BBW?

Here is an ad I put on...cause it annoys me to read these ads...and get no responses to people off of Match and any other online dating thing...so here goes:

Ok...I read these ads when I am bored...and all the guys say they want someone attractive...BUT...here is the thing what is attractive to u might not be to your neighbor...and vice versa...so come on now...right?

And as for BBW or fit...now what do you consider BBW? honestly...I would like to know...cause I KNOW I am not thin...but Im not huge either...I am working my ass off literally to loose...1-2 pounds a week...by both eating healthy and going to the gym. SO...see I am fit...and healthy...

And then you get the so call attractive types...I mean NOT all women are like the Nicole Richie types...but so many women I know who are super thin...are so not healthy...but they are what guys call attractive?

Crushes

Yes I have a few crushes...weird to have them again. For the last year I have been doing the online thing...so when I go out on a date or first meeting...its 100% about being interested or not i the next time...You know without a doubt that its a date however good or bad it is at the time. But when you get crushed on people outside of this realm...how the hell do you know if it could be something or not.

I have some crushes that as I said I am not sure how to move them on to something more or just let them be what they are. Crushes scare me...because I am a wimp...as I said online I can be more forceful and direct...but in person I get all shy and I'm not sure my actions that are magnified in my head are being seen by my so called crush. One crush and I have been hugging allot when we hang out...partly because alcohol is involved...but nothing else has been said to indicate something else is brewing...except I wonder and like the hugs...allot.

The other crush is just that...a crush...I don't think of him at every moment...and I have spent allot of alone time with him...but always somewhere very public...and I wish I could just make a move to see if it could be something more then just a crush...more then my heart that stops at the sound of his voice...but then if I do...there is no delete of an email address or IM...because in this case we have mutual friends and frequent the same get together...so if I am rejected...someone will for sure find out...and then people will be whispering in corners...and laughing when I walk out of a room. I am scared of that...probably scared of rejection then I am if for some reason he may just like me back...

So see...what is more important here? Being rejected or being happy? Its so stupid but I do hate being embarrassed...which I can feel for so long...so I'm not sure what to do...

Part of my problem is my weight once again. i have been working my ass off to loose...25 pounds in a year isn't as good as I wanted it to be...but what can I do? I mean technically that is 1/2 pound a week...which is better then nothing...and in Weight Watchers that is pretty normal. I fit into pants that I couldn't fit into in 4 years last week...which is great. I also got new hipper glasses which I like and makes me more confident...until...

I got some pics taken at work...and it made me sad...I looked at the acne that I have been working on as well...and that doesn't even begin to tell you about the 5 chins i still have. I hate that about myself...I feel like I can lose and lose but my face never deflates...which sucks...cause people see me and see this.

I think about these crushes and wonder if its mutual? But at the end of the day...I still feel like who would really be into me? The one thing I learned this year is that I have had more guys tell me that they would sleep with me but I'm not relationship material...hmmm what does that mean. And since I have only slept with one person my whole life...so we know how this chapter has ended. SO I'm I guess attractive enough for some guy to f-me but not to date me...so then I think about that when I think of my crushes as well. They probably see what I see when I look at those pics...

anyway...I know I need to be less negative I am just not sure how to do that...since I see what I see...and have come to accept it...so maybe I need to accept that someone will come along who likes it or who will live with it and settle...I don't know...I think I have stopped making sense...so I need sleep on this Sunday night...

Will it happen when I least expect it?

I went to see the movie "Broken English", Broken English (2007) is about: Nora Wilder is freaking out. Everyone around her is in a relationship, is married, or has children. Nora is in her thirties, alone with job she's outgrown and a mother who constantly reminds her of it all. Not to mention her best friend Audrey's "perfect marriage". But after a series of disastrous dates, Nora unexpectedly meets Julien, a quirky Frenchman who opens her eyes to a lot more than love.

It was funny to watch her...it creeped me out some to be honest...it was like looking into a mirror...except that she was super thin where i am the exact opposite. But it was creepy...it was like someone read my life history or maybe some of this blog...because it was so true. I guess the best part was that everyone around her was constantly asking her about a boyfriend or when she was going to find someone...i feel like that. I feel like people pity me instead of wanting to set up on blind a date...my luck sucks in that realm i think.

