few weeks…he never ever mentioned Brighton again. SO see…questions are starting to arise.

Especially when he asked me a few days ago if I would ever date a married man…his response was because he dated a married women once and was curious. Hmmm yea.

So today…all these thoughts are swirling in my head and I asked for like the 10th time if he was married. He played a trick on me…saying he was some “fiancé” checking her email on his computer, and “what are you doing with my man.” I decided after all this…that the signs are all fitting into place. He had to be married…why else would he be acting like this. He wont tell me where he lives…he doesn’t have a phone number he says…why not? His wife might find out?

AND saying:
"okay so just for the sake of argument....assuming I am involved...you still wouldn't date me....although let's say, dating me and being together would be a lot of fun?....hypothetically speaking:)"

or

"well...hypothetically speaking....if you know that we are together just to have a great time...lets say 1 year or so.....if u never acpected anything from the beginning...it would be just as a regular relationship....no??" His response being: "I am just making conversation, you are so easily influenced"

SO, after telling me he was seeing someone…and me saying…all I want is someone who is honest…I want you to be honest with me.

He finally came clean…

The Lawyer is married.

SO, no more CL…he was the last guy that I was going to meet from there…and he broke it. I can’t take it anymore…at least with Mr. Artsy we got to third date before he even kissed me. Match is hard because no one emails or winks at me…I still am not sure as to why…but I guess time will tell…maybe one person a month is doable…

SO, The Lawyer is married…what an ass.

My Match

Ok any feedback is helpful: this is my profile on Match...still only one real guy that I am in touch with in a Month...and that is Mr Artsy...so help?

I have my own life and career, but I would love for you to come along for the ride. I know I’m not Paris Hilton…but I am me. I am smart, funny and LOVE to laugh. I want someone who can enhance my life without being my life.

I have been doing the career world, letting me live in five states in just over five years…Albany NY, Burlington VT, Charlotte NC, Atlanta Ga and I am now in Boston… hopefully to stay.

I loved Burlington- Lake Champlain took my breath away every morning…even if it was a little cold at times…but made me realize how much I love the mountains and lakes and nature.

Living in the South was interesting…something I never would have thought would be such a culture shock…crossing the big divide. I liked it though…staying at 65 during February was a nice change…but in the summer and sweating in air conditioning kind of sucked. I was a Yankee…and def never understood a true Southern Bell. It takes me 30 minutes to get ready, not two hours.

But, Boston…this had been a favorite. I love walking through the commons...or seeing the city lights at night. It’s a great place to live…I love the people and the sites…the history… and I love seeing and learning something new at every corner.

I want to live life to the fullest and have fun doing it. I’m shy, but can be the loudest one at the party. I can do a shot with the best of them…a beer with great taste…or a strong stiff drink. I am more of a pub girl verses a club girl. I love going to a new restaurant or trying a Phantom Gourmet favorite. I love sushi, Thai, Indian, a great burrito (something I learned from the south).

I love going to the movies…something to loose myself for a few hours…although reading does the same. I don’t mind watching a movie at home...if I have someone to enjoy it with. From Old School to 12 Monkeys to Walk the Line…I can watch any movie once.

I love my friends and family, and I am the most loyal person you will meet, the best friend you will have. Obviously from the statement above, I am a genuine person. I hope to find someone who can appreciate all I have to offer.

Maybe that’s you?

Not sure...

I met up with Mr. Artsy for the third time…he came over to my place and watched the Oscars with a friend and I. It was nice…he followed me into the kitchen when we were going to order pizza and said “come ‘ere” and then hugged and kissed me. It was nice enough, but have I mentioned that he is 6’6” and I am 5’3”…yea that’s over a foot taller…not so easy…

We watched the Oscars and eventually he held my hand again…it was nice…when my friend left he kissed me…we did that for awhile…it was nice…it was fun…until we realized it was 11:33 and he had to still go on the T to go home…so we raced to the T stop…

I still wonder about him…is he in the closet? LOL…I even asked my friend what she thought…

“Oh my god, I can't believe you said that, because I wasn't going to, but I totally thought upon first impressions that he is in the closet!!! Certain things, like the way he walks, talks, mannerisms.... who knows.... that is really funny!!”

So, I just don’t know…I guess only time will tell…he is sweet and nice…I just am not sure yet.

Mr Artsy: 2nd time

I met up with Mr. Artsy tonight…wasn’t even a planned event actually. I was at work…needing a beer and wanting to go to trivia…what a day I had had. All my friends were busy…

So I asked Mr. Artsy to go with me…and he said yes. I picked him up at the Harvard Stop…and got lost on back roads trying to find trivia. We got there...rushed inside...and couldn’t even stand without being pushed by someone or other. It was so crowded…and no seats for 45 min…I needed a beer and now! SO, we decided to give up on trivia and go down the street.

We got to the second bar of the night and went inside…me drinking a black and blue…and him a Sam Adams. We split 1/2-price nachos and talked. Well I talked…he is a nice guy…but doesn’t talk a lot. I am not sure what to say or think about him…the silence is not too comfortable. Will it be once I spend more time with him? I am just not sure…
I just wonder what it is…
What he is thinking…
What I am thinking…
Is he bored?
Am I bored?
So this is what goes on in my head…is it anxiety…is it disinterest? I am just not sure…
He held my hand again…it was interesting…I have never had someone hold my hand at a dinner table before…and honestly I am not sure how I feel about it. I mean it was cute and sweet…but I couldn’t help but look around and wonder what other people thought of the two of us…what did I think of the two of us? What did he think?
The date ended with me driving to the T once again…I was kind of worried he was going to try for a kiss this time…but as luck would have it…the traffic was at a stand still and he was near his stop…so he offered to jump out instead of me pulling up…I took him up on his offer…his saying thanks for inviting me as he jumped out.

Kind of Ironic

I heard from The Hero tonight…damn…he knew once again when I needed to hear from him.

And I hate that I still care…
I hate that I started to tear up when he said he got hurt.
I wish I didn’t care…
I wish my heart didn’t pitter-patter at the sound of my fingers typing to him.
I hate my feeling for a person that I have never even met.
I hate this image, this person that comes to my mind whenever we talk.
My heart races as though he is in front of me saying these words.
I am sad that things didn’t work out differently with him.
I am sad that he never met me…cause I could have been great for him…but maybe just maybe we were never meant to meet.

Its sucks…cause every time I see his name…I think of him.
I hear a song that he likes I think of him…
There are so many memories of someone I don’t really know…not really.
Its funny…I could combine the two…Anchorman and The Hero and I might have the perfect man.
The Hero is what Anchorman isn’t and vice versa….
Just kind of ironic isn’t it,
Maybe it’s my problem after all…
Maybe its easier to fall for some of someone rather then all of them…
Less to be hurt from right?

Standing up The Lawyer

I stood someone up last week. I couldn’t believe it. I actually didn’t do it intentionally, but it did happen…or he felt like it happened. I forgot to get his number…and he never got mine. I have been talking to him for a few weeks actually. Even mentioned him here once, The Lawyer to be exact.

We never exchanged phone numbers and I was running late. The traffic was crazy…and there was no way I was making it for our 6:30 meeting time. I got to the place at 7:00 on the dot…but he was nowhere to be found.

I sat at the bar and thought…hmm am I turning into a player…or maybe I’m like all the guys that I never met in the past. I wonder now what ran across there minds and how many girls they were talking to and juggling. Cause…I always have to have a few at once now. One is not good enough…if I have just one…to much thought goes into just him…so when I have at least 2 or 3 or 4, I can split my thoughts into all of them, and not just one. Then I can’t get hurt when one doesn’t work out. Since I have 3 more to fall back on. So, I feel bad that he had the feeling that I stood him up…he had to sit or stand and wait for this person that never came. I wonder if he looked at every slightly chubby girl walking towards him and wondered if that was me? I have done that every time I am the first to arrive.

I have a lot going on right now…so the guys are actually second in my thoughts…that is nice…a first in months.