I'm bored and lonely though. I feel like 90% of the people I know are in relationships and are so happy...I hate when people tell you...just wait, it will happen when u least expect it....but how can that be...I have been aloof for 27 years....but in the last year I have put myself out there and have had more action in 9 months then I have had in all my other years combined... but I have been out there...so what if I go into hiding again which I kind have been doing. I have been escaping back to the old me..the one who looks at my crush whoever he may be at the moment and just let him be a crush. I don't make a move to move the crush into something else...which I will Wake up in 5 years not even remembering his name or I will regret never saying anything or never making it obvious. I d make it more obvious then I have in the past...but when i start to make a step forward I pause and take two steps back. I call and leave a few text messages...but when I hear nothing...that stops me from doing anything more...cause if he was interested wouldn't I know it?

Or what about Mr Match and I...who I watched movies with for hours on end with today...and who is sweet enough to remember the little details of my life that even some of my closest friends forget to ask about. I am not sure what I feel there...because is it who he could represent? I wish I could make a move and kiss him just to see...but what if I then lose someone who could be an amazing friend.

I just feel like when everyone around me is hooked up or are in the processof hooking up and once again I am the third wheel...I get kind of pissed and of course sad. More because I want what they have...and I'm sick of being the third wheel all the time...even if I like being single and being by myself...the twinges arrive when i see secrets exchanged...and smiles passed across a room...when I see it I want it...

I guess I have to have faith that it will happen when I least expect it...but the true question is: will it happen when I least expect it?

Men are like...

1. Men are like ..Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.

2. Men are like.Bananas . The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like ....Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like ....Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like ....Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off!

8. Men are like .....Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like ....Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like .......Lava Lamps ... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

Walkin'

So I am now commuting to work instead of driving...I take the bus to one stop and then another bus to the T, and then Ting it to Kendall when I then walk about 8 minutes to the office...repeat in the evenings...except I miss the bus 95% of the time...since the last one runs at 6:55...

Am I crazy that once winter comes and I have to walk over a mile in the dark that that scares me? My neighborhood near my house is pretty safe...but the 1/2 mile in between could be considered sketchy.

Imagine a dark road...cars driving by regularly...and we r talking suburbs of Boston here...some street lights...a park to your left with tennis courts and empty space. It scares me to walk alone at night. After the last 11 years of people telling women to NEVER walk alone...why should I? I mean it would be one thing if I was in the city life...if I was near people all around me... but walking in near darkness even at 8:00...I was told tonight that who cares...where we live its the safest place in the country...but is it...it scares me...am I wrong??

Any advice?

Bug eyes...

So Mr Bug eyes responded to the ad...seeming all nice and sweet...see u never ever know who u will find online, in a bar, or even at Super Stop and Shop...u never know someone.
This was the response...I'm so tempted to respond...either from this email address or another one...just to get him all excited and then tell him he has bug eyes...but see I feel bad and cant be mean even though he called me Jack Osborne...so what to do what to do?

Ad:

Just read about you and liked what I read. I am 31 single. I am 5-8 too with a good job, own a car and buying a new one. I think that I very nice and lovable. I'm respectful, down to earth and educated. Not looking for a casual counter either. Hope to hear from you.

Any nice guys not looking for just sex?

I was told the other day that I needed to update this thing...and since I haven't been dating much...what do I write about...and your right about it not being a good idea to write about work stuff...so thanks for the comments...and you are right I hadn't thought of that...I know I should have but I didn't when I wrote it...which is ironic because at my last job I didn't write anything bad because I was paranoid someone would find it and read it...

I decided for the hell of it...more to get something to post about...to write a new ad...haha it went something like this:

Any nice guys not looking for just sex?

I haven't been on here looking for a date in a long while...but I'm bored so I thought I would say hi.

I have tried the whole online dating thing...and its frustrating cause the majority of guys I have met especially off of CL want just sex...or are married...why is that? To most CL=SEX

I want to find a guy who likes me for me...I'm not the type of girl to sleep with you on a first date...isn't that what Casual Encounters section is for?

I am also no Paris Hilton...who at the end of the day still cries for mommy. I am me... a size 16... curves and all... but I'm not going to lie and say I'm thin ...its something I have been working on...exercise...being healthy for me not you.

So if after all this...you might find me interesting...tell me why I should trust you...

What can I say...I got few emails back:

Hey I just read your post and there is nothing i can say in an email to have you trust me!!!! that is because you do not know me and I do not know you so I do not trust you either but I will tell you that I am around 6'2 300lbs blue eyes and looking. of course I would love to have sex so would you and everyone one else in this world why cause sex is fun and it feels good. But I would like to chat get to know you have you get to know me as well. Here is my part to let you know that i am not looking for just sex cause if i was i would not say that I still live @ home. why cause I want my own house and right now the prices for house is out of my reach so I live @ home still, I am saving my money to buy my own home. Why not move out into a apartment you ask cause why pay rent and have no value in it after a yr. that does not mean i get a free ride i help my parents out with anything they want me to do. I a video gamer I just got the Wii from Nintendo and i have a PS3 from Sony i love playing video games and watching tv, movies, hanging out with my friends and just chilling, having a few drinks and so on. Well that is all I will say for now, if you wanna chat or you wanna know more then reply back and maybe we can even meet up @ some point for dinner, drinks, letting you take advantage of me!!!! just kidding with you please don't hold my sense of humor against me too much!!!! hope to hear from you

I didn't think it was so bad so I emailed back...and then got this response back which I couldn't respond to...

I work for a phone company and love my job the freedom of it and the fun of it all. What i do for the company is a bunch of things the easiest way is to say if you wanted to add a feature to ur line i am the one who adds the feature, I can also remove it, create a Toll Free number for you, make sure you are listed with 411 and a number of other feature related orders. But enough about me for now otherwise you will die from being bored to death!!!!!! I would like to know about you now. First what is your name and second how about something that is tells me about you like my email from to you put yourself out there, how you can tell me ur likes and dislikes, do you have a dirty mind, do u have a wise ass sense of humor, r u a freak, r u strange, u r a normal(whatever that is) can you take anything and turn it dirty just to make people laugh or to see them embarrassed anything will be cool with me. what ever you want to tell me, if it is that you want to tie me up and pour wax on me then that is cool with me!!!!!!!!!! or that you want to punch me in the mouth and then kick me in the stomach that cools too cause then i don't have to pay for it anymore!!!!!!!!! j/k see this is my sense of humor sorry if it offends you.

Then I got the same response Ive gotten before...which made me laugh now as much as then: probability theory at work

Hi! there,

I am expecting this mail to be one of the 23 mails that landed up in your mail all of a sudden from craigslist and you decided to open this mail because......I would let you answer that to prove that I am a good listener.

I am not a sugar daddy who fears his mom at home, not a NFL star who recently realized that he started playing football because he liked men, not a movie star who really has to work his balls out (meaning not a porn star), not an investment banker who recently finished the merger between his two favorite book publishers i.e. Playboy and DC Comics, not a guy who does not want to hurt anyone and so turned to chewing plants (tobacco).....and definitely not the guy from your grocery store who is on parole.

To tell you more about myself.....I am a 26 yr old and recently moved to Boston in search of greener pastures...a.k.a doing academic research at MIT. I like playing badminton (play at a competitive level) and other racket sports, running along the Charles, cooking, traveling, acting, yoga, playing guitar, reiki, learning about artificial medicine, reading history and listening to music (classical rock - favorite albums: each every album of Rainbow, joe satriani, led zeppelin and deep purple and few selected albums including joshua tree by U2, Pearl Jam, soundtrack of Matrix 1 and so on).

I am originally from India but the last 3 years of my life were spent in the UK where I got my PhD. I stand 5'6" tall (as the crow flies) and weigh 143lbs (as the needle shows). My favorite cuisines include Indian (obviously), Italian, Mexican and Sushi. Just wanted to make you sure that I am not color blind..... so my favorite colors include different shades of black and white.

I choose the subject because I had taken a course in probability theory and applications. Thats also where the number 23 comes from (more details will be explained). The number 18 in my id was chosen only because its my birthday and is definitely nothing to do with adult entertainment.
Let me know if my calculations are right...or the very fundamentals of this theory will be proved wrong and I need to inform NASA about this before they send another Mars explorer. Consider this...your reply would save a lot of taxpayer's money (your and my money included).

Good luck.

V

or how about this one who I have no clue as to who he is:

You sound very familiar.... (I know that's not the best ice breaker but something about your writing style seems very familiar to me.) If you do know who I am based on my email address then you have to come clean.

If I don't know you then please forgive my interruption....

or...one post was just: CAN'T THINK OF A REASON...............

Here is even another...see they know I'm 28...which amazes me that they still respond:

Hi,

Your profile struck a chord in me. I hope this response will trigger some interest from you.

Perhaps I am off base but you never know unless you take a chance.

I hope to find a woman who would like to be spoiled, pampered, entertained, worshiped and obeyed..within reason:). A woman who would like to explore her Dominant side.

I am a good looking professionally employed generous gentleman. 6" 180 lbs. Irish and Italian. 43 years old. I am aggressive and successful in my career, but behind closed doors I don't mind switching roles so to speak.
If you have any interest please get back to me and I WILL send you a photo and answer any questions you want to ask.

Sincerely,

j

Anyway I hope you ad fun reading...maybe I am ready to get back on the horse...we will see.